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Organization Tips for Single Parents

05/07/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

Let’s face it, life is BUSY! And you’re a single parent so life is BUSIER! Carving out some leisure/free/fun time for you and your kids takes some planning and organizational skills, but it’s worth it.

Who doesn’t want more free, fun time with their kids! Let’s see how we can make more of that happen.

Daily Routines are Your Friends

Establish daily routines for your family so that everyone knows what’s expected of them. Routines won’t solve all of your battles, but there’ll be fewer surprises. Bedtime routines as well as morning routines really help your single parent household run more efficiently. Don’t forget homework, chores, and meal time routines. Get yourself a dry erase board and have your routines in a place where everyone sees them often. Routines definitely save you time.

A Family Calendar is a Must

Along with your routines board, you need a family calendar where everyone can see it. Keep track of your special events, special school activities, and appointments, etc. This cuts down on conflicts and lets you, and the kids keep track of the logistics of who needs to be where at what time. An up to date family calendar will save you even more time.

Motivate your Kids to do their Chores

You’re a single parent. You need to get household chores done on a daily basis but there’s no way you can do it alone. You may disagree, but the fastest way to get the chores done (and with no whining) is to offer an incentive. It could be money but it doesn’t have to be. You can make the incentive internet access when their chores are done. Whatever motivates your child. Chores are more likely to get done quickly and properly if there is an incentive attached.

Plan Your Meals

Obviously you’re going to take your kids’ preferences into consideration, but it is a huge time and money saver when you plan your meals out weekly. Planning your weekly meals out saves on trips to the grocery store – you only need to go once. If you can pre-make meals for the week and freeze them, you save even more time. An added bonus is family fun time together in the kitchen if your kids like to cook with you.

If you follow these tips you will be able to regain some precious time that you and your kids can use for more enjoyable things, like spending some fun leisure time together.

The Divorce is Over – Now What? New Single Parent Reality

04/27/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

For some, going through a divorce can feel like all your hopes and dreams were just crushed under a huge pile of bricks; while for others it can feel like a pile of bricks was lifted from your back. Either way, moving on as a single parent is a new and sometimes challenging experience. Let’s look at some of the things that might crop up as you start your single parent life.

Feeling Lonely

One of the more challenging aspects of being a single parent is the feeling of being alone. Sometimes being alone can be a positive thing but if you are missing that special connection with another adult then you are not alone. Rather than putting yourself out there in the “market” right away take some time for you. Companionship can be found in many healthy activities such as craft groups, support groups, a bowling team, or anywhere you can make new friends and not feel so alone.

Healing Time

Give yourself some time to heal before dating again. For some, healing can involve learning to love yourselves again, and for others it could be learning to be on your own as a single parent. As much as you may feel like you can never do this alone don’t jump into another relationship until you have proven to yourself that you can. For some this can prove to be a struggle but it is possible. The only true way to have a healthy relationship with anyone is to be a whole (healed) person before you begin a relationship.

Find Support

Build a support group of friends and family. Choose only those who help you to feel good about yourself. Disconnect from those who put you down or doubt your abilities. You don’t need those people. And yes, you can tell them. Simply say that if they don’t have something positive to contribute then you can’t be around them right now. They will either change their ways or move on. If you find yourself without positive support or just would like more then you can always turn to local church groups in your community. Many larger churches have single parent support groups.

Children Need Healing and Support as Well

Your children need time to adjust to their new normal. Healing and support is crucial for them as well. No matter how adjusted you thing you are, think about where your kids are in their adjustment journey before you think about starting a new relationship. And when they are ready, and you’re thinking about dating, ask yourself: Will this person be a good influence? How soon should I introduce a new person into my child’s life? How will my child react? These are all valid questions and there is no one correct answer. The best thing to do is to consider these questions and more before you even consider dating.

You Will Adapt and Thrive as a Single Parent if you Allow Yourself

Adjusting to being a single parent is sometimes quite hard. Don’t give up on yourself though. You will adjust, heal, and become a better person/parent for your children.

5 Common Questions Single Parents Ask

04/26/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

1. How Do I Adjust to Being a Single Parent?

Being a single parent isn’t easy, especially in the beginning. But instead of giving in and feeling sorry for yourself, take steps to start the adjustment process right away. Get involved in a single parent support group. There you can find support and fun. Reach out to other single parents in your community. Invite them and their kids over for a play date or a picnic in the park. Be kind and take care of yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the better you’ll feel as a single parent.

2. Will I Ever Heal? How Can I Start the Healing Process?

Whether your spouse died or you’ve just gone through a divorce, you will need to go through the grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance are all a part of that process. For some the process is quicker than others. To help yourself through the grieving process, get involved in a support group. Let yourself cry when you feel like crying. Exercise; pursue a hobby; get yourself around other adults, and accept help from others. Help others. This actually has an amazing healing affect. Finally, seek out the help of a professional counselor/therapist if after 6 months you’re still not moving through the grieving process.

3. How am I Going to Live on My New Budget?

Newly single parents usually have to adjust to a new, smaller budget. This is something that you need to pay attention to right away. You cannot live the way you did when there were two incomes. Create a brutally honest budget for your single parent family and stick to it. Maxing out your credit cards and possibly ruining your credit will only make matters WAY worse for a long time. Look for ways to increase your income. Try to eliminate or restructure any debt that you currently have. Live within your means by cutting out all but necessary expenses. As you adjust to single parent living you can then start adding additional expenses to your budget as your income allows.

Where Can I Find a Single Parent Support Group?

You should be able to find more than on single parent support group in your community. You may even be able to find single parent support groups that cater to specific sub-groups such as single moms, single dads, etc. Many religious organizations off single parent support groups, so look there. Ask for referral from doctors, or other single parents in the community. Google single parent support groups in your area.

5. How do I Start Dating Again?

Whether you want to date just for the adult companionship or you’re looking for something more serious, here are a few ideas on how to meet new potential dates. For sure there are many dating apps out there. If you decide to use a dating app, use caution. People can be very deceptive on dating apps. Instead, join a gym or take a night class at your local community college. You can spend time at bookstores, museums, or any other place where single frequent. A great place to meet new people (potential dates included) is your local church. Offer to volunteer which gives you a built in excuse to talk to everyone.

Dating can boost your ego as a newly single parent but be very cautious. Take it slow, and don’t put yourself out there until you’ve had time to heal from your previous relationship.

Are You Ready to Date Again?

03/06/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Getting back on the dating scene can be daunting. Working up the courage to start dating is tough for many people but can be especially difficult when raising a child alone. To help you get back in the game, here are some top dating tips from an expert for single parents.

Are You Sure You’re Ready?

Dating is going to be a big step for you and could have an impact on your children, particularly depending on their age. If you’re not 100% ready, then this will be obvious to any potential suitors so be confident in your decision and never feel guilty about allowing yourself the opportunity to find love.

What Kind of Relationship are You Looking For?

Keep in mind that now you have children, relationships may be slightly more complicated than when you were originally single. That’s not to say that you can’t meet somebody amazing – think about what kind of person you are looking for and how they will fit into your lifestyle as it is now

Manage Your Expectations

Don’t expect your perfect partner to fall into your lap after five minutes. Like anything in life, you will need to invest time and effort in order to find somebody you are truly compatible with.

How do Your Children Feel About You Dating?

You don’t want your children directing the process but if they are old enough to understand they can be surprisingly insightful. When you are putting together your profile, they can help with things like choosing photographs or identifying individual qualities or stories about yourself that you may not necessarily be aware of or remember.

How does a Potential Date Feel About Children?

If you meet someone and they are clear, or you have the sense, that they don’t particularly like children then walk away. Your children are wonderfully special and it’s unfair to introduce somebody into their life that doesn’t feel the same way.

Does this Potential Date Have Children of Their Own?

Though it’s by no means vital, having children of their own means that they will usually understand the complications of childcare, scheduling, last minute cancellations and all the other joyous aspects that now accompany your dating life. That said if they don’t have children, then just look for that sense of understanding, and compatibility where raising children is concerned.

Should You Say that You Have Children in Your Profile?

Yes absolutely. Honesty is always the best policy and they are a big part of your life, but keep it simple at this stage. ‘I have two children, a boy and a girl, Adam and Anna, 7 and 9′ is sufïcient.

How Much Should You Involve Your Children in Your Profile?

You are the one looking to find love – not your little one – so make sure your profile picture is of you and you alone. That said, an image of you and your children later on will provide nice insight into your exiting family dynamic.

How Much Should You Mention Your Children on a Date?

This is especially difficult, as parents we are hardwired to talk about our children and how great they are! Before a date, take the time to remember the things that really make you tick and make an effort to let your date get to know every aspect of your personality. Of course, if the topic of your children naturally comes up, don’t stress out about avoiding it, go with what feels natural and comfortable to you.

How Long Should You Wait Before Introducing a New Partner to Your Children?

There is no set answer here, rather a case-by-case decision on what makes you and your children comfortable. Wherever possible, you should communicate with your children about your current relationship and introduce the idea of a new partner long before the partner themselves. Also, don’t put too much pressure on a first meet. Do something fun and relaxed and let them get to know each other in a natural way.

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4 Challenges of Dating as a Single Parent

03/04/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

I’m not going to lie, there are challenges when it comes to dating as a single parent. Being a single parent can cramp your style when it comes to dating if you let it. But don’t let it. Here are 4 challenges that single parents face when dating, along with some advice on how to overcome them. Because you owe it to yourself to have a life; and possibly a new relationship. So follow this advice and you just might find yourself enjoying a few nights out on the town with an attractive companion. And maybe more…

1. Time

One of the biggest obstacles to single parent dating is time. Without a partner to help you transport, feed and nurture your children, you may find yourself in a non-stop hamster’s wheel of activities, responsibilities and obligations. And if you have small children, childcare may be an issue. They may already spend large amounts of time in daycare.

Giving yourself permission to get out and enjoy yourself is the first step toward having a regular dating life. Enlist the help of friends, relatives an older child. Trade evening babysitting with another single mother so your youngsters can be around people they are comfortable with.

2. Money

Simply put, dating can be expensive.

There are many activities that can be enjoyed without spending large sums of money. A simple picnic, an early movie, skating, hiking, a drive in the country, dinner at home, or a BBQ in the back yard are all activities that can be arranged very inexpensively. And you’ll probably have a more enjoyable time.

3. Empathy

Not all dates are going to be thrilled with a date who needs to check on her offspring often or who receives multiple phone calls from demanding children or babysitters. The restrictions on how long you can stay out and how far away you can travel may put a damper on an evening with someone who does not have children of their own.

Instead of leaving this to chance, join organizations such as Parents Without Partners. This can be an excellent way of engaging in family activities and meeting other people, especially those of the opposite sex, who are in your situation. There are also many online dating sites available which are designed specifically for the single parent.

4. Lack of Self-Confidence

Many single parents put all of their energy into taking care of their children and households. By the time they are ready to jump back into the dating arena, they may be out of touch with trends and popular hot spots. They may not have a wardrobe conducive to dating. Their conversation skills may be limited to entertaining a three-year old during snack time. All of this can add up to a general lack of confidence when it comes to re-entering the dating and relationship scene.

It may not sound like a good solution but practice makes perfect. Sure, making mistakes doesn’t sound like fun, but if you keep trying and keep a positive mindset you will regain your confidence and dating will get easier. Be patient with yourself. The worst thing that you could do is to rush into dating anyway.

Be kind to yourself. Give the dating process plenty of time. And enjoy the journey.

8 Tips on Reducing Single Parent Stress

02/06/2018 Hope Comments 0 Comment

Raising kids can be stressful. Raising kids alone can be STRESSFUL. Here are some tips to reduce your single parent stress.

1. Get Your Finances Under Control

Raising a family on a reduced income can be one of the the most stressful aspects of being a single parent. That’s why one of the first things that you should do is understand your expenses, and make a budget. Controlling your cash flow by sticking to a budget is one of the most important things that you can do to reduce stress and move forward with your single parent life.

2. Set Up a Support System

All single parents need help — whether it’s someone to watch the kids while you run out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed. While it’s tempting to try to handle everything alone, ask friends and family members for help. You could join a single-parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted sitter to help out with the kids or someone to assist with housework.

3. Set UP and Keep Daily and Weekly Routines

The more routines you have in place, the more smoothly your house will run. Schedule meals and chores on a weekly calendar. Have a set bedtime for the kids, along with a bedtime routine (bath, brush teeth, lay out clothes, quiet reading time before bed). Once in place, these routines will be comforting to your children because they will know what to expect each day. Consistent routines will help your kids feel more secure, and your household will run much more smoothly.

4. Maintain Healthy Boundaries with Your Children

When you become a single parent there tends to be a big void where your partner used to be. Many times it’s tempting to rely too heavily on children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But relying on your children to act as substitutes for an adult partner is unhealthy for both of you. Instead of relying on your children for emotional support seek out other adults for your emotional needs. If you don’t have family or friends to rely on, many churches have single parent support groups to help. Different churches offer different kinds of support, but you might be surprised at how supportive they can be. Or seek counseling if necessary.

5. Carve Out Quality Time with Your Children

As a single parent there is always going to be something you need to do around the house; but don’t let that stop you from connecting with your children in a meaningful way every day. Use your routines to connect – a quick bedtime story; or family breakfast catch up with your children will keep you connected daily. Then find larger chunks of time, perhaps on the weekends to do fun things together – bike rids, crafts or baking can provide the fun bonding time you need with your children. And it doesn’t have to cost anything. As long as you focus on love and connection, your time as a family will surely be quality time.

6. Take Time for Yourself

I know it sometimes seems impossible to carve out any time for yourself, but it is so important. With your budget, routines, and rituals in place it will be much easier to accomplish. Remember, if you’re not at your best, nothing in you single parent household is going to be running at its best. Even if it’s something as simple as a warm bath, or 15 minutes of reading before you go to bed. Setting aside personal time for you to refuel will do wonders for your whole family.

7. Stay positive

As a single parent it can be easy to become overwhelmed by all your responsibilities every day. On top of that, you may not have wanted the divorce. Or maybe you are grieving the death of a spouse. It is true; you do have to go through the grieving process. And you do have to deal with your feelings regarding a divorce; but you can still cultivate a positive environment in your home. The key is to move through and process the painful event that has happened in your family. Don’t get stuck in the pain. Don’t let negativity and sadness become what you and your family is now about. If you’re feeling sad, it’s okay to share some of your sentiments with your children, but always try to help them see that for every ending there is a new beginning.

8. Dream About and Plan for the Future

This really needs no explanation. The way to make a great future is to dream about and plan for a great future. Do this, and teach your children how to do this, and things will turn out just fine.