single parent support Archives - Page 2 of 3

Keep Your Kids Safe from Preditors

06/28/2012 Donna Comments 0 Comment

The Sad Truth

Horrific stories about children being molested are common in the new today. With the trial of Jerry Sandusky, the alleged abuse of Bishop Eddie Long of Atlanta, and the painful memories of priests abusing young boys in the Catholic Church, single parents need to be more proactive when it comes to protecting our children. It’s unfortunate that as single parents our job is made that much harder because we once looked to ‘respected’ men in the community to mentor our children, particularly boys.

Not Stranger Danger

Most children get the ‘stranger danger’ talk early and often; at home and at school. But when the potential danger is someone who is familiar and around our children everyday, things get confusing. Teachers, coaches, pastors, and even family members are people our children should be able to trust, but that’s not always the case.

Single moms should not give anyone too much access to their children even if they are in positions of authority. In The Myth of the Broken Home-Guidebook for Single Parents “Strangers” are obvious, but “Strange Nots” are very familiar to children. They include people who are around our children everyday including family members, teachers, preachers, friends. These are people our children should be able to trust, but as we know, it’s not always the case. Children should be taught to apply some of the same protective techniques with familiar adults as with strangers.

What Can You Do?

Child molesters have very specific predatory skills much like many offenders. Here are some tips to help you lessen the chances of your child from being a victim.

Monitor your child’s interaction with strangers and use every interaction as a teaching moment. Your child needs to know what to do in situations with strangers first. Once they know how to react to ‘Stranger Danger’ you will be able to start teaching them about ‘Not-So Stranger Danger’.
If you are actively dating; never invite the men you meet into your home. This is not just for your children’s safety, but your own as well. Be very causious about jumping into a relationship too fast. If you develop a friendship with a male, spend time with him outside your home. Meet at a restaurant or a local coffee shop.
Know the whereabouts of your children at all times. Know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with. This is very important. Your children should also know that they need to contact you if there is any change in plans; before the change happens.
Openly communicate with your child about their body and what is private. Let them know that their body is their own; and if someone is making them uncomfortable by touching them they should say so. Even if it’s just a hug. Children need to know that they have the right to say no to someone touching them. They also need to be comfortable enough to tell you, their parent, if it happens.

Single parents, are often exhausted and sometimes burdened, but we still must do our best to protect our children as best we can.

Single Parents Have Questions

08/10/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

As I search the internet for things to help single parents with their desire to be the best parents they can be, I come across many questions posted by single parents.

As I come across questions that single parents are asking, I will post them in a new category called Single Parent Questions. My hope is that you will be able to find answers to some of your single parent questions. If not, leave a question in the comments and we’ll try to find some answers for you.

Just as a Note: The answers to many of the questions do not necessarily reflect my own oppinion on the suject matter.

How to be a Single Parent Success

08/09/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

The reality of single parenting

We hear a lot about single parent households in the news, and how challenging a single parent home can be for children growing up. As much as single parents don’t want to hear that (especially those who didn’t choose to be a single parent), the challenges should not be ignored. However, there is research that shows that children of single parents can avoid many challenges, and thrive when they’re provided consistent love and support.

If you search online you can find many resources and organizations, both nationally and locally, that exist to help single parents succeed in raising healthy, well adjusted kids. And that’s very important, but the critical daily needs of a child, and the managing of daily responsibilities must be shouldered by the single parent. As we all know, that can be overwhelming at times.

So how do single parents succeed?

Love

Tell your children that you love them. You’d be surprised how many parents forget to tell their kids that they love them. Show your kids that you love them. Show the kids that you love them enough to be a responsible parent. They will thank you later.

Consistency

Children do best when they have consistent routines and guidelines; and your house runs smoother. Make sure your child has a consistent schedule and bedtime. Establish rules and boundaries that are consistently enforced with appropriate consequences for violations. Don’t forget to praise good behavior.

Communication

Have family meetings once a week to share the up-coming schedule and get feedback from your kids. You may not think that you need a weekly meeting because you and your child always talk; or your child’s too young, but think again. As your kids get older, family meeting time may be the only time they can re-connect with the rest of the family. The longer you wait to start this ritual, the harder it is to maintain in a single parent household.

Attention

Listen to what your kids are saying; especially when they’re not talking. Know who their friends are; and their friend’s parents. Know what they’re watching, listening to, and where they’re going online. Know where your children are at all times. Again, the older your kids get, the more important this becomes.

We all know that it’s not easy being a single parent, but we can make it easier on our kids and on ourselves if we follow some important rules.

Are You a Single Parent Idiot?

05/10/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

5 Things Some Single Parents Do that make us All Look Bad

Let’s face it, being a single parent is not the easiest job in the world; and for some it’s overwhelming. What makes matters worse is that single parents are portrayed in the media as being uneducated, lazy and neglectful. Some studies even suggest that single parents are raising the next crop of prison inmates. Because of the negative public image that single parents and their children must overcome, it is frustrating when some single parents do things that make us all look bad. If you’re reading Single Parent advice websites like this one, you’re probably not ‘one of those’ single parents. If you know ‘one of those’ single parents, maybe you can tactfully send them this list.

1. You Send your Kids to School Dirty

Ask any teacher what their pet peeves are when it comes to parents, and right at the top is children who show up to school in dirty clothes and/or in need of a bath. I know that it isn’t just single parents that are guilty of this, but no matter how stretched you are as a single parent, make sure your children go to school clean. It helps your child get viewed in a positive way. It helps your child’s self-esteem. And it reflects well on you, as a single parent which, in turn helps all single parents.

2. You Haven’t Given Your Children Structure

If this doesn’t happen early, good luck trying to reign in your middle or high-schooler. Children thrive on structure. You don’t have to be a drill sergeant but if you have to be the mom and the dad, you’re going to have to face the fact that you need to be loving but firm. Let your children know who the parent is; what the rules are, and why they are important. And let them know what the consequences are if those rules are broken. If you’re consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly your children willingly stay within the boundaries you’ve set. And by the time your children reach middle school, they will already have these good habits instilled in them.

3. You Turn your Child Against the Other Parent

I can hear some single parents saying, ‘I didn’t turn my child against their other parent; the other parent did it by________________’ (fill in the blank). Whether your child’s other parent is involved and paying child support, or not involved at all; your child is still genetically half of that person. No matter how horrible the other parent is to you, or even your child, you can still refrain from speaking badly. You can teach your child that it’s okay to love the other parent but hate their behavior. Why would you want to do this? Because your child’s emotional health and self esteem depend on it. Growing up knowing that you come from two ‘good’ parents; even if one of those parents is making really bad choices right now, helps kids emotionally. A child who is brought up thinking that one half of the gene pool that created him/her is ‘bad’, can’t help but be convinced that part of that ‘bad’ is inside of them. And that causes problems later on.

4. You Burden Your Child with Your Problems

One of the best things that you can do for your child is to let them know that they don’t have to worry. Sure there will be problems. Maybe the car breaks down and you don’t know how you’re going to manage. Or maybe you don’t know how you’re going to come up with the rent money this month. Instead of burdening your child by telling them you don’t have a clue what you’ll do, they need to hear that, no matter what, you are the parent and you will take care of them. Children need a sense that someone is steering the boat and is taking responsibility. Children are children, and burdening them with adult issues forces them to worry about things that they’re not mature enough to handle. If you love your children, you’ll unload on an adult friend; that’s what they’re for.

5. Your Issues have you Dragging your Children through Multiple Bad Relationships

If you’ve had a messed up childhood and never got counseling for it, chances are you’re still messed up and you’re passing this ‘messed-upness’ onto your children. You love your kids. You don’t want to set them up for a lifetime of low self-esteem and broken relationships with all the wrong people. So before you begin that next screwed-up relationship, go get help. If not for you; for your kids.

There’s a lot of bad press out there about single parents and the effects of single parenting on children. And while many of us didn’t choose single parenting, it was thrust upon us, we can still be smart single parents and prove the ‘experts’ wrong.

Apophenia: 5 Secrets to Success

05/04/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

If you are the Type A – Uber-Achiever who just happens to be a single parent, this post is for you.

1. “Demo or die.” This was the mantra at the Media Lab and i absolutely detested the process of having to demo Lab work to every visitor who entered the building. It was exhausting and repetitive. Looking back, i can’t tell you how much this changed my world. Through the Lab, i learned to be able to present anything on the fly to any audience. I learned how to squeeze a 30 minute talk into 5 minutes and build on a 5 minute talk to fill an hour with useful information. I learned how to read what people knew and adjust what i was showing them to their interests and level of knowledge. Speaking and expressing ideas to a wide variety of audiences is so important. And it takes practice. A lot of practice. You can’t just hide in a library cubicle for years and then expect to give a stellar job talk. The reason that i speak so often is that i think that i need the practice. I want to learn to get my point across. Sometimes, i fail, but i keep trying.

(This also applies to writing. Be able to write to any audience. Learn to write an op-ed, a persuasive blog post, an academic article, anything and everything! I detest writing; that’s why i started blogging my ideas. Practice practice practice.)

2. “Learn the rules. And then learn how to break them.” I was a punk kid who refused to follow by anyone’s rules. I got kicked out of everywhere. I thought that this was radical. When i was in high school, my mother explained that one of her best skills was telling people to fuck off and go to hell in a ladylike way so that they didn’t even know how to respond. Over the years, i realized that there is immense power in understanding the rules and norms and tweaking them to meet your goals. Rejecting society is fun as a kid; figuring out how to circumnavigate barriers to entry is more fun as an adult. Do it with grace, kindness, and sincerity. (I fear that explicitly stating examples of this here might get me into trouble.)

3. “Diversify your life.” The term diversity is so loaded it’s painful, but i can’t think of a better word to explain what i want to explain. Get to know people from every walk of life. Read books from every discipline. Read different blogs. Attend conferences that address the same issue from a ton of different perspectives. And when you attend those conferences, spend 50% of the time with people you know well and 50% of the time with people that you barely know. One of the best decisions i made at SXSW this year was to not flit around but to hang out with one small group per night and really bond. I hate the concept of “social networking” because it seems so skeevy. The idea isn’t to build a big rolodex, but to build meaningful relationships that exist on multiple levels – professional, personal, etc. The more people and ideas you encounter, the more creative you’ll be able to be and the more that you’ll be able to contribute to a conversation on top of the things that you know deeply through your own work.

To read the entire post click here.

Tips for Single Parents to get Cheaper Car Insurance Rates for Teens

04/29/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Tips from the Teen Car Insurance Guide

It’s scary enough when your teenager begins to drive – and as a single parent, it can be a bit tricky to determine where the responsibility lies when it comes to insuring them. Whether your child is living with your former spouse or is away at school, you should talk to your insurance company to determine whose policy your teen should go on.

Here are a few questions to be prepared for when talking with your agent:

Who has custody? – If you’re a single parent, some insurance companies mandate that whoever has custody while the teen is attending school is responsible for the policy. Others suggest that the parent who has the teen a majority of the time should cover them under their policy. Depending on which company your insurance is through, your teen may also need to be named on both parents’ policies.

Do you and your ex-spouse have the same insurance company? – If you’re a single parent and you and your ex both have auto insurance through the same company, your child may be automatically covered under both policies. This is because some insurance policies define “the insured” as someone related to you by blood, marriage, or adoption who is a resident of your household.

Who has the best driving history? – As a single parent this can also be a deciding factor in whose policy your child should be covered under. If you or your former spouse have a poor driving record, this could increase the cost of your premium significantly. In this case, it may be best to have the other parent add your teen driver to their policy.

When does your teen’s coverage need to begin? – Make sure you notify the insurance company at least a few weeks before your teen gets his or her license. Even if you’re still deciding which policy they should be covered under, it’s important to have them covered in the interim – not doing so could cost you quite a bit of money if they’re involved in an accident. Not listing them also gives your insurance company the right to cancel your policy for misrepresentation. Make sure their coverage starts a few days before they’re ready to drive.

After you’ve determined whose policy your teen driver should be covered on, plan a time to talk with your former spouse about coverage options, safety issues, and related costs. Although this may be an uncomfortable conversation, there are many important things you should discuss:

Decide between individual vs. existing policy – Most times, adding a child to your existing policy is best, rather than getting them their own. However, if you or your former spouse has a history of accidents or an overall poor driving record, it might be best to get them an individual policy.

Check back every six months – When your policy comes up for renewal (usually every six months), take a look at other companies to see if you can get a better rate. At this point, your current company may also give you a loyalty discount if you stay with them.

Switch the insured person – Some companies let you assign drivers to a specific car. To save money, list your teen as the driver of one of your older cars.

Increase your deductibles – Single parents might think this tip is a bit scary, but it does save you money. When you add a teenage driver to your policy, consider increasing your deductible. This can significantly lower your premium, so you can use your insurance in the unfortunate event of an accident, rather than on small things that you can pay out of pocket.

Take your college student off the policy – If your teen driver is away at school without a car, consider taking them off your policy. As a single parent you don’t want to be paying for something that is not needed. Make sure, though, that they won’t drive during a break from school – if they are uncovered and in an accident, you could risk losing a lot of money.

Don’t buy a new car – For most single parents (for most parents in general) this is not an option for you anyway, but if it is you need to know this: Brand-new cars are much more expensive to insure than older models. If you intend to buy a car for your teen to drive, resist the urge to get something brand-new. Instead, purchase a reliable older car and save a significant amount of money when it comes to insurance.

Don’t report fender benders – Although insurance companies aren’t a fan of this idea, consider paying for fender benders out of pocket, without reporting it. Even a single accident can raise your premiums, so it may be more cost-effective to you to not report it and instead, pay out-of-pocket.

Choose a safe car – As a single parent, when choosing a car for your teen to drive, consider something safe – this will not only do the obvious, but will also save you money on car insurance. Sporty cars always cost more to insure, as do larger trucks and SUVs; and single parents don’t need the added expense.

Safety features are good – Along with choosing a conservative car, look at the safety features as well. Cars with airbags, anti-lock brakes, and automatic seat belts can help make a difference in your insurance premium.

Car registration – Keep the car registered under the single parent’s name that the insurance is under, instead of the teen. This is a commonly missed factor that can affect insurance rates.

Drop collision or comprehensive coverage on old cars – If your teen plans to drive an older car, consider dropping the collision and comprehensive insurance. The reason is this: Paying a month premium to maintain these may be much more expensive than paying out-of-pocket in the rare event of an accident.

source

Single Parent Wealth

A Wealth of Information for the Single Parent

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