Browsed by
Tag: single dad

8 Tips on Reducing Single Parent Stress

8 Tips on Reducing Single Parent Stress

Comments 0 Comment

Raising kids can be stressful.  Raising kids alone can be STRESSFUL.  Here are some tips to reduce your single parent stress.

1. Get Your Finances Under Control

Raising a family on a reduced income can be one of the the most stressful aspects of being a single parent. That’s why one of the first things that you should do is understand your expenses, and make a budget.  Controlling your cash flow by sticking to a budget is one of the most important things that you can do to reduce stress and move forward with your single parent life.

2. Set Up a Support System

All single parents need help — whether it’s someone to watch the kids while you run out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed. While it’s tempting to try to handle everything alone, ask friends and family members for help. You could join a single-parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted sitter to help out with the kids or someone to assist with housework.



3. Set UP and Keep Daily and Weekly Routines

The more routines you have in place, the more smoothly your house will run.  Schedule meals and chores on a weekly calendar.  Have a set bedtime for the kids, along with a bedtime routine (bath, brush teeth, lay out clothes, quiet reading time before bed).  Once in place, these routines will be comforting to your children because they will know what to expect each day.  Consistent routines will help your kids feel more secure, and your household will run much more smoothly.

4. Maintain Healthy Boundaries with Your Children

When you become a single parent there tends to be a big void where your partner used to be.  Many times it’s tempting to rely too heavily on children for comfort, companionship, or sympathy. But relying on your children to act as substitutes for an adult partner is unhealthy for both of you.  Instead of relying on your children for emotional support seek out other adults for your emotional needs.  If you don’t have family or friends to rely on, many churches have single parent support groups to help.  Different churches offer different kinds of support, but you might be surprised at how supportive they can be.  Or seek counseling if necessary.

5. Carve Out Quality Time with Your Children

As a single parent there is always going to be something you need to do around the house; but don’t let that stop you from connecting with your children in a meaningful way every day.  Use your routines to connect – a quick bedtime story; or family breakfast catch up with your children will keep you connected daily.  Then find larger chunks of time, perhaps on the weekends to do fun things together – bike rids, crafts or baking can provide the fun bonding time you need with your children.  And it doesn’t have to cost anything.  As long as you focus on love and connection, your time as a family will surely be quality time.



6. Take Time for Yourself

I know it sometimes seems impossible to carve out any time for yourself, but it is so important.  With your budget, routines, and rituals in place it will be much easier to accomplish.  Remember, if you’re not at your best, nothing in you single parent household is going to be running at its best.  Even if it’s something as simple as a warm bath, or 15 minutes of reading before you go to bed.  Setting aside personal time for you to refuel will do wonders for your whole family.

7. Stay positive

As a single parent it can be easy to become overwhelmed by all your responsibilities every day.  On top of that, you may not have wanted the divorce.  Or maybe you are grieving the death of a spouse.  It is true; you do have to go through the grieving process.  And you do have to deal with your feelings regarding a divorce; but you can still cultivate a positive environment in your home.  The key is to move through and process the painful event that has happened in your family.  Don’t get stuck in the pain.  Don’t let negativity and sadness become what you and your family is now about.  If you’re feeling sad, it’s okay to share some of your sentiments with your children, but always try to help them see that for every ending there is a new beginning.

8. Dream About and Plan for the Future

This really needs no explanation.  The way to make a great future is to dream about and plan for a great future.  Do this, and teach your children how to do this, and things will turn out just fine.

When is it OK to Leave my Children Home Alone?

When is it OK to Leave my Children Home Alone?

Comments 0 Comment

As a single parent you may be asking yourself, ‘when can I start leaving my children home alone?’ This may be out of necessity or because your children seem mature enough and don’t want to go with you everywhere you go.

Before you make the decision to leave you children home alone there are many things to consider. The following is a link to an article that covers everything that you need to think about and address before you decide to leave your children at home without you.

Children Home Alone – Decide When to Leave Them Home

POSP – Better Opportunities for Single Parents

POSP – Better Opportunities for Single Parents

Comments 0 Comment

This from the Fort Bliss Monitor

Single parents attend the Better Opportunities for Single Parents monthly meeting March 12 at the Combat Aviation Brigade Dining Facility. Photo by Sgt. Ida Irby, 24th Press Camp Headquarters.
Single parents attend the Better Opportunities for Single Parents monthly meeting March 12 at the Combat Aviation Brigade Dining Facility. Photo by Sgt. Ida Irby, 24th Press Camp Headquarters.

Sgt. Ida Irby, 24th Press Camp Headquarters:

Better Opportunities for Single Parents is a fresh organization created to give a voice to single parents in the Army. The Fort Bliss BOSP group hopes to also reach out to DoD civilians, National Guard, reservists, retirees, and veterans of all branches who are in a single-parent situation due to temporary duty, overseas deployment or separate duty stations.

Since November 2011, the BOSP program is growing daily as a result of up-to-date commander’s briefings, newcomers briefings and family readiness group trainings.

“Bring your voice, your issues and your concerns,” said Sgt. Richard Carreon, vice president of the BOSP. “‘Total Army Family’ sums up what it takes for single parents to be successful. Without the chain of command, chain of concern, FRG, family care plans and the arsenal of Army programs; it would be virtually impossible to raise a child as a single or dual military parent.”

Why It’s Better to Be a Single Parent

Why It’s Better to Be a Single Parent

Comments 0 Comment

This article comes to us from Dishon & Block

Being a single parent is not an ideal situation. No matter how you spin it, almost everyone agrees that having two parents is better than one. However, being a single parent post-divorce or separation gets a worse rep than it deserves, and there are advantages to raising children alone.

Rather than trying to work with your ex to make parenting compromises, you’ll get to make your own decisions. Kerri Zane, single mother advisor, offers five reasons that being a single parent actually can be better:

1- No negotiations necessary. Parents trying to co-parent will continue to fight and deal with disagreeing views on how to raise their children. All the fighting and disagreeing can make both environments unhealthy for your child. As a single parent you can be the security blanket and the healthy, loving parent that your child needs.

You can read the entire article here.

5 Things Every Single Parent Must Have

5 Things Every Single Parent Must Have

Comments 0 Comment

Single parents are pulled in many directions.  There’s so much demand on your time and attention, and sooner or later you’ll get overwhelmed.  Don’t make it harder on yourself than it has to be.  Implement these 5 important “must haves”, and start living life instead of life living you.

1. A Schedule

There are some activities that just have to get done daily, monthly, and yearly.  If you know ahead of time what and when things need to get done it places you that much further ahead.  No longer will you spend all your time putting out fires and addressing issues as they come up.

Of course you want some flexibility in your schedule for the unexpected, but if you’re living too spontaneously, important tasks will get overlooked.  You don’t want to be driving to work and get pulled over because you forgot to renew your license plates.  You don’t want your child to miss a field trip at school because you didn’t fill out the permission slip.

Having a family calendar easily accessible to everyone is a great tool.  If you have an uncertain work schedule that changes from week to week help your children, sitters, and others plan their activities by posting it on the calendar.  Keep track of seasonal chores, when bills are due, and school activities.  People will start seeing you as the “Supermom/dad” you really are.

2. A Menu/Meal Plan

Stopping at fast food joints is expensive and unhealthy.  Schedule one day each month, or every other week, to plan and cook for the entire month.  Chop vegetables, make homemade sauces, and prepare meals to freeze.  If you have items ready to throw together it not only makes food preparation easier and faster, but it also saves on you money.

If you aren’t sure about making a meal plan, start writing down everything you eat for a month, or ask your children for menu ideas.  You probably already know their favorite meals, but having their input makes it simpler for them to accept homemade meals.

Knowing what your menu/meal plan helps you schedule your shopping trips.  The last thing you want to do after a long day at work is spend time at the grocery store.  Not only will you have to unpack, put away, and then cook what you bring home, but you’ll save money and the physical stress to your body if you go shopping on a none working day.  You want to be rested and mentally prepared to navigate the grocery store isles.



3.  Sounding Board or Confidante

If you have a good relationship with your ex-spouse, or the other parent, then you might be temped to go to them for support and help in trying times.  This is not a good idea in the long run.  It is important for you to co-parent with your ex, but you’d do well to leave it at that.  You will need a trusted friend or family member to rely on.  Decisions, tasks, and situations will arise where you’ll need someone to talk things over.  Having a shoulder to lean on with an objective view is invaluable.

4.  Schedule Play Time

Providing for the physical needs of the children dominates a single parents life.  If you are taking care of their basic needs of a roof over their head, food on the table, and clothing then the worry and guilt should be minimized.  But when they complain about not having wants and desires we become consumed with wanting to please them.  What children really need is emotional and spiritual support through interaction with us.

Spending lighthearted, fun, playful moments with them will increase their self-esteem.  Getting down on the floor, jumping on a trampoline, winding your way through a jungle gym, and swinging to great heights with your children shows them how important they are to you.  Taking time from a busy schedule to meet them at their level will go a long way in strengthening that child/parent bond.

5.  Personal time and space

Everyone needs alone time to function properly.  Having your own room, or quiet space, to purge the angst and worries from your mind is an absolute necessity.  Single parents protect children from the cares of the world by hiding fear and worry, but when emotions build up you need a place where tender eyes and hearts will not be party to the release.  While sharing some issues with children may make them more resilient they can become overloaded if too much worry and fear are heaped upon them.

You should also schedule once or twice a month time away from the children.  Spend an evening with friends, go out on a date, or better by far get some daily exercise.  Take opportunities for alone time to build your own self-esteem.  Most of all remember mistakes will be made, but they do not define you as a parent.  You are doing the best you can, and that’s all anyone, even you, can expect.

Keep Your Kids Safe from Preditors

Keep Your Kids Safe from Preditors

Comments 0 Comment

The Sad Truth

Horrific stories about children being molested are common in the new today.  With the trial of Jerry Sandusky, the alleged abuse of Bishop Eddie Long of Atlanta, and the painful memories of priests abusing young boys in the Catholic Church, single parents need to be more proactive when it comes to protecting our children. It’s unfortunate that as single parents our job is made that much harder because we once looked to ‘respected’ men in the community to mentor our children, particularly boys.

Not Stranger Danger

Most children get the ‘stranger danger’ talk early and often; at home and at school.  But when the potential danger is someone who is familiar and around our children everyday, things get confusing.  Teachers, coaches, pastors, and even family members are people our children should be able to trust, but that’s not always the case.

Single moms should not give anyone too much access to their children even if they are in positions of authority. In The Myth of the Broken Home-Guidebook for Single Parents “Strangers” are obvious, but “Strange Nots” are very familiar to children. They include people who are around our children everyday including family members, teachers, preachers, friends. These are people our children should be able to trust, but as we know, it’s not always the case. Children should be taught to apply some of the same protective techniques with familiar adults as with strangers.



What Can You Do?

Child molesters have very specific predatory skills much like many offenders. Here are some tips to help you lessen the chances of your child from being a victim.

  1. Monitor your child’s interaction with strangers and use every interaction as a teaching moment. Your child needs to know what to do in situations with strangers first. Once they know how to react to ‘Stranger Danger’ you will be able to start teaching them about ‘Not-So Stranger Danger’.
  2. If you are actively dating; never invite the men you meet into your home. This is not just for your children’s safety, but your own as well. Be very causious about jumping into a relationship too fast. If you develop a friendship with a male, spend time with him outside your home. Meet at a restaurant or a local coffee shop.
  3. Know the whereabouts of your children at all times. Know where they are, what they are doing, and who they are with. This is very important. Your children should also know that they need to contact you if there is any change in plans; before the change happens.
  4. Openly communicate with your child about their body and what is private. Let them know that their body is their own; and if someone is making them uncomfortable by touching them they should say so. Even if it’s just a hug. Children need to know that they have the right to say no to someone touching them. They also need to be comfortable enough to tell you, their parent, if it happens.

 

Single parents, are often exhausted and sometimes burdened, but we still must do our best to protect our children as best we can.