Housing for Single Mothers

Housing for Single Mothers

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Are You a Single Parent Struggling to Find Affordable Housing?

Single parents may struggle to secure adequate housing for various reasons, such as limited income or bad credit. But no matter what the reason, single parents still need safe, affordable housing for their families. How do single mom’s afford housing?  Finding affordable housing as a single parent is not easy; but it’s not impossible. Whether you’re a homeowner in financial crisis, or a single parent looking for low income rental housing, there are programs out there that may be able to help you. So let’s take a look at some of the programs that are available to help secure housing for single mothers and single fathers out there.

Your Affordable Housing Search should Start Here

A good place to start your housing search is your local Housing and Urban Development office. You can find out about HUD programs for financially disadvantaged families, and single moms like yourself. While it can take a while to secure safe, affordable housing through these programs, you still want to get on the list even as you’re looking at other options.

Here is a link to HUD listings by state.



Other Programs

Below are some other programs that HUD offers. These programs may be able to help single moms and dads with their housing problems.

  1. Housing Choice Voucher Program

    This program assists very low-income families, such as single parent families so they can afford safe and adequate housing in the private market. Since housing assistance is provided on behalf of the family, single parents are free to find their own housing, including single-family homes, townhouses and apartments so long that they meet the programs requirements. The Program determines an amount and pays the Landlord directly, and the family pays the difference.

    The Housing Choice Voucher Program is run through local Public Housing Agencies(PHAs). The PHAs receive funds from HUD and the PHA’s administer the voucher program.

    Find Your Local Public Housing Agency.

  2. The Home Program

    Can a single mom with low income buy a house?  The Home Program is designed to create affordable housing for single mothers, single fathers, and low-income households in general. Each year it allocates about 2 billion dollars among the States and local agencies. The program was designed to help those in need through things like loan guarantees, direct loans, grants, rental assistance, security deposit assistance, and credit enhancement. Eligibility for the Home Program varies depending on the type of assistance you need. To find out if you are eligible, you need to contact a participating agency in your area.

Don’t Give up Looking for Safe Affordable Housing

It can be very discouraging, at times, trying to secure affordable housing for your family as a single parent. But remember, there are many different programs out there with many different types of eligibility requirements. If you stay positive and continue searching for assistance, your chances of finding safe affordable housing for your family are greatly increased.

Single Parent Tips for a Smooth Running House

Single Parent Tips for a Smooth Running House

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As a single parent, it’s often difficult keeping everything in your household running smoothly. Taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, while trying to have a tiny bit of a life of your own can be hard. And it’s not easy finding help as a single parent without spending large amounts of money.  One of the greatest challenges of being a single parent is: how do you fit it all in?  For the single parent time management is an essential tool.  It takes planning, dedication and commitment to take control of your time and resources so that you can get everything done when it has to be done. If takes some effort but it is well worth it, and it teaches your kids important life skills.

Being a single parent doesn’t mean you are at a disadvantage.  It’s only a disadvantage if you think of it as one.  In fact, some single parent households are more effective at child rearing and running a smooth house than some two-parent households.  Think of how many families you know where the mom and dad cancel each other out because of their opposite parenting styles. Their kids end up running the show, and running amok.  However, when it comes to things such as running errands, transporting the kids and such you need to understand your time constraints and make adjustments.  Now that you’re a single parent you’re the one responsible for all of it; but you can do it!

Here are some tips for making your single parent household run smoother:

Discipline

Teach your children boundaries and discipline from the time they are old enough to understand. This does not mean being overly strict; it means a lovingly structured environment. Teaching your children rules, responsibility and respect when they are young will make a big difference the older they get.  Many newly single parents become very lax about rules, responsibility and respect because they feel overwhelmed. Or they don’t want to be ‘the bad guy’.  Being a single parent is no excuse for failing to instill discipline in your children.  Children thrive in a structured environment and discipline will help them become well adjusted, productive adults.

Communicate

Talk to your children about rules and boundaries, and why they are important.  Let your kids know that you love them and that you discipline out of love for them.  Be positive.  Communicating a feeling of being overwhelmed or fearful of the future is damaging to children.  Use an adult friend to unload your concerns; and remember to keep communication with your children on age appropriate levels.  Keep the lines of communication open with your children.  This can be hard as your kids become teens, but keep letting them know that you’re there for them.  And keep giving them opportunities to talk and confide in you.

Be Diligent

Once you develop your ‘smooth running house’ plan, stick with it.  If the children are responsible for chores, or checking in with you when they get home from school make sure they are given a consequence if they break a rule.  If you are diligent about maintaining the rules and boundaries of the house, the children will soon master the skill of discipline and you will be on your way to a smooth running single parent household.  The REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT is that you will have well adjusted children who grow into adults that have some great life skills; that you instilled in them.

There are many successful single parent families out there; and your family can be one of them.

Single Parent Dating Sites – Are You Being Safe?

Single Parent Dating Sites – Are You Being Safe?

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How Popular are Single Parent Dating Sites?

Dating and the single parent.  Online dating remains one of the most frequently used services on the internet.  While online dating is nothing new, the increase in divorce rates has made single parent dating sites pop up like mushrooms.  And for good reason.  The appeal of using a single parent dating site rather than a more general site like Match.com or e harmony are numerous.  One major reason is that the first level weeding process has already been taken care of and you will already have something in common with the other single parents on the site; kids.  This makes single parent dating sites very popular with single moms and dads.

Why are Single Parents Flocking to Online Dating Sites?

Being a single parent is harder than most people think.  Most newly divorced parents quickly become overwhelmed by the time and energy it takes to raise children as a single parent.  Not to mention the cost.  Hiring a sitter is a luxury that is just not in most single parents’ budgets.

Why don’t single parents date on the weekends that their ex has the kids and they don’t have to worry about a sitter?  The answer is that many single parents are subjected to a cruel joke.  Percentage-wise most single dads are the non-custodial parent and most single moms are the custodial parent.  So this means that when single mom has the weekend off, all the single dads are home taking care of their kids.  And when single dad has his free weekends, all the single moms are home with the kids.

A single mom once joked that she was going to take a second job delivering pizza on the weekends when she didn’t have her kids.  Judging from all the pizza nights her kids had at their dad’s house, she figured delivering pizzas was a sure fire way to meet the single dads in her area!

Are There Dangers with Dating Online as a Single Parent?

Single parents can quickly find themselves isolated and lonely; not a good place to be.  Staying connected to your old friends who are married becomes harder and harder because they just don’t understand what you’re going through.  Connecting with someone who can relate sounds more and more enticing.  Joining a single parent online dating site becomes the solution that more and more single parents choose.  But be aware, being an isolated, lonely single parent has its blind spots and hazards.

Realize that your guard may be down when you interact on single parent dating sites and be careful not to accidentally give away too much information early on which could be dangerous to you and/or your children.

Naturally single parents will want to talk a lot about their kids so it’s extra important to safeguard them from anyone who would do them harm.  And just like on the singles dating sites, some people are not who they present themselves to be.

Being a lonely single parent puts you at a greater risk of being deceived into a close connection and giving up personal details before you know who you’re really dealing with.  In the wrong hands your personal information can put you and your children in harm’s way.

This all may sound discouraging, but before you completely give up trying to connect with other single parents online, there are some things you can do to make it a safer experience.

Single Parent Online Dating Safety Tips

Tip 1 – Don’t create bad karma.  When creating an online profile be honest.  Don’t do things like use your best photo from years gone by that doesn’t even resemble you today.  If you’re 30 pounds heavier, or balding, your ‘white lies’ will come back to haunt you if you connect with someone online worth meeting.  And worse, karma has a way of returning to you what you send out into the universe.  If you don’t want to be deceived online don’t deceive others online.

Tip 2 – As a single parent you need to be sure to maintain the privacy of your kids.  It’s very easy as a single parent to get comfortable and start talking about your children using their real names.  You might later mention their school, and maybe you later talk about your work hours.  The sad fact is that predators are out there online.  Take steps to be sure you don’t put your children in any potential danger by identifying them by name or mentioning the schools they attend.

Tip 3 – Understand that if you spend much of your time online talking about your ex-spouse and what he/she did to you; you’re not over that relationship.  This means you are a high risk candidate for having an unhealthy rebound relationship.  This also means that if you’ve healed and are ready to move forward, you don’t want to get involved with someone who hasn’t let go of their ex-spouse yet.  By avoiding those types you’ll save yourself and your kids a world of pain.

The bottom line is single parent dating sites aren’t the perfect solution but they can be a real benefit for single parents.  Single parent dating sites are about the only viable way a single parent can connect with other single parents after the kids are off to bed without hiring a sitter and cruising the bar scene (which is probably even more dangerous!)  If you understand your vulnerabilities and take precautions, you can feel safe connecting with other single parents online after the children are tucked in bed for the night.  And who knows, you just might find someone special.

What can we Learn from the Meghan Markle Oprah Interview?

What can we Learn from the Meghan Markle Oprah Interview?

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There are 4 key things that anyone, including single parents, can learn from the Oprah interview with Meghan Markle.

  1. We will go to the ends of the earth to protect those we love.
  2. No family is perfect.  Some less perfect than others.  Many families struggle with the same issues.
  3. If you have challenging family members sometimes it’s best to limit exposure to them to stay sane.
  4. When it comes to family: airing grievances to anyone who will listen, and asking people to choose sides is never a good idea long term.  The people it hurts most are the children.

How can I Protect My Child from Negative Situations/Family Members?

Is your child in real or perceived danger? Let’s be honest. Almost all of us can recall a time when we ‘thought’ someone was being toxic, only to reconsider once our own egos have calmed down and got out of the way. If you’re certain that your ego is not clouding your judgement; and there is obvious toxic behavior going on, then you need to start reinforcing your own (and your child’s) boundaries.

First, withdraw support for the family member. Family should support one another but if a toxic person’s behavior will jeopardize your child’s self-esteem, confidence or self-concept then limiting your child’s exposure to toxic family is appropriate. Note: withdrawing support is different than going to battle.

It is a fact, you can’t change anyone else’s behavior. You can only change your own behavior. If someone is violating your boundaries, take a step back and clearly state your boundaries. If that doesn’t work, continue to remove yourself (and your child), a step at a time until your boundaries are secure. Hopefully you won’t have to go completely no contact to achieve this, but you can’t control how far the other person may go to trample your boundaries.

You can’t control someone else, but you can control how far you distance yourself to protect you and your child’s boundaries.

How do I Get Along with Challenging Family Members?

Keep calm and carry on. Many of us have challenging family members. If you are secure within yourself, you don’t need another person’s approval. You also don’t need to prove how ‘right’ you are. If a family member is saying things you disapprove of, it’s not your job to ‘correct’ them. You can say, ‘that’s an interesting point of view’ and move on to another family member who is less challenging.

If you accept the difficult family member for who they are, then you never expect them to act any differently. Once you do that you can truly have compassion for them; and wish for them hope and joy in the future (for everyone’s sake). Sometimes accepting a family member for who they are ‘right now’ – lumps, bumps, negative attitudes and all; is the very thing that lifts them out of their negative attitude and challenging behavior.

Is it Ever OK to go ‘No Contact’ with a Toxic Family Member?

If a family member is truly toxic, you will definitely not change them. On the contrary, they will love for you to try to change them. Your interest in trying to change a toxic person is their cue that you are now caught up in their web of toxicity. Challenging people are just difficult, but toxic people thrive off of sucking the life out of people. Avoid toxic people and do not let them get under your skin or in your head. They find joy in tearing other people down.

The only way of dealing with a truly toxic family member is having no contact with them. But as a compassionate human being you can still wish them healing from afar.

Is it OK to use Social Media to Vent about Challenging Family Members?

This will be a quick paragraph. The answer is NO.

Whatever you put on the internet is there forever (whether you delete it or not). People change, situations change, and thoughts change. At some point in your life you will likely regret venting about family members (or anyone for that matter) online. If you must get it out, start hand writing in a diary or journal.

In conclusion: No matter which side of the Meghan Markle vs. The Queen saga you are on we can all learn from it. Challenging, unhealthy people will come and go throughout the healthiest of lives. And they are looking for a kind, generous person to latch onto. It’s up to you to have strong, healthy boundaries. And it’s up to you to defend those boundaries should someone try to walk all over them.

Are You Ready to Date Again?

Are You Ready to Date Again?

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Getting back on the dating scene can be daunting.  Working up the courage to start dating is tough for many people but can be especially difficult when raising a child alone.  To help you get back in the game, here are some top dating tips from an expert for single parents.

Are You Sure You’re Ready?

Dating is going to be a big step for you and could have an impact on your children, particularly depending on their age. If you’re not 100% ready, then this will be obvious to any potential suitors so be confident in your decision and never feel guilty about allowing yourself the opportunity to find love.

What Kind of Relationship are You Looking For?

Keep in mind that now you have children, relationships may be slightly more complicated than when you were originally single. That’s not to say that you can’t meet somebody amazing – think about what kind of person you are looking for and how they will fit into your lifestyle as it is now

Manage Your Expectations

Don’t expect your perfect partner to fall into your lap after five minutes. Like anything in life, you will need to invest time and effort in order to find somebody you are truly compatible with.

How do Your Children Feel About You Dating?

You don’t want your children directing the process but if they are old enough to understand they can be surprisingly insightful. When you are putting together your profile, they can help with things like choosing photographs or identifying individual qualities or stories about yourself that you may not necessarily be aware of or remember.



How does a Potential Date Feel About Children?

If you meet someone and they are clear, or you have the sense, that they don’t particularly like children then walk away. Your children are wonderfully special and it’s unfair to introduce somebody into their life that doesn’t feel the same way.

Does this Potential Date Have Children of Their Own?

Though it’s by no means vital, having children of their own means that they will usually understand the complications of childcare, scheduling, last minute cancellations and all the other joyous aspects that now accompany your dating life. That said if they don’t have children, then just look for that sense of understanding, and compatibility where raising children is concerned.

Should You Say that You Have Children in Your Profile?

Yes absolutely. Honesty is always the best policy and they are a big part of your life, but keep it simple at this stage. ‘I have two children, a boy and a girl, Adam and Anna, 7 and 9′ is sufïcient.



How Much Should You Involve Your Children in Your Profile?

You are the one looking to find love – not your little one – so make sure your profile picture is of you and you alone.  That said, an image of you and your children later on will provide nice insight into your exiting family dynamic.

How Much Should You Mention Your Children on a Date?

This is especially difficult, as parents we are hardwired to talk about our children and how great they are! Before a date, take the time to remember the things that really make you tick and make an effort to let your date get to know every aspect of your personality. Of course, if the topic of your children naturally comes up, don’t stress out about avoiding it, go with what feels natural and comfortable to you.

How Long Should You Wait Before Introducing a New Partner to Your Children?

There is no set answer here, rather a case-by-case decision on what makes you and your children comfortable. Wherever possible, you should communicate with your children about your current relationship and introduce the idea of a new partner long before the partner themselves. Also, don’t put too much pressure on a first meet. Do something fun and relaxed and let them get to know each other in a natural way.

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4 Challenges of Dating as a Single Parent

4 Challenges of Dating as a Single Parent

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I’m not going to lie, there are challenges when it comes to dating as a single parent.  Being a single parent can cramp your style when it comes to dating if you let it. But don’t let it.  Here are 4 challenges that single parents face when dating, along with some advice on how to overcome them.  Because you owe it to yourself to have a life; and possibly a new relationship.  So follow this advice and you just might find yourself enjoying a few nights out on the town with an attractive companion.  And maybe more…

1. Time

One of the biggest obstacles to single parent dating is time. Without a partner to help you transport, feed and nurture your children, you may find yourself in a non-stop hamster’s wheel of activities, responsibilities and obligations.  And if you have small children, childcare may be an issue. They may already spend large amounts of time in daycare.

Giving yourself permission to get out and enjoy yourself is the first step toward having a regular dating life.  Enlist the help of friends, relatives an older child.  Trade evening babysitting with another single mother so your youngsters can be around people they are comfortable with.



2. Money

Simply put, dating can be expensive.

There are many activities that can be enjoyed without spending large sums of money. A simple picnic, an early movie, skating, hiking, a drive in the country, dinner at home, or a BBQ in the back yard are all activities that can be arranged very inexpensively.  And you’ll probably have a more enjoyable time.

3. Empathy

Not all dates are going to be thrilled with a date who needs to check on her offspring often or who receives multiple phone calls from demanding children or babysitters. The restrictions on how long you can stay out and how far away you can travel may put a damper on an evening with someone who does not have children of their own.

Instead of leaving this to chance, join organizations such as Parents Without Partners.  This can be an excellent way of engaging in family activities and meeting other people, especially those of the opposite sex, who are in your situation. There are also many online dating sites available which are designed specifically for the single parent.

4. Lack of Self-Confidence

Many single parents put all of their energy into taking care of their children and households. By the time they are ready to jump back into the dating arena, they may be out of touch with trends and popular hot spots. They may not have a wardrobe conducive to dating. Their conversation skills may be limited to entertaining a three-year old during snack time. All of this can add up to a general lack of confidence when it comes to re-entering the dating and relationship scene.

It may not sound like a good solution but practice makes perfect.  Sure, making mistakes doesn’t sound like fun, but if you keep trying and keep a positive mindset you will regain your confidence and dating will get easier.  Be patient with yourself.  The worst thing that you could do is to rush into dating anyway.

Be kind to yourself.  Give the dating process plenty of time.  And enjoy the journey.