It is very hard being a single parent to a teenage boy. Not only do you have to be kind, caring and nurturing, but also tough, hard and be able to stay in control.
Instructions
- First and foremost, the most important thing that you can do as your little boy grows up, is to grow with him. Flexibility is the key tool! As your cute little angel turns into a testosterone filled adolescent – you too, will have a great deal of changing to do.
In the early days, you are the boss; however, little by little, you need to give more and more responsibility. Your ultimate goal here is to become his friend; his confidante.
- Boundaries are a big issue. All teenage boys will push these to the very limit. However, many young men that I have spoken to, have all agreed, that when looking back on their teenage years, boundaries set by their parent/s indicated that they were loved and cared for.
- Always be attentive and sensitive to your son’s feelings. Boys find opening up extremely difficult. You will probably have to find new ways of talking to your son now. Be patient and do not nag. In addition, always tell your son that you are proud of him and that you love him, no matter how old. Furthermore, support your son in his choices and praise him when he begins to make these; remember, this is a big step in growing up.
- As a single parent, it is very important to encourage your teenage son to have good relationships with other people. A grandparent, Uncle, Aunt or a neighbour. This gives your son somebody else to talk to and also provides other role models.
- So often we feel that we have actually no impact whatsoever on our teen. However, we must remember that all the good values and morals that you have shown as he has been growing up, will not have gone to waste. Many parents find that some, if not all of these attitudes are emulated by their sons. There is no greater satisfaction than this.
- Never allow things to get so far as a shouting match, or worse, violence. Remember, he will be probably taller and much bigger than you. If he strikes out too in a temper, he will regret this for years to come. if you feel the situation getting out of hand…..walk away! Explain that you will discuss the matter at another time, when you are both much calmer. I found that when I tried to talk to my son, I would end up sitting him down, turning the TV off and looking him in the eyes. Every time I did this, no matter what the subject, he would blow up like a fuse and an argument would commence. Since, I have found that he found this tactic too confrontational. Therefore, when I need to discuss matters with him now, I usually begin the conversation when we are in the car or washing up, etc. I seem to receive a better outcome.
- It is paramount that you do not talk to your teen. However, it is important that you share conversations and actually listen to what he is telling you. Moreover, understanding that your son does have his own viewpoint and learning to accept and respect this, will add mutual respect to your relationship. Managing a teenage boy is “mission impossible”, although, living with one can be fun!
- Finally, as previously stated, but I cannot reiterate this enough – set firm and clear boundaries…..yes teenage boys do need structure.
If a strategy does not work – change it!
Lighten up – take time out together. Ensure that you do something together, either every week or every month, such as going to the cinema, eating out, bowling or even a walk together. I find all sorts out from my son on these occasions. When I have asked, “why did you not tell me that before”, he would retort, “I dunno”.
Remember, life can be hard, what with work and commitments, we sometimes forget what it is like to have fun. So go ahead, grab your son and go have some fun!