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The Divorce is Over – Now What? New Single Parent Reality

04/27/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

For some, going through a divorce can feel like all your hopes and dreams were just crushed under a huge pile of bricks; while for others it can feel like a pile of bricks was lifted from your back. Either way, moving on as a single parent is a new and sometimes challenging experience. Let’s look at some of the things that might crop up as you start your single parent life.

Feeling Lonely

One of the more challenging aspects of being a single parent is the feeling of being alone. Sometimes being alone can be a positive thing but if you are missing that special connection with another adult then you are not alone. Rather than putting yourself out there in the “market” right away take some time for you. Companionship can be found in many healthy activities such as craft groups, support groups, a bowling team, or anywhere you can make new friends and not feel so alone.

Healing Time

Give yourself some time to heal before dating again. For some, healing can involve learning to love yourselves again, and for others it could be learning to be on your own as a single parent. As much as you may feel like you can never do this alone don’t jump into another relationship until you have proven to yourself that you can. For some this can prove to be a struggle but it is possible. The only true way to have a healthy relationship with anyone is to be a whole (healed) person before you begin a relationship.

Find Support

Build a support group of friends and family. Choose only those who help you to feel good about yourself. Disconnect from those who put you down or doubt your abilities. You don’t need those people. And yes, you can tell them. Simply say that if they don’t have something positive to contribute then you can’t be around them right now. They will either change their ways or move on. If you find yourself without positive support or just would like more then you can always turn to local church groups in your community. Many larger churches have single parent support groups.

Children Need Healing and Support as Well

Your children need time to adjust to their new normal. Healing and support is crucial for them as well. No matter how adjusted you thing you are, think about where your kids are in their adjustment journey before you think about starting a new relationship. And when they are ready, and you’re thinking about dating, ask yourself: Will this person be a good influence? How soon should I introduce a new person into my child’s life? How will my child react? These are all valid questions and there is no one correct answer. The best thing to do is to consider these questions and more before you even consider dating.

You Will Adapt and Thrive as a Single Parent if you Allow Yourself

Adjusting to being a single parent is sometimes quite hard. Don’t give up on yourself though. You will adjust, heal, and become a better person/parent for your children.

Single Parents: Do You Have the Life Insurance You Need?

03/21/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

The Importance of Planning Ahead

As a single parent, you’re probably used to getting things done by yourself and provide for your family as best as you can. But what if something were to happen to you? Who will provide for your kids? In addition to having a Will, you should really have life insurance to be sure that your children will be financially provided for in your absence.

Life insurance is especially important for single parents, particularly if there is no back-up breadwinner for your children to rely on. The good news is you can usually get affordable life insurance through your employer if you have a full-time job. If you don’t have that option you will need to do some research and find an insurance provider that works for you. Take the time to scout out life insurance quotes on term life insurance, whole life insurance or a mix of both, if you haven’t already.

How Much Life Insurance should a Single Parent Have?

The amount of insurance you should buy is generally equal six to eight times your annual salary. There are a few factors that would determine how much you would have to pay for life insurance. Some factors are your age, and whether you have any pre-existing conditions. You also want to decide whether you want term life insurance or whole life insurance. And you definitely want to shop around for the best prices. Find a policy that works within your budget. You should be able to find a policy whose monthly payments are manageable.

Are there Other Sources of Income I Could Pass to my Children?

As you consider purchasing single parent single parent life insurance to protect your children’s future, look into other potential sources of income that can be passed on to your children. This could include retirement plans, other savings and Social Security. Doing these things could provide you with peace of mind should something unfortunate happen.

If you pass away before your kids are 19, they may be eligible to receive your Social Security benefit. Disabled children and elderly parents who depend on you for at least half their income may also receive “survivor benefits.” Questions on how much you can expect to receive on your Social Security benefit can be answered by visiting the Social Security Administration’s website.

Make a Plan for Your Children’s Future

Financial planning can be a difficult exercise for most people to wrap their minds around, but for the single parent it’s important to consider. It might be a good idea to visit with a financial planner if you aren’t confident about what type of savings plan you should have in place for your children. But as you have been able to provide for your children on your own in the past, protecting their future is just one more thing you can do as a strong single parent.

Have a Good Single Parent Plan

03/20/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Becoming a Single Mom or Dad

You may not have started with the plan of being a single mom, but the statistics don’t lie. Becoming a single parent is inevitable for many parents.

Ideally, raising a child involves a full time mother and father, since each bring different strengths and therefore a broader way of attending to the different needs of the child. But when it is no longer possible to keep the nuclear family intact, then it’s better to become a single parent than to sacrifice your emotional and/or physical health; and that of your child’s as well.

If you’re thinking about separating from your child’s other parent, now is the time to start planning for life as a single parent. Making such monumental decisions without a plan can be a disaster. Planning for your future as a single parent helps to ensure that your child will grow up to be an independent and responsible human being despite having only one full time parent.

Where to start

Make a commitment to be an effective single parent. Realize up front that there will be pressures with work and financial responsibilities that will seem overwhelming at the time. However, outside pressure is not an excuse to water down your commitment to raising your child in the healthiest, most loving way possible.

Make your Emotional Needs a High Priority

Experts agree, the best single parents are the ones who make their own emotional needs a high priority. This means maintaining a life that doesn’t completely revolve around your child and being a single mom or dad. Children thrive in an environment where they feel safe, loved, and cared for. If you haven’t taken responsibility and dealt with your own issues, you’ll be stuck in victim mode. To develop a healthy way of relating to the world, your Children need the strength and guidance that only a healthy parent can give them. Since there is a need for you to be strong and healthy for your child, dealing with your own issues first is a must. You don’t necessarily need to go to counseling, but it could definitely help. Be sure that you have a group of friends or family to provide emotional support so that you don’t lean on your child for support. Also know that many parents have been right where you are, and they’ve adjusted to their new life just fine. And in time you will too.

Find your Inner Motivation

It is a must for single parents to find a way to motivate themselves to keep moving forward. Some days will be tougher than others. Finding your reason for getting up when you don’t want to; or plowing through a difficult situation will make all the difference. Many adults become responsible single parents because they have motivated themselves to look for positive things that the situations brought them. Successful, effective single parenting typically follows once the single mom or dad is able to find his or her source of motivation in achieving goals that they’ve set not only for themselves but for the children as well.

Assess your Strengths and Weaknesses

For you to become an effective single parent, you really want to undergo lots of reflection and self-assessment to know what are your strengths and your weaknesses. If you know your strengths as a parent, your child will see that in you and they will believe that you can take care of them even if you are the only parent. It’s also important to address your weaknesses so you know areas in parenting that you should improve on. By know your own weaknesses as a parent, you can turn these into opportunities that will make single parenting more successful for you and for your child.

Choose to be a Single Parent Success

You may not have chosen this journey for yourself and your child, but here you are. And you can choose to be a great success at being a single parent. Just set your mind to it and let nothing stop you from being the best single mom or dad. Many single parents have gone down this path before you and succeeded in raising wonderfully adjusted kids. Set you mind in the right place and let nothing stop you, and you too will be a very successful single parent.

Single Parent Tips for a Smooth Running House

03/14/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

As a single parent, it’s often difficult keeping everything in your household running smoothly. Taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, while trying to have a tiny bit of a life of your own can be hard. And it’s not easy finding help as a single parent without spending large amounts of money. One of the greatest challenges of being a single parent is: how do you fit it all in? For the single parent time management is an essential tool. It takes planning, dedication and commitment to take control of your time and resources so that you can get everything done when it has to be done. If takes some effort but it is well worth it, and it teaches your kids important life skills.

Being a single parent doesn’t mean you are at a disadvantage. It’s only a disadvantage if you think of it as one. In fact, some single parent households are more effective at child rearing and running a smooth house than some two-parent households. Think of how many families you know where the mom and dad cancel each other out because of their opposite parenting styles. Their kids end up running the show, and running amok. However, when it comes to things such as running errands, transporting the kids and such you need to understand your time constraints and make adjustments. Now that you’re a single parent you’re the one responsible for all of it; but you can do it!

Here are some tips for making your single parent household run smoother:

Discipline

Teach your children boundaries and discipline from the time they are old enough to understand. This does not mean being overly strict; it means a lovingly structured environment. Teaching your children rules, responsibility and respect when they are young will make a big difference the older they get. Many newly single parents become very lax about rules, responsibility and respect because they feel overwhelmed. Or they don’t want to be ‘the bad guy’. Being a single parent is no excuse for failing to instill discipline in your children. Children thrive in a structured environment and discipline will help them become well adjusted, productive adults.

Communicate

Talk to your children about rules and boundaries, and why they are important. Let your kids know that you love them and that you discipline out of love for them. Be positive. Communicating a feeling of being overwhelmed or fearful of the future is damaging to children. Use an adult friend to unload your concerns; and remember to keep communication with your children on age appropriate levels. Keep the lines of communication open with your children. This can be hard as your kids become teens, but keep letting them know that you’re there for them. And keep giving them opportunities to talk and confide in you.

Be Diligent

Once you develop your ‘smooth running house’ plan, stick with it. If the children are responsible for chores, or checking in with you when they get home from school make sure they are given a consequence if they break a rule. If you are diligent about maintaining the rules and boundaries of the house, the children will soon master the skill of discipline and you will be on your way to a smooth running single parent household. The REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT is that you will have well adjusted children who grow into adults that have some great life skills; that you instilled in them.

There are many successful single parent families out there; and your family can be one of them.

8 Tips on Reducing Single Parent Stress

02/06/2018 Hope Comments 0 Comment

Raising kids can be stressful. Raising kids alone can be STRESSFUL. Here are some tips to reduce your single parent stress.

1. Get Your Finances Under Control

Raising a family on a reduced income can be one of the the most stressful aspects of being a single parent. That’s why one of the first things that you should do is understand your expenses, and make a budget. Controlling your cash flow by sticking to a budget is one of the most important things that you can do to reduce stress and move forward with your single parent life.

2. Set Up a Support System

All single parents need help — whether it’s someone to watch the kids while you run out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed. While it’s tempting to try to handle everything alone, ask friends and family members for help. You could join a single-parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted sitter to help out with the kids or someone to assist with housework.

3. Set UP and Keep Daily and Weekly Routines

The more routines you have in place, the more smoothly your house will run. Schedule meals and chores on a weekly calendar. Have a set bedtime for the kids, along with a bedtime routine (bath, brush teeth, lay out clothes, quiet reading time before bed). Once in place, these routines will be comforting to your children because they will know what to expect each day. Consistent routines will help your kids feel more secure, and your household will run much more smoothly.

4. Maintain Healthy Boundaries with Your Children

When you become a single parent there tends to be a big void where your partner used to be. Many times it’s tempting to rely too heavily on children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But relying on your children to act as substitutes for an adult partner is unhealthy for both of you. Instead of relying on your children for emotional support seek out other adults for your emotional needs. If you don’t have family or friends to rely on, many churches have single parent support groups to help. Different churches offer different kinds of support, but you might be surprised at how supportive they can be. Or seek counseling if necessary.

5. Carve Out Quality Time with Your Children

As a single parent there is always going to be something you need to do around the house; but don’t let that stop you from connecting with your children in a meaningful way every day. Use your routines to connect – a quick bedtime story; or family breakfast catch up with your children will keep you connected daily. Then find larger chunks of time, perhaps on the weekends to do fun things together – bike rids, crafts or baking can provide the fun bonding time you need with your children. And it doesn’t have to cost anything. As long as you focus on love and connection, your time as a family will surely be quality time.

6. Take Time for Yourself

I know it sometimes seems impossible to carve out any time for yourself, but it is so important. With your budget, routines, and rituals in place it will be much easier to accomplish. Remember, if you’re not at your best, nothing in you single parent household is going to be running at its best. Even if it’s something as simple as a warm bath, or 15 minutes of reading before you go to bed. Setting aside personal time for you to refuel will do wonders for your whole family.

7. Stay positive

As a single parent it can be easy to become overwhelmed by all your responsibilities every day. On top of that, you may not have wanted the divorce. Or maybe you are grieving the death of a spouse. It is true; you do have to go through the grieving process. And you do have to deal with your feelings regarding a divorce; but you can still cultivate a positive environment in your home. The key is to move through and process the painful event that has happened in your family. Don’t get stuck in the pain. Don’t let negativity and sadness become what you and your family is now about. If you’re feeling sad, it’s okay to share some of your sentiments with your children, but always try to help them see that for every ending there is a new beginning.

8. Dream About and Plan for the Future

This really needs no explanation. The way to make a great future is to dream about and plan for a great future. Do this, and teach your children how to do this, and things will turn out just fine.

Single Parent Picking Battles and Roles

03/21/2013 Donna Comments 0 Comment

I found this post at a blog called Spilled Milk.

Being a Single Parent Means Picking Your Battles…And Your Roles

One of the hardest parts of becoming a single mother, for me, is the desire to be everything for my child. I desperately want him to have the childhood I had… the baking cookies, the team sports, the music lessons. I don’t want him to have moments when he thinks “Man, I could do that if I only had my dad in town.” I want him to grow up happy and well-adjusted and to me, that seems to mean working over time to ensure that he misses out on positively ZERO experiences…

You can read the entire post at Spilled Milk.