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Mother’s Day: Single Parent Hope

Mother’s Day: Single Parent Hope

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For Mother’s Day – A Story of an exceptional Single Mother

On Mother’s Day I thought it would be nice to highlight an exceptional single mother. I found this article, written by Gregory Phillips in the Fayetteville, NC Observer and was inspired by it. I hope you enjoy it.

Ruby Womack is the calm in the eye of the storm.

A calm she manages to keep while being a single parent to a son, grandson and two foster children.

While working long shifts at an urgent-care center.

While losing her home to last month’s tornado.

The willowy, soft-spoken 59-year-old bears it all with poise and quiet dignity.

“I think I can fix the world, I guess,” she said. “If I stopped, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Mother’s Day sees the most phone calls of any day of the year, according to a recent study. Womack will be getting at least one of them, from a former foster daughter who lived with her until leaving for college.

“She always calls on Mother’s Day,” Womack said, pride distinct in her voice.

Womack has fostered about 20 children since returning to her hometown 20 years ago after a spell in New York. A friend was fostering two children. Moved by her story, Womack signed up, despite having four children of her own.

Womack is divorced these days, and three of her four children have long flown the nest. She remains a single parent to her quiet, 24-year-old son, Reggie, who suffers bouts of confusion; her grandson Weldon, 13; and two boisterous foster children, brothers ages 6 and 9.

“Kids,” she said. “It’s what I do.”

5 Tips for Single Parents with Teenagers

5 Tips for Single Parents with Teenagers

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Single parents and teenagers – these two words bring to mind the most challenging phases of life. I know because I was raised by a single parent, and not so long ago I was a teenager. I remember the life challenges my own mother encountered as a single parent. Here are 5 tips to help you navigate the ever changing challenges of being a single parent:

Remember you are still a family

Regardless of the circumstances your family is still a family – even if it does not have two parents. There are many single parent families that are emotionally healthy. It is a matter of choice, not luck. They choose to make their families emotionally healthy, fun and one that is filled with positive memories.

Parent Tip #1: Think about the ideals that you want your family to be known for, and write them down. Perhaps make a door hanger or craft that contains symbols of these ideals to remind you of them.

Talk with your teen about their feelings

As you may know, your teen may also be experiencing feelings of loss. Regardless of the age and circumstances, your child may have feelings of sadness or anger or just feeling different than their peers. Allow your son/daughter to talk to about how they are feeling. This will also help the relationship you have with them. If you are concerned about your teenager’s adjustment to the divorce, then I suggest you find a qualified professional counselor to help your teenager.

Parent Tip #2: Look for teachable moments. Those special times when you know your teen is really listening to you, and is engaged, and take advantage of it. Teachable moments are a rarity, so seize the moment. Fina a qualified professional counselor for your teenager to talk with to help adjust to the divorce.

Stay involved

As best you can, continue to be involved in their lives. Show them you are still committed to them despite your stresses. Consistency in your behavior will shout louder than your words.

Parent Tip #3: Attend school functions. Find those things you both have to do anyways throughout the week and do them together. Eat meals together. Go for a morning or evening walk together.

Teach responsibility

Teenagers are usually begging for parents to give them their independence. One of the best ways to teach responsibility is to give them chores to do around the home. Address chores not as something you are nagging them to do, but an opportunity for your teenager to show he/she is responsible to handle more independence.



Parent Tip #4: Start with small responsibilities and then work into more independence with greater responsibilities. For example, you may begin with teaching them to do their own laundry before letting them drive your vehicle.

Live within your means

Parents often incur a great deal of financial debt in order to “care” for their teenagers. They want them to have the right kind of clothes, have their own cars and other “necessities” the teenager says they “need.” This approach is lose-lose for everyone. Teenagers are not taught about proper spending, and the parents’ credit card bills stack up as does their financial stress.

Parent Tip #5: Educate your child on healthy spending habits. If they are of employment age, have them work to earn money to pay for their own “necessities.” Likewise, educate yourself on healthy spending habits.

Single parenting may not be the ideal parenting circumstances. However, it can be done right with children that are happy, confident, and achievers. Each parent can play an essential role in their children’s well being. How about you? Are you struggling being a single parent? Take the reigns of being a single parent to make a difference in the life of your teenager! Do it now before your teenager becomes a young adult.

Parenting Advice – Are You a Parent?

Parenting Advice – Are You a Parent?

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Parent or Buddy?

We’ve all seen the parent who isn’t really the parent at all. There’s the ‘buddy’ parent who is joined at the hip with their child and doesn’t make a decision without consulting the child. Or the parent who has reversed roles completely with their kid and has made the child the responsible one. When your children are too young to make responsible decisions about much of their lives, is it healthy to live like roommates, or worse, as if you’re the child? Overwhelming research says no. It’s not healthy for the kids or the single parent, yet so many single parents do this very thing. So how do you transition from being a roommate with your kids to being the ‘head of the household’; the lone parent in charge? The first step is to be honest with yourself, recognize unhealthy parenting, and acknowledge that it needs fixing.

When reality hits and a single parent realizes that they are ‘it’; they are the parent in charge and need to take the lead, most of them panic. And while denial and regression are parts of the grieving process, staying stuck there is a disaster for the single parent and their children. The following is a parenting trap that many single parents fall into. If you find yourself relating to this ‘parenting style’ take a long honest look at yourself and ask; ‘do I really want to teach my kids how to be a victim and refuse to take responsibility, or do I want to teach them that taking responsibility for your circumstances leads to growth and a joyful life.’

The Promissory Note

Life does not hold any promises. Everyone knows that, right? Some single parents tend to replay society’s promises over and over. ‘If I do the right thing, look the right way, say the right things, the right mate will come along and we will live happily ever after. I followed the rules but they lied; they owe me!’

If you’re a single parent stuck in the ‘Promissory Note’ lie then you probably married young, gave up pursuing a career, and threw yourself into being a full time wife. That is until the kids came. And then your husband left you for another woman. He lied! He owes me! How dare he say that I stopped paying attention to him after the kids were born. I’m focusing on the kids for both of us. How dare he say that I never make an effort to look attractive anymore. Doesn’t he appreciate my efforts to be ‘super-mom’.

If you’re a single dad you probably married young, pursued your career, and threw yourself into being a full time husband/provider. That is until the kids came and being a provider became more important than being a husband. And then your wife leaves you. She lied! She owes me! How dare she say you’re never around and don’t know your own family anymore. Doesn’t she know that I was working long hours for them. How dare she say that I never make an effort to show you her I’m still attracted to her. Doesn’t she appreciate my efforts to be a great provider.

Parents with the Promissory Note mentality have a hard time letting go of how ‘unfair’ it all is. They refuse to take on the added responsibility of being a single parent (nurturer and provider). Instead they live as if their ex is still responsible for living up to their portion of ‘The promissory Note’, never wanting to acknowledge that the ex-spouse may also have a Promissory Note of their own, that was not lived up to by you. If you are stuck in the Promissory Note mentality you become the perpetual victim; forever focused on how you were ‘wronged’ so that you never have to work on your own short comings. This is an ineffective and unhealthy place to parent from.

The World is Unfair

If you are bitter because your spouse left you and ‘that’s unfair’, I have news for you: The world is not fair. But you already knew that. You didn’t just find this out when your marriage ended. You knew that life was not fair a long time ago. Maybe it was when your beloved pet died. Or when you realized that your best friend since kindergarten dumped you in middle school because your family wasn’t as ‘well off’ as theirs. We know the world is unfair, so why wallow in self-pity? Does it feel good? Well then ask yourself this: When was the last time you enjoyed being around someone who felt sorry for themselves and constantly reminded you that they were a poor helpless victim in a cruel world. You don’t want to be that bitter person, and you surely don’t want to raise your kids to be like that, do you? Everyone has past bad experiences; that’s part of life. Whether you choose to be a victim or a victor is your choice, and yours alone.

So, you can raise your kids as a parent who is the permanent victim of an unfair event that can never be recovered from. Or you can raise you children as a parent who has had many life experiences; one of which happened to be a divorce. I think the healthy choice is clear.

Assisting Single Parent Families – Universal Love Foundation

Assisting Single Parent Families – Universal Love Foundation

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Ten years ago the Agoura Hills-based Universal Love Foundation opened its doors and its heart to assist struggling single parents and their children. On Oct. 15, it celebrated its 10th anniversary with a fund raising gala at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills Hotel.

During cocktails, guests enjoyed a boutique shopping experience presented by a variety of area vendors and a silent auction presented by Westlake Village auction company Bang the Gavel. The keynote dinner speaker was Elli Hakami, senior vice president of programming and production for BBC Worldwide. Dinner entertainment featured music by talented, local coloratura soprano Bonnie Bowman, as well as a performance by Malibu singer/songwriter/instrumentalist Naomi Louise Warne and her son, 12-year-old Gabriel Deibel. Warne and Deibel became a single parent family following the loss of their husband/father Paul V. Deibel, and sought help from ULF to work through their grief.