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Single Parent Tips for a Smooth Running House

Single Parent Tips for a Smooth Running House

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As a single parent, it’s often difficult keeping everything in your household running smoothly. Taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, while trying to have a tiny bit of a life of your own can be hard. And it’s not easy finding help as a single parent without spending large amounts of money.  One of the greatest challenges of being a single parent is: how do you fit it all in?  For the single parent time management is an essential tool.  It takes planning, dedication and commitment to take control of your time and resources so that you can get everything done when it has to be done. If takes some effort but it is well worth it, and it teaches your kids important life skills.

Being a single parent doesn’t mean you are at a disadvantage.  It’s only a disadvantage if you think of it as one.  In fact, some single parent households are more effective at child rearing and running a smooth house than some two-parent households.  Think of how many families you know where the mom and dad cancel each other out because of their opposite parenting styles. Their kids end up running the show, and running amok.  However, when it comes to things such as running errands, transporting the kids and such you need to understand your time constraints and make adjustments.  Now that you’re a single parent you’re the one responsible for all of it; but you can do it!

Here are some tips for making your single parent household run smoother:

Discipline

Teach your children boundaries and discipline from the time they are old enough to understand. This does not mean being overly strict; it means a lovingly structured environment. Teaching your children rules, responsibility and respect when they are young will make a big difference the older they get.  Many newly single parents become very lax about rules, responsibility and respect because they feel overwhelmed. Or they don’t want to be ‘the bad guy’.  Being a single parent is no excuse for failing to instill discipline in your children.  Children thrive in a structured environment and discipline will help them become well adjusted, productive adults.

Communicate

Talk to your children about rules and boundaries, and why they are important.  Let your kids know that you love them and that you discipline out of love for them.  Be positive.  Communicating a feeling of being overwhelmed or fearful of the future is damaging to children.  Use an adult friend to unload your concerns; and remember to keep communication with your children on age appropriate levels.  Keep the lines of communication open with your children.  This can be hard as your kids become teens, but keep letting them know that you’re there for them.  And keep giving them opportunities to talk and confide in you.

Be Diligent

Once you develop your ‘smooth running house’ plan, stick with it.  If the children are responsible for chores, or checking in with you when they get home from school make sure they are given a consequence if they break a rule.  If you are diligent about maintaining the rules and boundaries of the house, the children will soon master the skill of discipline and you will be on your way to a smooth running single parent household.  The REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT is that you will have well adjusted children who grow into adults that have some great life skills; that you instilled in them.

There are many successful single parent families out there; and your family can be one of them.

Single Parent Dating Sites – Are You Being Safe?

Single Parent Dating Sites – Are You Being Safe?

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How Popular are Single Parent Dating Sites?

Dating and the single parent.  Online dating remains one of the most frequently used services on the internet.  While online dating is nothing new, the increase in divorce rates has made single parent dating sites pop up like mushrooms.  And for good reason.  The appeal of using a single parent dating site rather than a more general site like Match.com or e harmony are numerous.  One major reason is that the first level weeding process has already been taken care of and you will already have something in common with the other single parents on the site; kids.  This makes single parent dating sites very popular with single moms and dads.

Why are Single Parents Flocking to Online Dating Sites?

Being a single parent is harder than most people think.  Most newly divorced parents quickly become overwhelmed by the time and energy it takes to raise children as a single parent.  Not to mention the cost.  Hiring a sitter is a luxury that is just not in most single parents’ budgets.

Why don’t single parents date on the weekends that their ex has the kids and they don’t have to worry about a sitter?  The answer is that many single parents are subjected to a cruel joke.  Percentage-wise most single dads are the non-custodial parent and most single moms are the custodial parent.  So this means that when single mom has the weekend off, all the single dads are home taking care of their kids.  And when single dad has his free weekends, all the single moms are home with the kids.

A single mom once joked that she was going to take a second job delivering pizza on the weekends when she didn’t have her kids.  Judging from all the pizza nights her kids had at their dad’s house, she figured delivering pizzas was a sure fire way to meet the single dads in her area!

Are There Dangers with Dating Online as a Single Parent?

Single parents can quickly find themselves isolated and lonely; not a good place to be.  Staying connected to your old friends who are married becomes harder and harder because they just don’t understand what you’re going through.  Connecting with someone who can relate sounds more and more enticing.  Joining a single parent online dating site becomes the solution that more and more single parents choose.  But be aware, being an isolated, lonely single parent has its blind spots and hazards.

Realize that your guard may be down when you interact on single parent dating sites and be careful not to accidentally give away too much information early on which could be dangerous to you and/or your children.

Naturally single parents will want to talk a lot about their kids so it’s extra important to safeguard them from anyone who would do them harm.  And just like on the singles dating sites, some people are not who they present themselves to be.

Being a lonely single parent puts you at a greater risk of being deceived into a close connection and giving up personal details before you know who you’re really dealing with.  In the wrong hands your personal information can put you and your children in harm’s way.

This all may sound discouraging, but before you completely give up trying to connect with other single parents online, there are some things you can do to make it a safer experience.

Single Parent Online Dating Safety Tips

Tip 1 – Don’t create bad karma.  When creating an online profile be honest.  Don’t do things like use your best photo from years gone by that doesn’t even resemble you today.  If you’re 30 pounds heavier, or balding, your ‘white lies’ will come back to haunt you if you connect with someone online worth meeting.  And worse, karma has a way of returning to you what you send out into the universe.  If you don’t want to be deceived online don’t deceive others online.

Tip 2 – As a single parent you need to be sure to maintain the privacy of your kids.  It’s very easy as a single parent to get comfortable and start talking about your children using their real names.  You might later mention their school, and maybe you later talk about your work hours.  The sad fact is that predators are out there online.  Take steps to be sure you don’t put your children in any potential danger by identifying them by name or mentioning the schools they attend.

Tip 3 – Understand that if you spend much of your time online talking about your ex-spouse and what he/she did to you; you’re not over that relationship.  This means you are a high risk candidate for having an unhealthy rebound relationship.  This also means that if you’ve healed and are ready to move forward, you don’t want to get involved with someone who hasn’t let go of their ex-spouse yet.  By avoiding those types you’ll save yourself and your kids a world of pain.

The bottom line is single parent dating sites aren’t the perfect solution but they can be a real benefit for single parents.  Single parent dating sites are about the only viable way a single parent can connect with other single parents after the kids are off to bed without hiring a sitter and cruising the bar scene (which is probably even more dangerous!)  If you understand your vulnerabilities and take precautions, you can feel safe connecting with other single parents online after the children are tucked in bed for the night.  And who knows, you just might find someone special.

4 Challenges of Dating as a Single Parent

4 Challenges of Dating as a Single Parent

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I’m not going to lie, there are challenges when it comes to dating as a single parent.  Being a single parent can cramp your style when it comes to dating if you let it. But don’t let it.  Here are 4 challenges that single parents face when dating, along with some advice on how to overcome them.  Because you owe it to yourself to have a life; and possibly a new relationship.  So follow this advice and you just might find yourself enjoying a few nights out on the town with an attractive companion.  And maybe more…

1. Time

One of the biggest obstacles to single parent dating is time. Without a partner to help you transport, feed and nurture your children, you may find yourself in a non-stop hamster’s wheel of activities, responsibilities and obligations.  And if you have small children, childcare may be an issue. They may already spend large amounts of time in daycare.

Giving yourself permission to get out and enjoy yourself is the first step toward having a regular dating life.  Enlist the help of friends, relatives an older child.  Trade evening babysitting with another single mother so your youngsters can be around people they are comfortable with.



2. Money

Simply put, dating can be expensive.

There are many activities that can be enjoyed without spending large sums of money. A simple picnic, an early movie, skating, hiking, a drive in the country, dinner at home, or a BBQ in the back yard are all activities that can be arranged very inexpensively.  And you’ll probably have a more enjoyable time.

3. Empathy

Not all dates are going to be thrilled with a date who needs to check on her offspring often or who receives multiple phone calls from demanding children or babysitters. The restrictions on how long you can stay out and how far away you can travel may put a damper on an evening with someone who does not have children of their own.

Instead of leaving this to chance, join organizations such as Parents Without Partners.  This can be an excellent way of engaging in family activities and meeting other people, especially those of the opposite sex, who are in your situation. There are also many online dating sites available which are designed specifically for the single parent.

4. Lack of Self-Confidence

Many single parents put all of their energy into taking care of their children and households. By the time they are ready to jump back into the dating arena, they may be out of touch with trends and popular hot spots. They may not have a wardrobe conducive to dating. Their conversation skills may be limited to entertaining a three-year old during snack time. All of this can add up to a general lack of confidence when it comes to re-entering the dating and relationship scene.

It may not sound like a good solution but practice makes perfect.  Sure, making mistakes doesn’t sound like fun, but if you keep trying and keep a positive mindset you will regain your confidence and dating will get easier.  Be patient with yourself.  The worst thing that you could do is to rush into dating anyway.

Be kind to yourself.  Give the dating process plenty of time.  And enjoy the journey.

Single Parent Families Today

Single Parent Families Today

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Single Parent Families

Today being the head of a single parent family is more common than the so called traditional family. The traditional family was defined as a mother, father and children. Today we see all sorts of ‘families’ including many single parent families. And even within the category of single parent family we see a range of mothers, fathers and even extended family members raising children as a single parent. Today none of this is unusual.

Single Parent Life

Life in a single parent household today is quite common, but it can be very stressful for the parent and the children. It can be hard not having a partner to share the responsibilities of paying the bills, taking care of the children, and doing the chores. You have all of the parental responsibility in additional to working full time. And it’s no secret that many single parent families have less financial resources than two parent households, which can make single parent family life more stressful.

In addition to all of the above, single parent families can sometimes experience added stressors that two parent families typically don’t experience.

Unique Situations that Cause Stress in Single Parent Families

  • Visitation and custody problems can lead to fractured emotional bonds and expensive legal bills.
  • Potential for conflict with non-custodial parent over different parenting styles.
  • Quality time with children can be hard to come by.
  • Disruptions of extended family relationships can feel alienating.
  • Potential problems when the parent starts to pursue new relationships

Single Parent Family Success

Single parent families can be successful. The best way to succeed at single parenting is to try to get along with your children’s other parent if possible. Also reach out to other single parents. Build up your support team. There are groups that you can join in your communities and churches. Strengthen the bonds with your extended family members as well. Don’t try to do it alone. Accept help and assistance from others. And give back where you can.

Tell us about your single parent success stories.

Fighting for Child Support When Parents Are Unmarried

Fighting for Child Support When Parents Are Unmarried

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Disclaimer: Laws may vary from state to state. I advise you to do your own research.

Before You Can Request Child Support

Before we talk about support for the child born to unmarried couples, let’s look at child custody first.

Child custody cases for unmarried parents are quite different from those that involve divorced parents. Divorced fathers generally tend to find themselves in family court fighting for their right to retain contact or periodically visit their children after the separation. While divorced mothers generally are in the courtroom to fight for child support from the fathers. This dynamic is changing as more and more fathers get primary custody, and more mothers become the parent who earns the higher income.

For single parents who’ve never been married however, paternty must be established before the single father can fight for the right to have any type of visitation or joint custoday. And paternity must be established before the single mother can take up the issue of child support the court.

After Paternity is Established

A number of important issues arise for both the single mother and single father when child custody is taken up in court. When the parents of a child are not married to each other, sole physical custody of the children is often awarded to the mother. Unless a father establishes paternity though court approved procedures and takes a strong action to be awarded custody of his children, he is usually left with very little chances of gaining access to them.

If the single mother denies the single father access to the children, he has to seek action in a family court to establish paternity and wait for the judge’s final decision. Full custody of the children are usually only be granted to unwed fathers if the mother is found unfit to raise them. For younger children, the chances of an unwed father being awarded custody have always remained slim, and a lot of time and money is involved in these procedures.

Asking a Court to Grant Financial Support

When it comes to financial support for the child from an unwed couple, there is an increasing number of single mothers going to court to obtain some form of support from the single father. In these cases, the mothers have to first establish paternity so she can request financial support for the children under her custody. Without seeking the help of the court, it is often impossible for mothers to get the fathers to pay for their fair share in raising the children. When support is delivered voluntarily, single mothers face the threat of losing this anytime a single father decides to stop these contributions. But with a court decision after paternity is established, garnishments against the salaries or any form of income the father makes can be arranged, and the children are assured of continuing financial support until they are of age.

If you find yourself in this situation the best thing to do is stay focused on what is best for the child. Making sure that everyone’s legal rights are protected before problems arise is the smart thing to do.

8 Tips on Reducing Single Parent Stress

8 Tips on Reducing Single Parent Stress

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Raising kids can be stressful.  Raising kids alone can be STRESSFUL.  Here are some tips to reduce your single parent stress.

1. Get Your Finances Under Control

Raising a family on a reduced income can be one of the the most stressful aspects of being a single parent. That’s why one of the first things that you should do is understand your expenses, and make a budget.  Controlling your cash flow by sticking to a budget is one of the most important things that you can do to reduce stress and move forward with your single parent life.

2. Set Up a Support System

All single parents need help — whether it’s someone to watch the kids while you run out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed. While it’s tempting to try to handle everything alone, ask friends and family members for help. You could join a single-parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted sitter to help out with the kids or someone to assist with housework.



3. Set UP and Keep Daily and Weekly Routines

The more routines you have in place, the more smoothly your house will run.  Schedule meals and chores on a weekly calendar.  Have a set bedtime for the kids, along with a bedtime routine (bath, brush teeth, lay out clothes, quiet reading time before bed).  Once in place, these routines will be comforting to your children because they will know what to expect each day.  Consistent routines will help your kids feel more secure, and your household will run much more smoothly.

4. Maintain Healthy Boundaries with Your Children

When you become a single parent there tends to be a big void where your partner used to be.  Many times it’s tempting to rely too heavily on children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But relying on your children to act as substitutes for an adult partner is unhealthy for both of you.  Instead of relying on your children for emotional support seek out other adults for your emotional needs.  If you don’t have family or friends to rely on, many churches have single parent support groups to help.  Different churches offer different kinds of support, but you might be surprised at how supportive they can be.  Or seek counseling if necessary.

5. Carve Out Quality Time with Your Children

As a single parent there is always going to be something you need to do around the house; but don’t let that stop you from connecting with your children in a meaningful way every day.  Use your routines to connect – a quick bedtime story; or family breakfast catch up with your children will keep you connected daily.  Then find larger chunks of time, perhaps on the weekends to do fun things together – bike rids, crafts or baking can provide the fun bonding time you need with your children.  And it doesn’t have to cost anything.  As long as you focus on love and connection, your time as a family will surely be quality time.



6. Take Time for Yourself

I know it sometimes seems impossible to carve out any time for yourself, but it is so important.  With your budget, routines, and rituals in place it will be much easier to accomplish.  Remember, if you’re not at your best, nothing in you single parent household is going to be running at its best.  Even if it’s something as simple as a warm bath, or 15 minutes of reading before you go to bed.  Setting aside personal time for you to refuel will do wonders for your whole family.

7. Stay positive

As a single parent it can be easy to become overwhelmed by all your responsibilities every day.  On top of that, you may not have wanted the divorce.  Or maybe you are grieving the death of a spouse.  It is true; you do have to go through the grieving process.  And you do have to deal with your feelings regarding a divorce; but you can still cultivate a positive environment in your home.  The key is to move through and process the painful event that has happened in your family.  Don’t get stuck in the pain.  Don’t let negativity and sadness become what you and your family is now about.  If you’re feeling sad, it’s okay to share some of your sentiments with your children, but always try to help them see that for every ending there is a new beginning.

8. Dream About and Plan for the Future

This really needs no explanation.  The way to make a great future is to dream about and plan for a great future.  Do this, and teach your children how to do this, and things will turn out just fine.