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Financial Planning for the Single Parent

Financial Planning for the Single Parent

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As a single parent it’s even more important than ever to have a short term and long term financial plan.  At About.com they have an article that covers some of the financial planning that you need to think about for you and your child.  The article covers:

  • Creating a Budget
  • Getting Child Support
  • Finding Additional Help
  • Setting up an Emergency Fund
  • Life Insurance
  • Education Funding

While the article doesn’t go into a great amount of detail, if you are just starting to think about financial planning it’s a good place to start.  Many single parents don’t even think about financial planning until they are hit with a crisis; and that’s the worst time to start.

You can read the entire article by clicking on Finances for a Single Parent

Single Parent Fed up with Indulgent Grandma

Single Parent Fed up with Indulgent Grandma

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From  The Boston Globe

Q. I am 26 and a single parent to a 3-year-old girl. I love my daughter more than anything. However, in the past few months, she has become a brat, doing everything she can to test me.

Due to recent financial problems, we had to move in with my mother until I can finish my degree and get a job. No matter what discipline I use, nothing works because my mother undermines me. There is no consistency in what is right or wrong. My mother always gives in to her every request.

Once in a while, I will spank my daughter. My mother, however, cornered me and gave me a lecture on how awful I am for spanking my child. Yet I can clearly recall being spanked by my mother when I was little.

Mom questions my parenting in front of my daughter. I am grateful that she opened her home to us, but I can’t be an effective parent when she constantly undercuts my authority. How can I get her to keep her child-rearing opinions to herself?

TEXAS

A. While we agree with your mother that discipline does not require spanking, we also understand how difficult it is to raise a child when an indulgent grandparent rules the roost. First, have a sit-down discussion with Mom when your daughter is asleep. Get her to acknowledge that a lack of discipline is not healthy for her grandchild. Compromise by agreeing to use different forms of discipline other than spanking. Create rules you can both abide by. If that doesn’t work, bring Mom to your next pediatrician appointment, and ask the doctor to speak to her. And find other living arrangements as soon as possible.

How to be a Single Parent Success

How to be a Single Parent Success

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The reality of single parenting

We hear a lot about single parent households in the news, and how challenging a single parent home can be for children growing up.  As much as single parents don’t want to hear that (especially those who didn’t choose to be a single parent), the challenges should not be ignored.  However, there is research that shows that children of single parents can avoid many challenges, and thrive when they’re provided consistent love and support.

If you search online you can find many resources and organizations, both nationally and locally, that exist to help single parents succeed in raising healthy, well adjusted kids.  And that’s very important, but the critical daily needs of a child, and the managing of daily responsibilities must be shouldered by the single parent.  As we all know, that can be overwhelming at times.

So how do single parents succeed?

Love

Tell your children that you love them.  You’d be surprised how many parents forget to tell their kids that they love them.  Show your kids that you love them.  Show the kids that you love them enough to be a responsible parent.  They will thank you later.

Consistency

Children do best when they have consistent routines and guidelines; and your house runs smoother.  Make sure your child has a consistent schedule and bedtime.  Establish rules and boundaries that are consistently enforced with appropriate consequences for violations.  Don’t forget to praise good behavior.

Communication

Have family meetings once a week to share the up-coming schedule and get feedback from your kids.  You may not think that you need a weekly meeting because you and your child always talk; or your child’s too young, but think again.  As your kids get older, family meeting time may be the only time they can re-connect with the rest of the family.  The longer you wait to start this ritual, the harder it is to maintain in a single parent household.

Attention

Listen to what your kids are saying; especially when they’re not talking.  Know who their friends are; and their friend’s parents.  Know what they’re watching, listening to, and where they’re going online.  Know where your children are at all times.  Again, the older your kids get, the more important this becomes.

We all know that it’s not easy being a single parent, but we can make it easier on our kids and on ourselves if we follow some important rules.

Single Parent Dads – Happy Fathers Day

Single Parent Dads – Happy Fathers Day

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Happy Fathers Day to all the hardworking dads out there; single parent dads, joint custody dads, step dads and regular dads.

I’ve found some inspiring articles about dads.  I hope you enjoy them.  And enjoy your special day!

Single dads find support among their peers

Just because Sheldon Kitzul is a social worker and life coach doesn’t mean he  has all the answers to the challenges of fatherhood, including single parenting.  So, recently, he dropped into 1UP, the Victoria Single Parent Resource Centre to  see what they offered and opted to join its Dads With Dads Support Group.

Read more:  http://www.vancouverson.com

A special tribute on Father’s Day to single dads

Until recently, many occupations were “gendered,” in that people thought of them as being necessarily male or female. A doctor, for example, was always assumed to be male, while a nurse was inevitably seen as female.

This meant that female doctors and male nurses were all but invisible. But no longer: The fall of gender barriers in recent decades has provided new visibility to those who previously lived in the shadows.

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com

Fathers get a bad rap in the media and the courts

Arnold Schwarzenegger. John Edwards. Eliot Spitzer. John Ensign. Mark Sanford. To hear the media tell it, we live in the era of the bad dad.

Stories about famous, successful men who submit to temptation and harm their family lives in the process certainly make great headlines and Internet fodder, as do the divorces that often follow.

Lost in the obsession over this handful of episodes is the fact that research shows that most fathers are heavily invested in their kids’ lives and that their presence is vital.

Read more:  http://www.star-telegram.com

Fathers Day: Dads are very important, and every child should have one in their lives

This is the day for fathers and their children to celebrate that they have each other.

There is much to celebrate. Dads are enormously important. They understand boys as only a former boy can, and can offer guidance and examples that only a male can provide. They teach daughters things a man understands better than a woman, and help them get ready to have healthy relationships with males.

Read more: http://www.dailypress.com

On Father’s Day, honoring the single dads who step up

Most days, it sure doesn’t feel to Mark Hertle like he’s part of one of society’s hottest trends. Take what is supposed to be a routine part of parenting: the PTA meeting.

“I go in to those meetings, and I’m still viewed with some suspicion,” Hertle says. “It’s like: Why am I there? Am I cruising for a date or something? It’s just a little bit of a sense you get, that you’re an outlier.” Yet in that often thankless duty of child-rearing, they say nobody is stepping up these days more than dads like Hertle. By which I mean: single dads.

Read more:  http://seattletimes.nwsource.com

Are You a Single Parent Idiot?

Are You a Single Parent Idiot?

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5 Things Some Single Parents Do that make us All Look Bad

Let’s face it, being a single parent is not the easiest job in the world; and for some it’s overwhelming.  What makes matters worse is that single parents are portrayed in the media as being uneducated, lazy and neglectful.  Some studies even suggest that single parents are raising the next crop of prison inmates.  Because of the negative public image that single parents and their children must overcome, it is frustrating when some single parents do things that make us all look bad.  If you’re reading Single Parent advice websites like this one, you’re probably not ‘one of those’ single parents.  If you know ‘one of those’ single parents, maybe you can tactfully send them this list.

1.  You Send your Kids to School Dirty

Ask any teacher what their pet peeves are when it comes to parents, and right at the top is children who show up to school in dirty clothes and/or in need of a bath.  I know that it isn’t just single parents that are guilty of this, but no matter how stretched you are as a single parent, make sure your children go to school clean.  It helps your child get viewed in a positive way.  It helps your child’s self-esteem.  And it reflects well on you, as a single parent which, in turn helps all single parents.

2.  You Haven’t Given Your Children Structure

If this doesn’t happen early, good luck trying to reign in your middle or high-schooler.  Children thrive on structure.  You don’t have to be a drill sergeant but if you have to be the mom and the dad, you’re going to have to face the fact that you need to be loving but firm.  Let your children know who the parent is; what the rules are, and why they are important.  And let them know what the consequences are if those rules are broken. If you’re consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly your children willingly stay within the boundaries you’ve set.  And by the time your children reach middle school, they will already have these good habits instilled in them.

3.  You Turn your Child Against the Other Parent

I can hear some single parents saying, ‘I didn’t turn my child against their other parent; the other parent did it by________________’ (fill in the blank).  Whether your child’s other parent is involved and paying child support, or not involved at all; your child is still genetically half of that person.  No matter how horrible the other parent is to you, or even your child, you can still refrain from speaking badly.  You can teach your child that it’s okay to love the other parent but hate their behavior.  Why would you want to do this?  Because your child’s emotional health and self esteem depend on it.  Growing up knowing that you come from two ‘good’ parents; even if one of those parents is making really bad choices right now, helps kids emotionally.  A child who is brought up thinking that one half of the gene pool that created him/her is ‘bad’, can’t help but be convinced that part of that ‘bad’ is inside of them.  And that causes problems later on.

4.  You Burden Your Child with Your Problems

One of the best things that you can do for your child is to let them know that they don’t have to worry.  Sure there will be problems.  Maybe the car breaks down and you don’t know how you’re going to manage.  Or maybe you don’t know how you’re going to come up with the rent money this month. Instead of burdening your child by telling them you don’t have a clue what you’ll do, they need to hear that, no matter what, you are the parent and you will take care of them.  Children need a sense that someone is steering the boat and is taking responsibility.  Children are children, and burdening them with adult issues forces them to worry about things that they’re not mature enough to handle.  If you love your children, you’ll unload on an adult friend; that’s what they’re for.

5.  Your Issues have you Dragging your Children through Multiple Bad Relationships

If you’ve had a messed up childhood and never got counseling for it, chances are you’re still messed up and you’re passing this ‘messed-upness’ onto your children.  You love your kids.  You don’t want to set them up for a lifetime of low self-esteem and broken relationships with all the wrong people.  So before you begin that next screwed-up relationship, go get help.  If not for you; for your kids.

There’s a lot of bad press out there about single parents and the effects of single parenting on children.  And while many of us didn’t choose single parenting, it was thrust upon us, we can still be smart single parents and prove the ‘experts’ wrong.

Apophenia: 5 Secrets to Success

Apophenia: 5 Secrets to Success

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If you are the Type A – Uber-Achiever who just happens to be a single parent, this post is for you.

 

1. “Demo or die.” This was the mantra at the Media Lab and i absolutely detested the process of having to demo Lab work to every visitor who entered the building. It was exhausting and repetitive. Looking back, i can’t tell you how much this changed my world. Through the Lab, i learned to be able to present anything on the fly to any audience. I learned how to squeeze a 30 minute talk into 5 minutes and build on a 5 minute talk to fill an hour with useful information. I learned how to read what people knew and adjust what i was showing them to their interests and level of knowledge. Speaking and expressing ideas to a wide variety of audiences is so important. And it takes practice. A lot of practice. You can’t just hide in a library cubicle for years and then expect to give a stellar job talk. The reason that i speak so often is that i think that i need the practice. I want to learn to get my point across. Sometimes, i fail, but i keep trying.

(This also applies to writing. Be able to write to any audience. Learn to write an op-ed, a persuasive blog post, an academic article, anything and everything! I detest writing; that’s why i started blogging my ideas. Practice practice practice.)

2. “Learn the rules. And then learn how to break them.” I was a punk kid who refused to follow by anyone’s rules. I got kicked out of everywhere. I thought that this was radical. When i was in high school, my mother explained that one of her best skills was telling people to fuck off and go to hell in a ladylike way so that they didn’t even know how to respond. Over the years, i realized that there is immense power in understanding the rules and norms and tweaking them to meet your goals. Rejecting society is fun as a kid; figuring out how to circumnavigate barriers to entry is more fun as an adult. Do it with grace, kindness, and sincerity. (I fear that explicitly stating examples of this here might get me into trouble.)

3. “Diversify your life.” The term diversity is so loaded it’s painful, but i can’t think of a better word to explain what i want to explain. Get to know people from every walk of life. Read books from every discipline. Read different blogs. Attend conferences that address the same issue from a ton of different perspectives. And when you attend those conferences, spend 50% of the time with people you know well and 50% of the time with people that you barely know. One of the best decisions i made at SXSW this year was to not flit around but to hang out with one small group per night and really bond. I hate the concept of “social networking” because it seems so skeevy. The idea isn’t to build a big rolodex, but to build meaningful relationships that exist on multiple levels – professional, personal, etc. The more people and ideas you encounter, the more creative you’ll be able to be and the more that you’ll be able to contribute to a conversation on top of the things that you know deeply through your own work.

To read the entire post click here.