Happy Single Parentine’s Day!
It’s Single Parentine’s Day! Enjoy today with the ones who hold your heart in their hands – your children.
Single Parent Families Today
Single Parent Families
Today being the head of a single parent family is more common than the so called traditional family. The traditional family was defined as a mother, father and children. Today we see all sorts of ‘families’ including many single parent families. And even within the category of single parent family we see a range of mothers, fathers and even extended family members raising children as a single parent. Today none of this is unusual.
Single Parent Life
Life in a single parent household today is quite common, but it can be very stressful for the parent and the children. It can be hard not having a partner to share the responsibilities of paying the bills, taking care of the children, and doing the chores. You have all of the parental responsibility in additional to working full time. And it’s no secret that many single parent families have less financial resources than two parent households, which can make single parent family life more stressful.
In addition to all of the above, single parent families can sometimes experience added stressors that two parent families typically don’t experience.
Unique Situations that Cause Stress in Single Parent Families
- Visitation and custody problems can lead to fractured emotional bonds and expensive legal bills.
- Potential for conflict with non-custodial parent over different parenting styles.
- Quality time with children can be hard to come by.
- Disruptions of extended family relationships can feel alienating.
- Potential problems when the parent starts to pursue new relationships
Single Parent Family Success
Single parent families can be successful. The best way to succeed at single parenting is to try to get along with your children’s other parent if possible. Also reach out to other single parents. Build up your support team. There are groups that you can join in your communities and churches. Strengthen the bonds with your extended family members as well. Don’t try to do it alone. Accept help and assistance from others. And give back where you can.
Tell us about your single parent success stories.
What Challenges do Single Parents Face?
Single Parent Challenges
As a single parent you face many challenges when you are the primary caretaker for your children. Even if you’re receiving child support from the other parent, single parenting is not easy. Whether you chose to become a single parent, or had single parenthood thrust on you, the effects of being a single parent can be long term and difficult to overcome. Single parents must contend with many challenges such as financial, social, emotional, and logistical issues. How well we deal with these issues will directly effect how well the child from a single parent household adjusts.
Single Parent Money Issues
The majority of single parents are faced with financial challenges. If you are a single parent due to a divorce, you’ve experienced how divorce divides the family’s resources and splits it into two households. Many single parents have a difficult time collecting financial support for their children. But even with child support, making ends meet can be an ongoing challenge. Add to that, single parents who do not have a strong support system are not able to work overtime, or take on a second source of income due to family responsibilities. This can put many single parent households in a real bind.
Single Parents Emotional Issues
Single parents face emotional challenges. The reasons that many parents become single parents are, by nature, emotionally taxing. The sudden death of a spouse; divorce, or the birth of an unexpected baby outside of a marriage all take an emotional toll on a single parent. Having support such as friends and family is very important. You can also find support through local agencies and church organizations. Trying to go it alone as a single parent can lead to depression. As a single parent you need to work through your emotional issues so that you are healthy enough to help your children deal with the emotional upheaval they are going through.
Single Parents and Logistics
As the primary parent you really need to learn how to become a single parent logistical wizard. To provide financially and emotionally for their children, single parents typically work full-time and are either dropping their children off early at child care or school; and picking them up late. Single parents must have jobs that will allow them to leave work for sick children, doctors appointments, parent conferences and school performances. Coordinating and executing all of these logistical issues can be exhausting. Being very organized and having back up plans can really help to reduce the stress that a single parent feels.
What it Means to be a Single Parent
One of the scariest and yet the most liberating days of my life was the day I became a single parent. I felt liberated by the end of the adult relationship that was like a roller coaster ride through fire and brimstone. The source of my fear was the idea that there was every potential for failure as a single parent. Failure in this aspect wouldn’t just be a bump in the road for me. Failure would mean a life altering event for my young son.
Weight of Realization
The first thing you have to do is make the choice to be a single parent. Most people think the hard part of this choice is whether or not to leave the significant other. I disagree. When that stuff is over, it’s over, whether you want it to be or not.
To be a single parent is to know that the entire weight of raising a child is on you. That’s a pretty heavy load some days. But don’t get the idea that being a single parent is a terrible thing. There are tons of times when I realize without question, that I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Enjoy Your Own Company
Social situations become a bit limited when you’re a single parent. I spent two years using a chat room for my social interactions. I didn’t want to leave my son with a sitter and I needed some adult conversation. As you can imagine, this didn’t lead to a real active romantic life. For some reason men actually seem to want to spend time with the woman they’re interested in and I just didn’t have any to spare.
Being comfortable with yourself also means being able to deal with the shorter, younger version of you. Some of your traits, good and bad are going to wear off on your child. My son argues the exact same way I do. He also giggles when he’s in trouble, just like I do. These are not things that go over well when I’m trying to teach him something. Since there is no “wait ’til your father gets home” in our house, I have to use that hated word, “patience”.
Creative Accounting
One of the hardest parts of being a single parent is the financial end of things. This just isn’t a department I excel in. I’m not a materialistic person, so I have no devotion to cash. But, my son sure likes technology and fancy things like dinner, electricity and a roof over his head. There have been times when I worked three jobs because there wasn’t any choice. Even when father’s pay child support, the powers that be aren’t always timely in getting the paper work in order.
Laugh Until You Cry
The single most important trait of a single parent is a sense of humor. There are too many times when you want to cry, but you have to laugh. I could sit and worry and stress, but guess what? What ever I happen to be stressed about is still going to be there when I’m done crying. I’d rather be doing something fun like dancing around the house with my kids.
Multi-task Like an Octopus on Caffeine
I don’t care what kind of classes you take or what kind of job you have. No one can multi-task like a single parent. We’re talking about things like fixing the car while making dinner and helping with the homework all while paying the bills and trying somehow to just smile your way through the day. I would even go as far as to say that being a single parent is similar to running a new obstacle course every day. Sure, it’s a fun and challenging adventure every day, but every now and then it would just be nice to be able to take a breath.
Grow an Extra Layer of Skin
The single parent is the one that catches everything. If your child is mad at you, you’ll deal with that. When the absent parent breaks their heart, you’ll be the one to dry the tears and take the brunt of the anger. The single parent is the parent that the child is most comfortable with. Because of that, we are the sounding board for almost every emotional trauma.
It is quite common for children of single parents to act differently when they are with the parent that they don’t live with regularly. It’s like we are talking about two different children when I speak to my ex. And in essence we are talking about two different children. Many children don’t have the same comfort levels for both their parents, for various reasons. Just do your part and provide your child with the save place to be himself and they will thrive.
Remember Your Life
It’s really easy to get caught up in the role of the single parent and lose sight of everything else. Then, one day our children are all grown up and embark on a life of their own. And we have lost the person that we once were. All this time we’ve been the on call support center, the short order cook, the Uber driver and completely abandoned ourselves in service to being a single parent. We drop everything if they need us for something and we work hard to make our home a happy comfortable place for them.
For a lot of single parents having their child move away to college is very eye opening! We realize that we’ve lost sight of everything about ourselves but parenthood. It’s time to remember hobbies we used to have and dreams we had forgotten. Better still, if your kids are still young teach them about boundaries. Teach them how to be self sufficient. Teach them to be proud of you for being your own person and maintaining a separate identity other than just being their parent.
Room to Gloat
So, with all these things being a part of what it takes to be a single parent, you might be thinking that it doesn’t sound too appealing. Just remember, every job has its rewards. When your child accomplishes something, you know you were the one right there every step of the way. When he does something kind and generous, you know it’s because that’s the way you live your life and they’ve been paying attention. Your child also has the ability to think for themselves so they use what they know to be proactive members of society. While wiping the tears and paying the bills by yourself can be exhausting, those moments of pride and pure elation can’t be beat. You might have the responsibilities of two parents, but you also have twice the joy!
7 Single Parent Tips to Make Life Easier
1 – Forgive Even if You Can’t Forget
Let go of grudges you may hold against your child’s other parent, who is absent from BOTH of your lives. Holding onto feelings of anger will not change your situation and will probably consume a great deal of your energy – energy you need to devote to creating a positive environment for your child. As a single parent, if you cannot forgive the other parent, you will struggle to move forward. If you dwell on your disappointment with and/or dislike of the father or mother of your child – chances are your child will sense your feelings and suffer in some way from your negative attitude.
2 – Make the Most of Everything You Have
Even if you do not have a lot of money, you do have your child and your love and your time to give to him or her. Try to remember that monetary wealth and material possessions are not the most important items in your child’s life. Your love, support and time together mean much more to them. You can have fun for free. Activities like – going for a walk or a bike ride, playing at the park, coloring, painting, singing, or dancing – will thrill your child just as much as spending money to go to an amusement park, an arcade or a toy store. If you need help with money management, maybe you could try an online tool such as mint.com, or the many other free tools online.
3 – Be the Best Parent You Can Possibly Be
Give as much as you can without setting goals that are unrealistic for one parent to achieve. Don’t beat yourself up for what cannot be. Do recognize what you can do to create a good life for your child to the best of your abilities.
4 – Develop a Network of Reliable Resources
Families are not biological. Surround yourself and your child with friends you know and trust – people who care about both of you. “Aunts” and “Uncles” and even “Grandparents,” who are not blood-related can be just as beneficial to your child as actual biological family members. The “family” you create for your child can provide him or her with the same kind of love and support as a traditional family. They can also help you with your responsibilities as a single parent. Let them play an active role in your child’s life. Learn to turn to your “family” when you need a break. Nobody should have to go it alone and you will probably be able to be a better parent by relying on your “family” of close friends to support you and your child.
5 – Take Responsibility for Your Life Today
Remember whatever lead you to where you are today, you are responsible for another life – the innocent life of a child, who didn’t ask to be born. Your child is not responsible for the experiences or events that made you become a single parent. Your child is completely dependent upon you through no choice of their own. Don’t let them down or hold them accountable for your actions (or the actions of their absent parent). They are powerless and vulnerable to the possibly less-than-ideal consequences they face as the child of a single parent. Your role and influence in their life is paramount to their chances of becoming a happy, productive, successful adult. They need you more than their words will ever tell.
6 – Set Up Daily Rituals and Regular Routines
Your child needs stability and security. One way to provide this is by developing a daily routine. Simple things like – going to the park every Sunday afternoon, eating dinner together each night, sharing a treat before nap time or reading a book together before bed every night, will become activities that your child looks forward to and can count on to occur with regularity.
7 – Be Consistent and Dependable
Create realistic rules and a standard of discipline that you stick to all the time. If you’re consistent with your child, he or she will learn what is acceptable behavior and what is not. They will also learn what you expect from them and what they can expect from you. If you’re dependable, they will know that they can always count on you to help them with their homework, be there for dinner or tuck them in bed at night. They have to be able to depend on you. You’re the most important person in their life. Try to remember that no matter how tired you are at the end of the day or how frustrated you may become when they’re fussy – They need you to be there for them. You should cherish every moment with your child – they are the best blessings on earth.
8 Tips on Reducing Single Parent Stress
Raising kids can be stressful. Raising kids alone can be STRESSFUL. Here are some tips to reduce your single parent stress.
1. Get Your Finances Under Control
Raising a family on a reduced income can be one of the the most stressful aspects of being a single parent. That’s why one of the first things that you should do is understand your expenses, and make a budget. Controlling your cash flow by sticking to a budget is one of the most important things that you can do to reduce stress and move forward with your single parent life.
2. Set Up a Support System
All single parents need help — whether it’s someone to watch the kids while you run out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed. While it’s tempting to try to handle everything alone, ask friends and family members for help. You could join a single-parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted sitter to help out with the kids or someone to assist with housework.
3. Set UP and Keep Daily and Weekly Routines
The more routines you have in place, the more smoothly your house will run. Schedule meals and chores on a weekly calendar. Have a set bedtime for the kids, along with a bedtime routine (bath, brush teeth, lay out clothes, quiet reading time before bed). Once in place, these routines will be comforting to your children because they will know what to expect each day. Consistent routines will help your kids feel more secure, and your household will run much more smoothly.
4. Maintain Healthy Boundaries with Your Children
When you become a single parent there tends to be a big void where your partner used to be. Many times it’s tempting to rely too heavily on children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But relying on your children to act as substitutes for an adult partner is unhealthy for both of you. Instead of relying on your children for emotional support seek out other adults for your emotional needs. If you don’t have family or friends to rely on, many churches have single parent support groups to help. Different churches offer different kinds of support, but you might be surprised at how supportive they can be. Or seek counseling if necessary.
5. Carve Out Quality Time with Your Children
As a single parent there is always going to be something you need to do around the house; but don’t let that stop you from connecting with your children in a meaningful way every day. Use your routines to connect – a quick bedtime story; or family breakfast catch up with your children will keep you connected daily. Then find larger chunks of time, perhaps on the weekends to do fun things together – bike rids, crafts or baking can provide the fun bonding time you need with your children. And it doesn’t have to cost anything. As long as you focus on love and connection, your time as a family will surely be quality time.
6. Take Time for Yourself
I know it sometimes seems impossible to carve out any time for yourself, but it is so important. With your budget, routines, and rituals in place it will be much easier to accomplish. Remember, if you’re not at your best, nothing in you single parent household is going to be running at its best. Even if it’s something as simple as a warm bath, or 15 minutes of reading before you go to bed. Setting aside personal time for you to refuel will do wonders for your whole family.
7. Stay positive
As a single parent it can be easy to become overwhelmed by all your responsibilities every day. On top of that, you may not have wanted the divorce. Or maybe you are grieving the death of a spouse. It is true; you do have to go through the grieving process. And you do have to deal with your feelings regarding a divorce; but you can still cultivate a positive environment in your home. The key is to move through and process the painful event that has happened in your family. Don’t get stuck in the pain. Don’t let negativity and sadness become what you and your family is now about. If you’re feeling sad, it’s okay to share some of your sentiments with your children, but always try to help them see that for every ending there is a new beginning.
8. Dream About and Plan for the Future
This really needs no explanation. The way to make a great future is to dream about and plan for a great future. Do this, and teach your children how to do this, and things will turn out just fine.