single parent struggles Archives - Single Parent Wealth

The Divorce is Over – Now What? New Single Parent Reality

04/27/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

For some, going through a divorce can feel like all your hopes and dreams were just crushed under a huge pile of bricks; while for others it can feel like a pile of bricks was lifted from your back. Either way, moving on as a single parent is a new and sometimes challenging experience. Let’s look at some of the things that might crop up as you start your single parent life.

Feeling Lonely

One of the more challenging aspects of being a single parent is the feeling of being alone. Sometimes being alone can be a positive thing but if you are missing that special connection with another adult then you are not alone. Rather than putting yourself out there in the “market” right away take some time for you. Companionship can be found in many healthy activities such as craft groups, support groups, a bowling team, or anywhere you can make new friends and not feel so alone.

Healing Time

Give yourself some time to heal before dating again. For some, healing can involve learning to love yourselves again, and for others it could be learning to be on your own as a single parent. As much as you may feel like you can never do this alone don’t jump into another relationship until you have proven to yourself that you can. For some this can prove to be a struggle but it is possible. The only true way to have a healthy relationship with anyone is to be a whole (healed) person before you begin a relationship.

Find Support

Build a support group of friends and family. Choose only those who help you to feel good about yourself. Disconnect from those who put you down or doubt your abilities. You don’t need those people. And yes, you can tell them. Simply say that if they don’t have something positive to contribute then you can’t be around them right now. They will either change their ways or move on. If you find yourself without positive support or just would like more then you can always turn to local church groups in your community. Many larger churches have single parent support groups.

Children Need Healing and Support as Well

Your children need time to adjust to their new normal. Healing and support is crucial for them as well. No matter how adjusted you thing you are, think about where your kids are in their adjustment journey before you think about starting a new relationship. And when they are ready, and you’re thinking about dating, ask yourself: Will this person be a good influence? How soon should I introduce a new person into my child’s life? How will my child react? These are all valid questions and there is no one correct answer. The best thing to do is to consider these questions and more before you even consider dating.

You Will Adapt and Thrive as a Single Parent if you Allow Yourself

Adjusting to being a single parent is sometimes quite hard. Don’t give up on yourself though. You will adjust, heal, and become a better person/parent for your children.

Scholarships for Children of Single Parents

03/03/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

You’re a proud single parent of a soon-to-be high school graduate. How will you finance your child’s college education? The good news is there is financial help out there in the form of scholarships. Depending on your circumstances you can search and find many scholarships to apply for that will help with the cost of sending your child to college.

To get you started in your search for scholarships for your college bound child, I’ve listed 10 scholarships for children of single parents.

1. American Legion Legacy Scholarship

Each year, the American Legion offers the Legacy Scholarship to provide a $37,000 stipend that can cover tuition, textbooks, and other living expenses for college students whose parent was killed while serving our country. Candidates must be the biological or legally adopted children of United States Armed Services members who died in active duty on or after 9/11. Eligible high school seniors and graduates should be enrolling for undergraduate studies at an accredited higher learning institution in America.
Contact:
American Legion Legacy Scholarship

2. Ava’s Grace Foundation Scholarships

Ranging in value from $3,000 to $5,000 apiece, the Ava’s Grace Scholarship Foundation (AGSF) distributes annual awards for up to four scholars across the state of Missouri who are being raised by a single parent while the other serves prison time. Qualified candidates must be U.S. citizens, exhibit financial need, achieve a minimum cumulative GPA of 2.5, be enrolling in an accredited non-profit college, be seeking their first degree, and have a parent incarcerated in a U.S. state or federal penitentiary.
Contact:
Ava’s Grace Foundation Scholarship

3. Ayo and Iken Children of Divorce Scholarship

Founded by a group of Florida divorce attorneys, the Ayo and Iken Children of Divorce Scholarship is presented annually for $1,000 to graduating high school seniors in Florida who live in a single parent family divided by divorce. Eligible applicants must plan to pursue post-secondary education after graduation, have parents permanently separated or divorced, and write a 2,000-word essay describing how their parents continue to show their love despite being part of a separated household.
Contact:
Ayo and Iken Children of Divorce Scholarship

4. Carolina Covenant Scholarship

For students from single parent households who are enrolling at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, the Carolina Covenant Scholarship is available to potentially cover 100 percent of tuition costs for a maximum of four years and provide a laptop computer. Qualified candidates must be considered dependents, maintain full-time enrollment status, be pursuing their first bachelor’s degree, make satisfactory academic progress, have U.S. citizenship, and come from a low-income family that does not exceed federal poverty guidelines.
Contact:
Carolina Covenant Scholarship

5. David J. Ewing Scholarship Fund

In honor of a beloved father of two who lost his battle with cancer in 1990 at the youthful age of 36, the David J. Ewing Scholarship Fund was created by the University of North Texas to award tuition assistance to currently enrolled full-time undergraduate students who have lost a parent during their working years. Along with the application, candidates must submit two letters of professional recommendation, official high school transcripts, financial aid reports, and a two-page essay on their educational goals.
Contact:
David J. Ewing Scholarship Fund

6. Families of Freedom Scholarship Program

Based on a financial need formula, the Families of Freedom Scholarship Program provides annual awards to dependent children of 9/11 victims, including World Trade Center workers, Pentagon employees, airplane crew or passengers, emergency medical personnel, firefighters, and law enforcement officers killed in the tragic terrorist attacks. Eligible applicants must be enrolling in an accredited post-secondary program at a vocational school, community college, or university in the United States before their 24th birthday.
Contact:
Families of Freedom Scholarship Program

7. Heroes Tribute Scholarship

Through the Marine Corps Scholarship Foundation (MCSF), the Heroes Tribute Scholarship is granted to provide $7,500 for up to four years to children of Marines and Navy Corpsmen who were killed in combat operations on or after September 11, 2001. Eligible applicants must be planning to attend an accredited undergraduate college in the upcoming fall, maintain a minimum cumulative GPA of 2.0, be pursuing their first bachelor’s degree, and have been raised by a single parent with an adjusted gross income under $94,000.
Contact:
Heroes Tribute Scholarship

8. Iraq and Afghanistan Service Grants

Administered through the U.S. Department of Education, the Iraq and Afghanistan Service Grants are given annually for over $5,300 to college students raised by a single parent or guardian after a parent was killed in military service performed in Iraq or Afghanistan after the events of 9/11. Qualified candidates must be under 24 years old, plan to enroll in an accredited American college at least part-time, meet the Federal Pell Grant eligibility requirements, and have grieved the death of a parent in the U.S. Armed Forces.
Contact:
Iraq and Afghanistan Service Grants

9. Jackie Spellman Foundation Scholarships

In loving memory of a 24-year-old who lost her battle with acute myeloid leukemia (AML) after 14 months of painful treatments, the Jackie Spellman Foundation offers scholarships for $1,000 to $5,000 to graduating high school seniors or college students who have lost a parent from leukemia or lymphoma. Eligible candidates must plan to enroll full-time in college, have critical financial need, carry a minimum overall GPA of 3.0, and write an 800-word essay explaining how leukemia or lymphoma has forever changed their life.
Contact:
Jackie Spellman Foundation Scholarships

10. JoAnn Heffernan Heisen Scholarship

On the basis of academic merit and financial need, the JoAnn Heffernan Heisen Scholarship is granted annually at Syracuse University for $500 to $1,570 to currently enrolled undergraduate students raised within single parent households who need financial assistance to participate in a study abroad program. Along with a completed application, students must submit a one-page essay stating how studying overseas will help them reach their academic, personal, and career objectives in today’s global community.
Contact:
JoAnn Heffernan Heisen Scholarship

This list is only a portion of the scholarships that you can find out there to help in assisting you with funding your child’s college education. So keep researching to get the most scholarship assistance you can for your child.

Single Parent Struggles

08/15/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Interesting article about single parent struggles.

Single parent struggles…how is that defined exactly? Is the problem worse in San Diego than other cities? The San Diego Union Tribune recently ran a story with Nathan Fletcher who is running for San Diego Mayor. He touched a little bit on kids in San Diego, “…There’s no guarantee that you get an equally easy path. So if both of your parents went to college, it’s easier for you than a kid that has a single mom who struggles financially, who’s in a poor community.” Mr. Fletcher went on to talk about everyone having access to the “American Dream” but do children of single parents truly have that access and what kinds of struggles do single parents have?

Single Parent Fed up with Indulgent Grandma

08/10/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

From The Boston Globe

Q. I am 26 and a single parent to a 3-year-old girl. I love my daughter more than anything. However, in the past few months, she has become a brat, doing everything she can to test me.

Due to recent financial problems, we had to move in with my mother until I can finish my degree and get a job. No matter what discipline I use, nothing works because my mother undermines me. There is no consistency in what is right or wrong. My mother always gives in to her every request.

Once in a while, I will spank my daughter. My mother, however, cornered me and gave me a lecture on how awful I am for spanking my child. Yet I can clearly recall being spanked by my mother when I was little.

Mom questions my parenting in front of my daughter. I am grateful that she opened her home to us, but I can’t be an effective parent when she constantly undercuts my authority. How can I get her to keep her child-rearing opinions to herself?

TEXAS

A. While we agree with your mother that discipline does not require spanking, we also understand how difficult it is to raise a child when an indulgent grandparent rules the roost. First, have a sit-down discussion with Mom when your daughter is asleep. Get her to acknowledge that a lack of discipline is not healthy for her grandchild. Compromise by agreeing to use different forms of discipline other than spanking. Create rules you can both abide by. If that doesn’t work, bring Mom to your next pediatrician appointment, and ask the doctor to speak to her. And find other living arrangements as soon as possible.

How to be a Single Parent Success

08/09/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

The reality of single parenting

We hear a lot about single parent households in the news, and how challenging a single parent home can be for children growing up. As much as single parents don’t want to hear that (especially those who didn’t choose to be a single parent), the challenges should not be ignored. However, there is research that shows that children of single parents can avoid many challenges, and thrive when they’re provided consistent love and support.

If you search online you can find many resources and organizations, both nationally and locally, that exist to help single parents succeed in raising healthy, well adjusted kids. And that’s very important, but the critical daily needs of a child, and the managing of daily responsibilities must be shouldered by the single parent. As we all know, that can be overwhelming at times.

So how do single parents succeed?

Love

Tell your children that you love them. You’d be surprised how many parents forget to tell their kids that they love them. Show your kids that you love them. Show the kids that you love them enough to be a responsible parent. They will thank you later.

Consistency

Children do best when they have consistent routines and guidelines; and your house runs smoother. Make sure your child has a consistent schedule and bedtime. Establish rules and boundaries that are consistently enforced with appropriate consequences for violations. Don’t forget to praise good behavior.

Communication

Have family meetings once a week to share the up-coming schedule and get feedback from your kids. You may not think that you need a weekly meeting because you and your child always talk; or your child’s too young, but think again. As your kids get older, family meeting time may be the only time they can re-connect with the rest of the family. The longer you wait to start this ritual, the harder it is to maintain in a single parent household.

Attention

Listen to what your kids are saying; especially when they’re not talking. Know who their friends are; and their friend’s parents. Know what they’re watching, listening to, and where they’re going online. Know where your children are at all times. Again, the older your kids get, the more important this becomes.

We all know that it’s not easy being a single parent, but we can make it easier on our kids and on ourselves if we follow some important rules.

Are You a Single Parent Idiot?

05/10/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

5 Things Some Single Parents Do that make us All Look Bad

Let’s face it, being a single parent is not the easiest job in the world; and for some it’s overwhelming. What makes matters worse is that single parents are portrayed in the media as being uneducated, lazy and neglectful. Some studies even suggest that single parents are raising the next crop of prison inmates. Because of the negative public image that single parents and their children must overcome, it is frustrating when some single parents do things that make us all look bad. If you’re reading Single Parent advice websites like this one, you’re probably not ‘one of those’ single parents. If you know ‘one of those’ single parents, maybe you can tactfully send them this list.

1. You Send your Kids to School Dirty

Ask any teacher what their pet peeves are when it comes to parents, and right at the top is children who show up to school in dirty clothes and/or in need of a bath. I know that it isn’t just single parents that are guilty of this, but no matter how stretched you are as a single parent, make sure your children go to school clean. It helps your child get viewed in a positive way. It helps your child’s self-esteem. And it reflects well on you, as a single parent which, in turn helps all single parents.

2. You Haven’t Given Your Children Structure

If this doesn’t happen early, good luck trying to reign in your middle or high-schooler. Children thrive on structure. You don’t have to be a drill sergeant but if you have to be the mom and the dad, you’re going to have to face the fact that you need to be loving but firm. Let your children know who the parent is; what the rules are, and why they are important. And let them know what the consequences are if those rules are broken. If you’re consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly your children willingly stay within the boundaries you’ve set. And by the time your children reach middle school, they will already have these good habits instilled in them.

3. You Turn your Child Against the Other Parent

I can hear some single parents saying, ‘I didn’t turn my child against their other parent; the other parent did it by________________’ (fill in the blank). Whether your child’s other parent is involved and paying child support, or not involved at all; your child is still genetically half of that person. No matter how horrible the other parent is to you, or even your child, you can still refrain from speaking badly. You can teach your child that it’s okay to love the other parent but hate their behavior. Why would you want to do this? Because your child’s emotional health and self esteem depend on it. Growing up knowing that you come from two ‘good’ parents; even if one of those parents is making really bad choices right now, helps kids emotionally. A child who is brought up thinking that one half of the gene pool that created him/her is ‘bad’, can’t help but be convinced that part of that ‘bad’ is inside of them. And that causes problems later on.

4. You Burden Your Child with Your Problems

One of the best things that you can do for your child is to let them know that they don’t have to worry. Sure there will be problems. Maybe the car breaks down and you don’t know how you’re going to manage. Or maybe you don’t know how you’re going to come up with the rent money this month. Instead of burdening your child by telling them you don’t have a clue what you’ll do, they need to hear that, no matter what, you are the parent and you will take care of them. Children need a sense that someone is steering the boat and is taking responsibility. Children are children, and burdening them with adult issues forces them to worry about things that they’re not mature enough to handle. If you love your children, you’ll unload on an adult friend; that’s what they’re for.

5. Your Issues have you Dragging your Children through Multiple Bad Relationships

If you’ve had a messed up childhood and never got counseling for it, chances are you’re still messed up and you’re passing this ‘messed-upness’ onto your children. You love your kids. You don’t want to set them up for a lifetime of low self-esteem and broken relationships with all the wrong people. So before you begin that next screwed-up relationship, go get help. If not for you; for your kids.

There’s a lot of bad press out there about single parents and the effects of single parenting on children. And while many of us didn’t choose single parenting, it was thrust upon us, we can still be smart single parents and prove the ‘experts’ wrong.