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Why It’s Better to Be a Single Parent

Why It’s Better to Be a Single Parent

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This article comes to us from Dishon & Block

Being a single parent is not an ideal situation. No matter how you spin it, almost everyone agrees that having two parents is better than one. However, being a single parent post-divorce or separation gets a worse rep than it deserves, and there are advantages to raising children alone.

Rather than trying to work with your ex to make parenting compromises, you’ll get to make your own decisions. Kerri Zane, single mother advisor, offers five reasons that being a single parent actually can be better:

1- No negotiations necessary. Parents trying to co-parent will continue to fight and deal with disagreeing views on how to raise their children. All the fighting and disagreeing can make both environments unhealthy for your child. As a single parent you can be the security blanket and the healthy, loving parent that your child needs.

You can read the entire article here.

Single Parent Picking Battles and Roles

Single Parent Picking Battles and Roles

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I found this post at a blog called Spilled Milk.

Being a Single Parent Means Picking Your Battles…And Your Roles

One of the hardest parts of becoming a single mother, for me, is the desire to be everything for my child. I desperately want him to have the childhood I had… the baking cookies, the team sports, the music lessons. I don’t want him to have moments when he thinks “Man, I could do that if I only had my dad in town.” I want him to grow up happy and well-adjusted and to me, that seems to mean working over time to ensure that he misses out on positively ZERO experiences…

You can read the entire post at Spilled Milk.

Single Parent Vacations with the Kids

Single Parent Vacations with the Kids

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National Single Parents Day is March 21. There’s not doubt that single parents have earned their day, so why not enjoy a break or mini getaway with the family. Window Seat or Aisle Seat blogger, family travel expert and single mom Kerri Zane shares destination hot spots for single parents.

Since 1984, we’ve been celebrating National Single Parents Day on March 21. Unlike Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, it is time set aside to honor those parents who individually strive to create a supportive, loving and secure environment for their children. It can also be a time to celebrate with a one-of-a-kind getaway. As a single mom adviser and author of It Takes All 5: A Single Mom’s Guide to Finding the REAL One, I’ve found special destinations that specifically cater to single parent families.

Dominican Delight

Kids jump in poolThe Grand Palladium Resort & Spa, part of the Palladium Hotel Group, in the Dominican Republic has created a super easy way to make family travel a no-brainer.

“As a mother of two, I have always been mindful of how Palladium can better accommodate to the traveling family. I want to ensure that our resorts provide those necessities to ensure that families have a relaxing and enjoyable Palladium experience.,” said Linda Scaperotto of Palladium Hotel Group.

When you make your reservation simply ask for one of their all new “family friendly rooms” (available only at Bavaro, subject to a per person supplement). After, you can send in your children’s needs and upon arrival the room will be outfitted with age-appropriate welcome packs. Everything from formula type to diaper size and video games can be included in the packs. When my daughters were little, I remember packing an entire suitcase with diapers, this would have been a great service to have available then.

The resort offers a tiered kids club to accommodate children of all ages. For children ages 1-3 there is a Baby Club. Housed in the new Kid’s Club, the Mini Club which caters to children ages 4-12, offers age-specific games, a larger swimming pool, zip line and a series of cooking classes that teach kids about local ingredients of the region. Teens join the Black & White Junior’s Club, where they’ll be treated to a wide variety of sports and entertainment programs. Meanwhile, single parents are able to relax in any of the resort’s four pools or at the first-class Spa & Wellness Center, play at the resort’s casino or venture to any one of the 14 bars spread throughout the resort.

In honor of National Single Parents Day the Grand Palladium Resort and Spa has joined with me in offering a FREE 4-night getaway! For more information and to enter the contest visit kerrizane.com.

Down on the Farm

Horseback riding kids At Buck Valley Ranch, you and your children can get in touch with your inner cowboy or cowgirl. Nestled in the Appalachian Mountains of Pennsylvania’s Fulton County, horseback riding is the main attraction.  You’ll stay in a four bedroom guest house filled with cowboy memorabilia and antiques. Healthy and hearty meals are served daily with attention to dietary needs. You can either relax in the hot tub or cool off in the swimming pool. Nearby you can enjoy biking on the C&O canal, canoeing and kayaking in the Potomac River, and golfing. Walk out the front door and you’ll have access to 2,000 acres of hiking. A 3-day, all-inclusive package (meals, riding, lodging) costs $300.

 

5 Things Every Single Parent Must Have

5 Things Every Single Parent Must Have

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Single parents are pulled in many directions.  There’s so much demand on your time and attention, and sooner or later you’ll get overwhelmed.  Don’t make it harder on yourself than it has to be.  Implement these 5 important “must haves”, and start living life instead of life living you.

1. A Schedule

There are some activities that just have to get done daily, monthly, and yearly.  If you know ahead of time what and when things need to get done it places you that much further ahead.  No longer will you spend all your time putting out fires and addressing issues as they come up.

Of course you want some flexibility in your schedule for the unexpected, but if you’re living too spontaneously, important tasks will get overlooked.  You don’t want to be driving to work and get pulled over because you forgot to renew your license plates.  You don’t want your child to miss a field trip at school because you didn’t fill out the permission slip.

Having a family calendar easily accessible to everyone is a great tool.  If you have an uncertain work schedule that changes from week to week help your children, sitters, and others plan their activities by posting it on the calendar.  Keep track of seasonal chores, when bills are due, and school activities.  People will start seeing you as the “Supermom/dad” you really are.

2. A Menu/Meal Plan

Stopping at fast food joints is expensive and unhealthy.  Schedule one day each month, or every other week, to plan and cook for the entire month.  Chop vegetables, make homemade sauces, and prepare meals to freeze.  If you have items ready to throw together it not only makes food preparation easier and faster, but it also saves on you money.

If you aren’t sure about making a meal plan, start writing down everything you eat for a month, or ask your children for menu ideas.  You probably already know their favorite meals, but having their input makes it simpler for them to accept homemade meals.

Knowing what your menu/meal plan helps you schedule your shopping trips.  The last thing you want to do after a long day at work is spend time at the grocery store.  Not only will you have to unpack, put away, and then cook what you bring home, but you’ll save money and the physical stress to your body if you go shopping on a none working day.  You want to be rested and mentally prepared to navigate the grocery store isles.



3.  Sounding Board or Confidante

If you have a good relationship with your ex-spouse, or the other parent, then you might be temped to go to them for support and help in trying times.  This is not a good idea in the long run.  It is important for you to co-parent with your ex, but you’d do well to leave it at that.  You will need a trusted friend or family member to rely on.  Decisions, tasks, and situations will arise where you’ll need someone to talk things over.  Having a shoulder to lean on with an objective view is invaluable.

4.  Schedule Play Time

Providing for the physical needs of the children dominates a single parents life.  If you are taking care of their basic needs of a roof over their head, food on the table, and clothing then the worry and guilt should be minimized.  But when they complain about not having wants and desires we become consumed with wanting to please them.  What children really need is emotional and spiritual support through interaction with us.

Spending lighthearted, fun, playful moments with them will increase their self-esteem.  Getting down on the floor, jumping on a trampoline, winding your way through a jungle gym, and swinging to great heights with your children shows them how important they are to you.  Taking time from a busy schedule to meet them at their level will go a long way in strengthening that child/parent bond.

5.  Personal time and space

Everyone needs alone time to function properly.  Having your own room, or quiet space, to purge the angst and worries from your mind is an absolute necessity.  Single parents protect children from the cares of the world by hiding fear and worry, but when emotions build up you need a place where tender eyes and hearts will not be party to the release.  While sharing some issues with children may make them more resilient they can become overloaded if too much worry and fear are heaped upon them.

You should also schedule once or twice a month time away from the children.  Spend an evening with friends, go out on a date, or better by far get some daily exercise.  Take opportunities for alone time to build your own self-esteem.  Most of all remember mistakes will be made, but they do not define you as a parent.  You are doing the best you can, and that’s all anyone, even you, can expect.

Getting a Home Loan as a Single Parent

Getting a Home Loan as a Single Parent

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In these times of economic uncertainties, financial support can be hard to find. Loans and grants always have conditions attached and a person’s financial status affects how easy it is to get approval.

When someone seeking finance for a home loan is a single parent this can complicate the process of finding support even more.

Three things are important in these circumstances: knowing where you can get advice and help, finding out what is needed to qualify for a loan, and choosing the best option to suit the circumstances.

Help and support

A home loan or mortgage might be required for a number of different reasons, such as setting up a new home for the children or funding for a single parent to purchase a property. There may be a need to refinance so that an existing mortgage can be paid off, or sometimes it makes sense to borrow against the equity in a property in order to undertake home improvements to add value to the property and to increase amenities.

In some cases government schemes, such as assistance from the Federal Housing Authority (FHA), are available to help single parents. Occasionally state Housing Authorities can help too, so it is worth checking these out at the earliest opportunity.

Banks and other lenders often have specialist advisors, or home loan consultants, who can help single parents to make decisions about their financial options. When parents know what they need, a quick phone call or fast-track mortgage application can often be the key to getting a dialogue started with a potential lender.



Qualifying for a loan

Several factors determine eligibility for finance, such as the level of investment the borrower will have in the property and the size of the down payment. The latter can be a gift from a relative or family friend, and some single parents may be eligible for help with a down payment from the HOME Investment Partnerships Program.

The applicant’s credit score will also be a consideration, plus their work record and income level. Those who are part-time workers are not necessarily excluded – they may just have to shop around a little more.

Sometimes single parents are able to buy a property jointly with another person. It may be necessary for the co-borrower to actually live on the premises, so this may not suit everyone.

Single parents can apply for FHA assistance, the approval of which means that the government is acting as a guarantor. Although this does not mean that they will automatically get a loan, it definitely increases their chances. This program has resulted in an increased rate of home loans for single parents.

Making the right choice

FHA assistance can really make a difference, as can HOME Investment Partnerships finance and Housing Vouchers programs. Single parents should take full advantage of any of these if they qualify. When a bank or other lender offers a home loan to a single parent, check that the repayments are affordable.

There is no point in being overstretched financially or reducing the quality of life for the children if an alternative, cheaper arrangement is also available.

Make sure insurance will cover eventualities such as a job loss or reduction in income for another reason, and remember, always read the small print.

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Keep Your Kids Safe from Preditors

Keep Your Kids Safe from Preditors

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The Sad Truth

Horrific stories about children being molested are common in the new today.  With the trial of Jerry Sandusky, the alleged abuse of Bishop Eddie Long of Atlanta, and the painful memories of priests abusing young boys in the Catholic Church, single parents need to be more proactive when it comes to protecting our children. It’s unfortunate that as single parents our job is made that much harder because we once looked to ‘respected’ men in the community to mentor our children, particularly boys.

Not Stranger Danger

Most children get the ‘stranger danger’ talk early and often; at home and at school.  But when the potential danger is someone who is familiar and around our children everyday, things get confusing.  Teachers, coaches, pastors, and even family members are people our children should be able to trust, but that’s not always the case.

Single moms should not give anyone too much access to their children even if they are in positions of authority. In The Myth of the Broken Home-Guidebook for Single Parents “Strangers” are obvious, but “Strange Nots” are very familiar to children. They include people who are around our children everyday including family members, teachers, preachers, friends. These are people our children should be able to trust, but as we know, it’s not always the case. Children should be taught to apply some of the same protective techniques with familiar adults as with strangers.



What Can You Do?

Child molesters have very specific predatory skills much like many offenders. Here are some tips to help you lessen the chances of your child from being a victim.

  1. Monitor your child’s interaction with strangers and use every interaction as a teaching moment. Your child needs to know what to do in situations with strangers first. Once they know how to react to ‘Stranger Danger’ you will be able to start teaching them about ‘Not-So Stranger Danger’.
  2. If you are actively dating; never invite the men you meet into your home. This is not just for your children’s safety, but your own as well. Be very causious about jumping into a relationship too fast. If you develop a friendship with a male, spend time with him outside your home. Meet at a restaurant or a local coffee shop.
  3. Know the whereabouts of your children at all times. Know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with. This is very important. Your children should also know that they need to contact you if there is any change in plans; before the change happens.
  4. Openly communicate with your child about their body and what is private. Let them know that their body is their own; and if someone is making them uncomfortable by touching them they should say so. Even if it’s just a hug. Children need to know that they have the right to say no to someone touching them. They also need to be comfortable enough to tell you, their parent, if it happens.

 

Single parents, are often exhausted and sometimes burdened, but we still must do our best to protect our children as best we can.