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Category: Support

Here you will find single parent support articles, and advice on how to find support as a single parent.

When is it OK to Leave my Children Home Alone?

When is it OK to Leave my Children Home Alone?

As a single parent you may be asking yourself, ‘when can I start leaving my children home alone?’ This may be out of necessity or because your children seem mature enough and don’t want to go with you everywhere you go.

Before you make the decision to leave you children home alone there are many things to consider. The following is a link to an article that covers everything that you need to think about and address before you decide to leave your children at home without you.

Children Home Alone – Decide When to Leave Them Home

Single Parent Picking Battles and Roles

Single Parent Picking Battles and Roles

I found this post at a blog called Spilled Milk.

Being a Single Parent Means Picking Your Battles…And Your Roles

One of the hardest parts of becoming a single mother, for me, is the desire to be everything for my child. I desperately want him to have the childhood I had… the baking cookies, the team sports, the music lessons. I don’t want him to have moments when he thinks “Man, I could do that if I only had my dad in town.” I want him to grow up happy and well-adjusted and to me, that seems to mean working over time to ensure that he misses out on positively ZERO experiences…

You can read the entire post at Spilled Milk.

5 Things Every Single Parent Must Have

5 Things Every Single Parent Must Have

Single parents are pulled in many directions.  There’s so much demand on your time and attention, and sooner or later you’ll get overwhelmed.  Don’t make it harder on yourself than it has to be.  Implement these 5 important “must haves”, and start living life instead of life living you.

1. A Schedule

There are some activities that just have to get done daily, monthly, and yearly.  If you know ahead of time what and when things need to get done it places you that much further ahead.  No longer will you spend all your time putting out fires and addressing issues as they come up.

Of course you want some flexibility in your schedule for the unexpected, but if you’re living too spontaneously, important tasks will get overlooked.  You don’t want to be driving to work and get pulled over because you forgot to renew your license plates.  You don’t want your child to miss a field trip at school because you didn’t fill out the permission slip.

Having a family calendar easily accessible to everyone is a great tool.  If you have an uncertain work schedule that changes from week to week help your children, sitters, and others plan their activities by posting it on the calendar.  Keep track of seasonal chores, when bills are due, and school activities.  People will start seeing you as the “Supermom/dad” you really are.

2. A Menu/Meal Plan

Stopping at fast food joints is expensive and unhealthy.  Schedule one day each month, or every other week, to plan and cook for the entire month.  Chop vegetables, make homemade sauces, and prepare meals to freeze.  If you have items ready to throw together it not only makes food preparation easier and faster, but it also saves on you money.

If you aren’t sure about making a meal plan, start writing down everything you eat for a month, or ask your children for menu ideas.  You probably already know their favorite meals, but having their input makes it simpler for them to accept homemade meals.

Knowing what your menu/meal plan helps you schedule your shopping trips.  The last thing you want to do after a long day at work is spend time at the grocery store.  Not only will you have to unpack, put away, and then cook what you bring home, but you’ll save money and the physical stress to your body if you go shopping on a none working day.  You want to be rested and mentally prepared to navigate the grocery store isles.



3.  Sounding Board or Confidante

If you have a good relationship with your ex-spouse, or the other parent, then you might be temped to go to them for support and help in trying times.  This is not a good idea in the long run.  It is important for you to co-parent with your ex, but you’d do well to leave it at that.  You will need a trusted friend or family member to rely on.  Decisions, tasks, and situations will arise where you’ll need someone to talk things over.  Having a shoulder to lean on with an objective view is invaluable.

4.  Schedule Play Time

Providing for the physical needs of the children dominates a single parents life.  If you are taking care of their basic needs of a roof over their head, food on the table, and clothing then the worry and guilt should be minimized.  But when they complain about not having wants and desires we become consumed with wanting to please them.  What children really need is emotional and spiritual support through interaction with us.

Spending lighthearted, fun, playful moments with them will increase their self-esteem.  Getting down on the floor, jumping on a trampoline, winding your way through a jungle gym, and swinging to great heights with your children shows them how important they are to you.  Taking time from a busy schedule to meet them at their level will go a long way in strengthening that child/parent bond.

5.  Personal time and space

Everyone needs alone time to function properly.  Having your own room, or quiet space, to purge the angst and worries from your mind is an absolute necessity.  Single parents protect children from the cares of the world by hiding fear and worry, but when emotions build up you need a place where tender eyes and hearts will not be party to the release.  While sharing some issues with children may make them more resilient they can become overloaded if too much worry and fear are heaped upon them.

You should also schedule once or twice a month time away from the children.  Spend an evening with friends, go out on a date, or better by far get some daily exercise.  Take opportunities for alone time to build your own self-esteem.  Most of all remember mistakes will be made, but they do not define you as a parent.  You are doing the best you can, and that’s all anyone, even you, can expect.

Keep Your Kids Safe from Preditors

Keep Your Kids Safe from Preditors

The Sad Truth

Horrific stories about children being molested are common in the new today.  With the trial of Jerry Sandusky, the alleged abuse of Bishop Eddie Long of Atlanta, and the painful memories of priests abusing young boys in the Catholic Church, single parents need to be more proactive when it comes to protecting our children. It’s unfortunate that as single parents our job is made that much harder because we once looked to ‘respected’ men in the community to mentor our children, particularly boys.

Not Stranger Danger

Most children get the ‘stranger danger’ talk early and often; at home and at school.  But when the potential danger is someone who is familiar and around our children everyday, things get confusing.  Teachers, coaches, pastors, and even family members are people our children should be able to trust, but that’s not always the case.

Single moms should not give anyone too much access to their children even if they are in positions of authority. In The Myth of the Broken Home-Guidebook for Single Parents “Strangers” are obvious, but “Strange Nots” are very familiar to children. They include people who are around our children everyday including family members, teachers, preachers, friends. These are people our children should be able to trust, but as we know, it’s not always the case. Children should be taught to apply some of the same protective techniques with familiar adults as with strangers.



What Can You Do?

Child molesters have very specific predatory skills much like many offenders. Here are some tips to help you lessen the chances of your child from being a victim.

  1. Monitor your child’s interaction with strangers and use every interaction as a teaching moment. Your child needs to know what to do in situations with strangers first. Once they know how to react to ‘Stranger Danger’ you will be able to start teaching them about ‘Not-So Stranger Danger’.
  2. If you are actively dating; never invite the men you meet into your home. This is not just for your children’s safety, but your own as well. Be very causious about jumping into a relationship too fast. If you develop a friendship with a male, spend time with him outside your home. Meet at a restaurant or a local coffee shop.
  3. Know the whereabouts of your children at all times. Know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with. This is very important. Your children should also know that they need to contact you if there is any change in plans; before the change happens.
  4. Openly communicate with your child about their body and what is private. Let them know that their body is their own; and if someone is making them uncomfortable by touching them they should say so. Even if it’s just a hug. Children need to know that they have the right to say no to someone touching them. They also need to be comfortable enough to tell you, their parent, if it happens.

 

Single parents, are often exhausted and sometimes burdened, but we still must do our best to protect our children as best we can.

Single Parent Struggles

Single Parent Struggles

Interesting article about single parent struggles.

Single parent struggles…how is that defined exactly? Is the problem worse in San Diego than other cities? The San Diego Union Tribune recently ran a story with Nathan Fletcher who is running for San Diego Mayor. He touched a little bit on kids in San Diego, “…There’s no guarantee that you get an equally easy path. So if both of your parents went to college, it’s easier for you than a kid that has a single mom who struggles financially, who’s in a poor community.” Mr. Fletcher went on to talk about everyone having access to the “American Dream” but do children of single parents truly have that access and what kinds of struggles do single parents have?

 

Single Parents Have Questions

Single Parents Have Questions

As I search the internet for things to help single parents with their desire to be the best parents they can be, I come across many questions posted by single parents.

As I come across questions that single parents are asking, I will post them in a new category called Single Parent Questions.  My hope is that you will be able to find answers to some of your single parent questions.  If not, leave a question in the comments and we’ll try to find some answers for you.

Just as a NoteThe answers to many of the questions do not necessarily reflect my own oppinion on the suject matter.