Single Parent Wealth

The Single Parents Guide to Planning a Trip with Kids

06/04/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Are you looking forward to getting away with your kids this summer? Many of us single parents can’t wait to take a much needed break and move about the country (or beyond). To make your vacation as great as possible you’ll want to plan your trip ahead of time.

Not only is planning your trip necessary, it’s actually a fun part of your vacation experience as a whole. The fun sense of anticipation and eager expectation is really where your vacation starts.

So let’s get started planning our single parent vacation with our kids!

Include Your Kids in the Vacation Planning Process

Give your kids a voice in the vacation planning. From deciding where to go and what to do, involve your children in the choosing. Planning your vacation can be a great educational endeavor for your kids as they research the geography, culture, and more about potential destinations. Involving your kids in the planning process will get them even more excited about the vacation than if you just did all the planning yourself.

Plan for Downtime on Your Vacation

Many parents, not just single parents, make the mistake of filling every waking hour with planned things to do on vacation. The reality is that kids can’t be ON all the time. Over filling your days can have negative consequences in the form of melt-downs and unplanned sickness. So plan something big one day, then hang out by the hotel pool the next. Or go on an excursion in the morning and then chill in the evening. Planning your vacation in this way makes it less of a marathon, and more of a vacation.

Plan for the Travel Portion of Your Trip

Bring plenty of distractions for the travel portion of your vacation.

Pretty much everyone has their very own electronic device these days, so distractions seem like they’re covered. But you want to think beyond the electronic device. Make sure you have extra power in case you’re no where near a charging station or outlet. Have non-electronic standbys such as note pad and colored pencils. A book of puzzles. And don’t forget the snacks.

Travelling by car, plane or train can have its own built in distractions to keep your child entertained. But those long haul trips just to get to your destination can get really boring really fast as well. Be prepared.

Add Some Culture to Your Vacation

Even if you’re just going to visit with relatives out of state, plan to take in some of the local culture of your destination. Visit a local museum. Tour a historic part of the city. Be sure to sample the most popular local cuisine! Planning these things into your vacation will definitely add to the overall joy of your vacation. And your kids will get to experience new cultural experiences.

Plan to Travel as Lightly as Possible

Learn how to pack efficiently, and teach your kids how to do the same. I’ve heard it said that travel should be about the destination, not how much of your own stuff you can bring with you.

When you’re a single parent and you find yourself at a busy airport terminal, and you’re trying to wrangle all your luggage while wrangling your kids as well, you’ll realize the genius of travelling light as a single parent.

And that brings us to a very important part of planning when traveling with a children…

Gather Necessary Documents in Advance

When you’re travelling as a single parent you need to make sure that you have a notarized letter of consent from the non-travelling parent. It is essential if you’re crossing boarders. But even if you’re just going out of state you should carry that document with you.

Also be sure that your children have necessary information on them at all times. The younger your children are, the more important this is. Think back to your days at summer camp when everything had to have your name on it so that it could go back to the rightful owner should it get lost.

Your older kids may be able to store vital information in their phones, but if your young child gets separated from you how will they be able to get reunited with you? Make sure that your child has your name and phone number on them at all times when you’re travelling, even if you have to write it on the inside of their clothes with a sharpie.

Chances are you will never get separated from your child while travelling, but if you do you’ll be glad you took this step.

Keep it Fun

So there you have it! Follow these tips and your next vacation with your kids will be much less stressful. But even if your best plans get tossed out due to unforeseen circumstances, just roll with it and have fun anyway.

Happy travels!

Organization Tips for Single Parents

05/07/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

Let’s face it, life is BUSY! And you’re a single parent so life is BUSIER! Carving out some leisure/free/fun time for you and your kids takes some planning and organizational skills, but it’s worth it.

Who doesn’t want more free, fun time with their kids! Let’s see how we can make more of that happen.

Daily Routines are Your Friends

Establish daily routines for your family so that everyone knows what’s expected of them. Routines won’t solve all of your battles, but there’ll be fewer surprises. Bedtime routines as well as morning routines really help your single parent household run more efficiently. Don’t forget homework, chores, and meal time routines. Get yourself a dry erase board and have your routines in a place where everyone sees them often. Routines definitely save you time.

A Family Calendar is a Must

Along with your routines board, you need a family calendar where everyone can see it. Keep track of your special events, special school activities, and appointments, etc. This cuts down on conflicts and lets you, and the kids keep track of the logistics of who needs to be where at what time. An up to date family calendar will save you even more time.

Motivate your Kids to do their Chores

You’re a single parent. You need to get household chores done on a daily basis but there’s no way you can do it alone. You may disagree, but the fastest way to get the chores done (and with no whining) is to offer an incentive. It could be money but it doesn’t have to be. You can make the incentive internet access when their chores are done. Whatever motivates your child. Chores are more likely to get done quickly and properly if there is an incentive attached.

Plan Your Meals

Obviously you’re going to take your kids’ preferences into consideration, but it is a huge time and money saver when you plan your meals out weekly. Planning your weekly meals out saves on trips to the grocery store – you only need to go once. If you can pre-make meals for the week and freeze them, you save even more time. An added bonus is family fun time together in the kitchen if your kids like to cook with you.

If you follow these tips you will be able to regain some precious time that you and your kids can use for more enjoyable things, like spending some fun leisure time together.

Single Parent Dating Advice – Before You Date

05/05/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

If you’re a newly single parent, the thought of jumping back into dating can seem terrifying. But as you settle into your new role, dating again may start to be something that you want to do. When that time comes it’s common to have lots of questions and worry about things like: How will my kids react to me dating? When is a good time to start dating as a single parent? Is single parent dating even worth it?

If you have questions about dating as a single parent below is some advice that will help you on your new journey into the world of dating with kids.

Wait a Year Before You Start Dating

It may seem hard for many but waiting a year is ideal (six months at the very least). The reason that a year is ideal is that you’ll have gone through all of the holidays and birthdays at least once on your own. Getting through those major events on your own at least once will give you so much strength and confidence in any future relationship. It also saves you from potentially turning a good partner away by subjecting him to unresolved issues that he has nothing to do with.

Of course situations vary, but if you’re a single parent because of the death or divorce of a long term partner you need time to heal. Truly the best scenario for you and your kids is to go to some type of counselling to process the grief and/or hurt feelings that you now face because of your new single parent situation. Getting involved in your own interests is also a very healthy thing to do before you start dating again. You may rediscover things that once brought you joy before you were in your last relationship. The key here is that you want to become a whole person in your own right before you start dating again.

As you heal and are doing things that bring you joy, you just might meet someone who shares your interests and is a good fit with you.

Make sure that your children are also taking the time to heal from the break up of the family unit. You can’t ignore their needs even if you’re drowning in your own shock and grief. And it’s also difficult to move forward if you’re ready but the kids are not.

Confront Unhealthy Issues in Your Previous Relationship

Now is the time to reflect and work on any unhealthy issues that troubled your last relationship. It’s really important to honestly look at the previous relationship dynamic and see what role you played in that. Close friends may be able to help you with talking this through. I personally sought out a good counselor and it was worth every penny. If money is tight look into local churches. Some churches provide divorce care classes. And you don’t need to be a member of the church to take advantage of them. Talking your issues out with another person is helpful because sometimes you’re blind to how you may have contributed to a bad relationship.

If you’re coming out of a bad relationship you’ll be glad you did the work. You don’t want to make the same relationship mistakes when you’re starting your new single parent dating journey. It will only lead you down similar unhealthy paths.

Make Sure You’re Really Ready to Start Dating Again

Once you feel that you’re ready to start dating again ask yourself this question: Am I ready to deal with the downside of dating with kids? Because dating isn’t all sunshine and roses. Especially with online dating, there’s a lot of bad behavior going on. You also have to be ready for people who are catfishing. This is why healing yourself before you start dating is so important.

Make sure you’re ready to go into dating with eyes wide open. Don’t take the ghosting and bad behavior personally. And don’t get discouraged. There are good people out there. Maybe you will find someone online, or maybe you’ll find someone while waiting in line at the DMV. You just never know.

Know What You Want

Before you start dating know what you’re looking for. It’s generally a bad idea to jump into dating with the, ‘I’ll know it when I see it’ kind of attitude. Many bad relationships and broken hearts started this way. Why? Because it’s an indication that you may not have clear, strong boundaries just yet. And if you’re starting to date as a single parent, you may be an easier target to someone who does not have good or honest intensions. So if you’re not sure exactly where your boundaries are, hold off on dating until you know.

A simple way to understand what you want, and define some boundaries is to make two lists. Make a list of the things you’re looking for in your future relationship. Make another list of traits or behaviors that are absolute NOs for you. This way you can save yourself from getting too far into a dating relationship that won’t work for you in the long run. These are your dating boundaries. Stick to these boundaries and be strong enough to not be ruled by your emotions alone. You may start dating someone who is charming and attractive, and is sweeping you off your feet. But if he has no patience, and doesn’t particularly like kids you’d be smart to end the relationship before you got in too deep.

Reinvent Yourself

No, I don’t mean completely changing everything about yourself. What I mean is, you’re now in a new role. You’re now in the role of single parent, which you probably have never been in before. Perhaps when you were in your long-term relationship you became too comfortable; too relaxed when it came to putting effort into your looks. But now you’re thinking about dating again. You want to put your best you forward.

Now is the perfect time to get yourself an updated hair style. Go out and buy some new ‘date’ clothes. Head over to the makeup counter at your favorite department store and learn some new makeup techniques. Updating your look will give you a confidence boost, and will surely get you some extra attention.

Be a Confident Single Parent

Being nervous about jumping into dating as a single parent is normal. It tends to be more nerve-racking the longer you’ve been away from dating. But don’t let your nerves scare you away from dating altogether. Doing any new thing is always going to make you nervous. You’re stepping out of your comfort zone. Have confidence in yourself. As long as you approach a new date as an opportunity to meet someone new and enjoy yourself, you’ll do fine. Relax, be confident and have fun. It’s just a date.

Don’t Compare Your Dates to Your Previous Partner

If you had a long-term relationship with your child’s other parent and they broke your trust in some way, it can hard not to compare a new date with them, but try your best not to do it. It’s common to have trust issues if you’ve come out of a relationship where you were deceived. This is why working through your baggage before you date, is so important. Of course don’t be naïve. If a date is throwing up red flags then question his motives. But don’t assume that all new dates are trying to deceive you in some way because your ex was like that. When you start dating, take your date at face value and enjoy their company without projecting your past relationship onto them.

Conversely, if nothing can live up to a past relationship in your mind then you’ll also have difficulty dating as a newly single parent. You might still need more time or counselling before you begin dating. Every relationship that you ever had, and will ever have will be different. You have to be open to new possibilities. As an example, look at Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. A most unlikely pairing, but because of open mindedness and a willingness to try new things they are happily in love.

Take Good Care of Yourself and Your Kids Above All Else

At the end of the day, the best thing that you can do for your family’s happy future is to take things slow. Be the kind of person that you would want to date. Be the person who is confident in who they are as a single parent. And be open to all possibilities. You’ll be glad you did.

The Divorce is Over – Now What? New Single Parent Reality

04/27/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

For some, going through a divorce can feel like all your hopes and dreams were just crushed under a huge pile of bricks; while for others it can feel like a pile of bricks was lifted from your back. Either way, moving on as a single parent is a new and sometimes challenging experience. Let’s look at some of the things that might crop up as you start your single parent life.

Feeling Lonely

One of the more challenging aspects of being a single parent is the feeling of being alone. Sometimes being alone can be a positive thing but if you are missing that special connection with another adult then you are not alone. Rather than putting yourself out there in the “market” right away take some time for you. Companionship can be found in many healthy activities such as craft groups, support groups, a bowling team, or anywhere you can make new friends and not feel so alone.

Healing Time

Give yourself some time to heal before dating again. For some, healing can involve learning to love yourselves again, and for others it could be learning to be on your own as a single parent. As much as you may feel like you can never do this alone don’t jump into another relationship until you have proven to yourself that you can. For some this can prove to be a struggle but it is possible. The only true way to have a healthy relationship with anyone is to be a whole (healed) person before you begin a relationship.

Find Support

Build a support group of friends and family. Choose only those who help you to feel good about yourself. Disconnect from those who put you down or doubt your abilities. You don’t need those people. And yes, you can tell them. Simply say that if they don’t have something positive to contribute then you can’t be around them right now. They will either change their ways or move on. If you find yourself without positive support or just would like more then you can always turn to local church groups in your community. Many larger churches have single parent support groups.

Children Need Healing and Support as Well

Your children need time to adjust to their new normal. Healing and support is crucial for them as well. No matter how adjusted you thing you are, think about where your kids are in their adjustment journey before you think about starting a new relationship. And when they are ready, and you’re thinking about dating, ask yourself: Will this person be a good influence? How soon should I introduce a new person into my child’s life? How will my child react? These are all valid questions and there is no one correct answer. The best thing to do is to consider these questions and more before you even consider dating.

You Will Adapt and Thrive as a Single Parent if you Allow Yourself

Adjusting to being a single parent is sometimes quite hard. Don’t give up on yourself though. You will adjust, heal, and become a better person/parent for your children.

5 Common Questions Single Parents Ask

04/26/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

1. How Do I Adjust to Being a Single Parent?

Being a single parent isn’t easy, especially in the beginning. But instead of giving in and feeling sorry for yourself, take steps to start the adjustment process right away. Get involved in a single parent support group. There you can find support and fun. Reach out to other single parents in your community. Invite them and their kids over for a play date or a picnic in the park. Be kind and take care of yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the better you’ll feel as a single parent.

2. Will I Ever Heal? How Can I Start the Healing Process?

Whether your spouse died or you’ve just gone through a divorce, you will need to go through the grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance are all a part of that process. For some the process is quicker than others. To help yourself through the grieving process, get involved in a support group. Let yourself cry when you feel like crying. Exercise; pursue a hobby; get yourself around other adults, and accept help from others. Help others. This actually has an amazing healing affect. Finally, seek out the help of a professional counselor/therapist if after 6 months you’re still not moving through the grieving process.

3. How am I Going to Live on My New Budget?

Newly single parents usually have to adjust to a new, smaller budget. This is something that you need to pay attention to right away. You cannot live the way you did when there were two incomes. Create a brutally honest budget for your single parent family and stick to it. Maxing out your credit cards and possibly ruining your credit will only make matters WAY worse for a long time. Look for ways to increase your income. Try to eliminate or restructure any debt that you currently have. Live within your means by cutting out all but necessary expenses. As you adjust to single parent living you can then start adding additional expenses to your budget as your income allows.

Where Can I Find a Single Parent Support Group?

You should be able to find more than on single parent support group in your community. You may even be able to find single parent support groups that cater to specific sub-groups such as single moms, single dads, etc. Many religious organizations off single parent support groups, so look there. Ask for referral from doctors, or other single parents in the community. Google single parent support groups in your area.

5. How do I Start Dating Again?

Whether you want to date just for the adult companionship or you’re looking for something more serious, here are a few ideas on how to meet new potential dates. For sure there are many dating apps out there. If you decide to use a dating app, use caution. People can be very deceptive on dating apps. Instead, join a gym or take a night class at your local community college. You can spend time at bookstores, museums, or any other place where single frequent. A great place to meet new people (potential dates included) is your local church. Offer to volunteer which gives you a built in excuse to talk to everyone.

Dating can boost your ego as a newly single parent but be very cautious. Take it slow, and don’t put yourself out there until you’ve had time to heal from your previous relationship.

Single Parents and Healthy Boundaries

04/24/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

As kids, we learn that boundaries are the lines on the playing field that separate where the players play from where the viewers watch. But as adults, the boundary lines in our own personal lives aren’t as clear. In fact, setting healthy boundaries can be particularly difficult for single parents, because you often have to rely on others to help you – from your ex, to your kids, to your parents. In order to protect your privacy and maintain a positive sense of self, you’ll need to cultivate boundaries in the the following areas:

Boundaries With Your Ex

All of our relationships need healthy boundaries, and your relationship with your ex is no different. Whether you were married for 25 years or just dating for a few months, you need to establish a new way of relating where each of you understands the rules and can learn to get along for your kids’ sake.

Boundaries With Your Kids

From enforcing a set of basic house rules to teaching your kids that they can count on you to be consistent, maintaining clear boundaries with your kids is vital to your survival as a single parent.

Boundaries With Your Family

Another area where we all need boundaries is with our own parents and extended family members. Especially if you count on your family to help you raise your kids, it can be difficult to set and maintain boundary lines. In reality, though, creating healthy boundaries in these relationships is the key to making them work for all of you for the long haul.

Boundaries in Dating

When you begin dating, it’s important to set boundary lines with your partner and with your kids. In order to do this, though, you’re going to have to talk openly about your relationship and what you each expect.

Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries in all four of these areas will help you parent well, learn to collaborate with your ex, and maintain your integrity at the same time.