If you’re a newly single parent, the thought of jumping back into dating can seem terrifying. But as you settle into your new role, dating again may start to be something that you want to do. When that time comes it’s common to have lots of questions and worry about things like: How will my kids react to me dating? When is a good time to start dating as a single parent? Is single parent dating even worth it?

If you have questions about dating as a single parent below is some advice that will help you on your new journey into the world of dating with kids.

Wait a Year Before You Start Dating

It may seem hard for many but waiting a year is ideal (six months at the very least). The reason that a year is ideal is that you’ll have gone through all of the holidays and birthdays at least once on your own. Getting through those major events on your own at least once will give you so much strength and confidence in any future relationship. It also saves you from potentially turning a good partner away by subjecting him to unresolved issues that he has nothing to do with.

Of course situations vary, but if you’re a single parent because of the death or divorce of a long term partner you need time to heal. Truly the best scenario for you and your kids is to go to some type of counselling to process the grief and/or hurt feelings that you now face because of your new single parent situation. Getting involved in your own interests is also a very healthy thing to do before you start dating again. You may rediscover things that once brought you joy before you were in your last relationship. The key here is that you want to become a whole person in your own right before you start dating again.

As you heal and are doing things that bring you joy, you just might meet someone who shares your interests and is a good fit with you.

Make sure that your children are also taking the time to heal from the break up of the family unit. You can’t ignore their needs even if you’re drowning in your own shock and grief. And it’s also difficult to move forward if you’re ready but the kids are not.

Confront Unhealthy Issues in Your Previous Relationship

Now is the time to reflect and work on any unhealthy issues that troubled your last relationship. It’s really important to honestly look at the previous relationship dynamic and see what role you played in that. Close friends may be able to help you with talking this through. I personally sought out a good counselor and it was worth every penny. If money is tight look into local churches. Some churches provide divorce care classes. And you don’t need to be a member of the church to take advantage of them. Talking your issues out with another person is helpful because sometimes you’re blind to how you may have contributed to a bad relationship.

If you’re coming out of a bad relationship you’ll be glad you did the work. You don’t want to make the same relationship mistakes when you’re starting your new single parent dating journey. It will only lead you down similar unhealthy paths.

Make Sure You’re Really Ready to Start Dating Again

Once you feel that you’re ready to start dating again ask yourself this question: Am I ready to deal with the downside of  dating with kids? Because dating isn’t all sunshine and roses. Especially with online dating, there’s a lot of bad behavior going on. You also have to be ready for people who are catfishing. This is why healing yourself before you start dating is so important.

Make sure you’re ready to go into dating with eyes wide open. Don’t take the ghosting and bad behavior personally. And don’t get discouraged. There are good people out there. Maybe you will find someone online, or maybe you’ll find someone while waiting in line at the DMV. You just never know.

Know What You Want

Before you start dating know what you’re looking for. It’s generally a bad idea to jump into dating with the, ‘I’ll know it when I see it’ kind of attitude. Many bad relationships and broken hearts started this way. Why? Because it’s an indication that you may not have clear, strong boundaries just yet. And if you’re starting to date as a single parent, you may be an easier target to someone who does not have good or honest intensions. So if you’re not sure exactly where your boundaries are, hold off on dating until you know.

A simple way to understand what you want, and define some boundaries is to make two lists. Make a list of the things you’re looking for in your future relationship. Make another list of traits or behaviors that are absolute NOs for you. This way you can save yourself from getting too far into a dating relationship that won’t work for you in the long run. These are your dating boundaries. Stick to these boundaries and be strong enough to not be ruled by your emotions alone. You may start dating someone who is charming and attractive, and is sweeping you off your feet. But if he has no patience, and doesn’t particularly like kids you’d be smart to end the relationship before you got in too deep.

Reinvent Yourself

No, I don’t mean completely changing everything about yourself. What I mean is, you’re now in a new role. You’re now in the role of single parent, which you probably have never been in before. Perhaps when you were in your long-term relationship you became too comfortable; too relaxed when it came to putting effort into your looks. But now you’re thinking about dating again. You want to put your best you forward.

Now is the perfect time to get yourself an updated hair style. Go out and buy some new ‘date’ clothes. Head over to the makeup counter at your favorite department store and learn some new makeup techniques. Updating your look will give you a confidence boost, and will surely get you some extra attention.

Be a Confident Single Parent

Being nervous about jumping into dating as a single parent is normal. It tends to be more nerve-racking the longer you’ve been away from dating. But don’t let your nerves scare you away from dating altogether. Doing any new thing is always going to make you nervous. You’re stepping out of your comfort zone. Have confidence in yourself. As long as you approach a new date as an opportunity to meet someone new and enjoy yourself, you’ll do fine. Relax, be confident and have fun. It’s just a date.

Don’t Compare Your Dates to Your Previous Partner

If you had a long-term relationship with your child’s other parent and they broke your trust in some way, it can hard not to compare a new date with them, but try your best not to do it. It’s common to have trust issues if you’ve come out of a relationship where you were deceived. This is why working through your baggage before you date, is so important. Of course don’t be naïve. If a date is throwing up red flags then question his motives. But don’t assume that all new dates are trying to deceive you in some way because your ex was like that. When you start dating, take your date at face value and enjoy their company without projecting your past relationship onto them.

Conversely, if nothing can live up to a past relationship in your mind then you’ll also have difficulty dating as a newly single parent. You might still need more time or counselling before you begin dating. Every relationship that you ever had, and will ever have will be different. You have to be open to new possibilities. As an example, look at Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. A most unlikely pairing, but because of open mindedness and a willingness to try new things they are happily in love.

Take Good Care of Yourself and Your Kids Above All Else

At the end of the day, the best thing that you can do for your family’s happy future is to take things slow. Be the kind of person that you would want to date. Be the person who is confident in who they are as a single parent. And be open to all possibilities. You’ll be glad you did.