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Have a Good Single Parent Plan

Have a Good Single Parent Plan

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Becoming a Single Mom or Dad

You may not have started with the plan of being a single mom, but the statistics don’t lie. Becoming a single parent is inevitable for many parents.

Ideally, raising a child involves a full time mother and father, since each bring different strengths and therefore a broader way of attending to the different needs of the child. But when it is no longer possible to keep the nuclear family intact, then it’s better to become a single parent than to sacrifice your emotional and/or physical health; and that of your child’s as well.

If you’re thinking about separating from your child’s other parent, now is the time to start planning for life as a single parent. Making such monumental decisions without a plan can be a disaster. Planning for your future as a single parent helps to ensure that your child will grow up to be an independent and responsible human being despite having only one full time parent.

Where to start

Make a commitment to be an effective single parent. Realize up front that there will be pressures with work and financial responsibilities that will seem overwhelming at the time. However, outside pressure is not an excuse to water down your commitment to raising your child in the healthiest, most loving way possible.

Make your Emotional Needs a High Priority

Experts agree, the best single parents are the ones who make their own emotional needs a high priority. This means maintaining a life that doesn’t completely revolve around your child and being a single mom or dad. Children thrive in an environment where they feel safe, loved, and cared for. If you haven’t taken responsibility and dealt with your own issues, you’ll be stuck in victim mode. To develop a healthy way of relating to the world, your Children need the strength and guidance that only a healthy parent can give them. Since there is a need for you to be strong and healthy for your child, dealing with your own issues first is a must. You don’t necessarily need to go to counseling, but it could definitely help.  Be sure that you have a group of friends or family to provide emotional support so that you don’t lean on your child for support.  Also know that many parents have been right where you are, and they’ve adjusted to their new life just fine.  And in time you will too.

Find your Inner Motivation

It is a must for single parents to find a way to motivate themselves to keep moving forward.  Some days will be tougher than others.  Finding your reason for getting up when you don’t want to; or plowing through a difficult situation will make all the difference.  Many adults become responsible single parents because they have motivated themselves to look for positive things that the situations brought them. Successful, effective single parenting typically follows once the single mom or dad is able to find his or her source of motivation in achieving goals that they’ve set not only for themselves but for the children as well.

Assess your Strengths and Weaknesses

For you to become an effective single parent, you really want to undergo lots of reflection and self-assessment to know what are your strengths and your weaknesses. If you know your strengths as a parent, your child will see that in you and they will believe that you can take care of them even if you are the only parent. It’s also important to address your weaknesses so you know areas in parenting that you should improve on. By know your own weaknesses as a parent, you can turn these into opportunities that will make single parenting more successful for you and for your child.

Choose to be a Single Parent Success

You may not have chosen this journey for yourself and your child, but here you are.  And you can choose to be a great success at being a single parent.  Just set your mind to it and let nothing stop you from being the best single mom or dad. Many single parents have gone down this path before you and succeeded in raising wonderfully adjusted kids.  Set you mind in the right place and let nothing stop you, and you too will be a very successful single parent.

When is it OK to Leave my Children Home Alone?

When is it OK to Leave my Children Home Alone?

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As a single parent you may be asking yourself, ‘when can I start leaving my children home alone?’ This may be out of necessity or because your children seem mature enough and don’t want to go with you everywhere you go.

Before you make the decision to leave you children home alone there are many things to consider. The following is a link to an article that covers everything that you need to think about and address before you decide to leave your children at home without you.

Children Home Alone – Decide When to Leave Them Home

Study Sheds Light on Single Parent Stress

Study Sheds Light on Single Parent Stress

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Self-esteem plays a key part in a single mother’s happiness, but makes little difference to the life satisfaction of single fathers, new research shows.

Research by an academic at Western Australia’s Edith Cowan University, Bronwyn Harman, into the life satisfaction of different family formations, showed that single parents believed they were still viewed negatively by society, even though they accounted for 17 per cent of families in Australia.

Dr Harman interviewed scores of single parents, and then rated their life satisfaction based on their resilience, self-esteem and social support. She found that while all three factors contributed to the happiness of single mothers, self-esteem ”had no impact” on the life satisfaction of single fathers.

”Single mothers can have lots of social support, but unless they have that internal self-belief, they don’t believe what they’re being told,” Dr Harman said.

”With dads, they just believe what they’re told – ‘you’re doing a good job’.” Dr Harman found little difference in the ”relatively low level” of life satisfaction among both single fathers and single mothers. ”When you combine the negative stereotypes with the day-to-day struggle of being a single parent, it would generally not be a very happy place to be,” she said.

All single parents said they were stigmatized by society. ”Single mothers said partnered mothers were threatened by them, viewing them as potential husband stealers,” Dr Harman said.

”Single fathers said society viewed them as a ‘failure’, ‘with suspicion’, and ‘rejected’. There is an incorrect but pervasive view that only mothers know how to parent.”

Single dads told of spending tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees for access to their child, being regularly excluded from special occasions involving their child, and being cut out of the communication loop by their child’s school.

Single mothers reported finding daily life a struggle, with no one to share the burden of illness and tiredness, or their parenting successes.

Dr Harman said a lack of social support for single parents contributed to their low levels of life satisfaction.

”Being a parent with a partner is hard enough,” she said. ”You can’t imagine what it would be like juggling and struggling all by yourself with no one to fall back on.” Justine Proctor became a single mother five years ago when her husband – from whom she was separated – died.

”There are not a lot of good things about being a single parent,” she said.

Now her son, Luke Harford, is on the cusp of adolescence, Ms Proctor feels keenly the lack of a partner. ”My son is just at the age where he does need a father figure around, a good male role model,” she said.

Ms Proctor said her ”saving grace” was the Single with Children support group.

She said the best thing about her family set-up was her bond with Luke. ”I’m hoping the bond is going to last through the teenage years,” she said.

Single Parents Have Questions

Single Parents Have Questions

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As I search the internet for things to help single parents with their desire to be the best parents they can be, I come across many questions posted by single parents.

As I come across questions that single parents are asking, I will post them in a new category called Single Parent Questions.  My hope is that you will be able to find answers to some of your single parent questions.  If not, leave a question in the comments and we’ll try to find some answers for you.

Just as a Note:  The answers to many of the questions do not necessarily reflect my own oppinion on the suject matter.

Single Parent Fed up with Indulgent Grandma

Single Parent Fed up with Indulgent Grandma

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From  The Boston Globe

Q. I am 26 and a single parent to a 3-year-old girl. I love my daughter more than anything. However, in the past few months, she has become a brat, doing everything she can to test me.

Due to recent financial problems, we had to move in with my mother until I can finish my degree and get a job. No matter what discipline I use, nothing works because my mother undermines me. There is no consistency in what is right or wrong. My mother always gives in to her every request.

Once in a while, I will spank my daughter. My mother, however, cornered me and gave me a lecture on how awful I am for spanking my child. Yet I can clearly recall being spanked by my mother when I was little.

Mom questions my parenting in front of my daughter. I am grateful that she opened her home to us, but I can’t be an effective parent when she constantly undercuts my authority. How can I get her to keep her child-rearing opinions to herself?

TEXAS

A. While we agree with your mother that discipline does not require spanking, we also understand how difficult it is to raise a child when an indulgent grandparent rules the roost. First, have a sit-down discussion with Mom when your daughter is asleep. Get her to acknowledge that a lack of discipline is not healthy for her grandchild. Compromise by agreeing to use different forms of discipline other than spanking. Create rules you can both abide by. If that doesn’t work, bring Mom to your next pediatrician appointment, and ask the doctor to speak to her. And find other living arrangements as soon as possible.

How to be a Single Parent Success

How to be a Single Parent Success

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The reality of single parenting

We hear a lot about single parent households in the news, and how challenging a single parent home can be for children growing up.  As much as single parents don’t want to hear that (especially those who didn’t choose to be a single parent), the challenges should not be ignored.  However, there is research that shows that children of single parents can avoid many challenges, and thrive when they’re provided consistent love and support.

If you search online you can find many resources and organizations, both nationally and locally, that exist to help single parents succeed in raising healthy, well adjusted kids.  And that’s very important, but the critical daily needs of a child, and the managing of daily responsibilities must be shouldered by the single parent.  As we all know, that can be overwhelming at times.

So how do single parents succeed?

Love

Tell your children that you love them.  You’d be surprised how many parents forget to tell their kids that they love them.  Show your kids that you love them.  Show the kids that you love them enough to be a responsible parent.  They will thank you later.

Consistency

Children do best when they have consistent routines and guidelines; and your house runs smoother.  Make sure your child has a consistent schedule and bedtime.  Establish rules and boundaries that are consistently enforced with appropriate consequences for violations.  Don’t forget to praise good behavior.

Communication

Have family meetings once a week to share the up-coming schedule and get feedback from your kids.  You may not think that you need a weekly meeting because you and your child always talk; or your child’s too young, but think again.  As your kids get older, family meeting time may be the only time they can re-connect with the rest of the family.  The longer you wait to start this ritual, the harder it is to maintain in a single parent household.

Attention

Listen to what your kids are saying; especially when they’re not talking.  Know who their friends are; and their friend’s parents.  Know what they’re watching, listening to, and where they’re going online.  Know where your children are at all times.  Again, the older your kids get, the more important this becomes.

We all know that it’s not easy being a single parent, but we can make it easier on our kids and on ourselves if we follow some important rules.