Single Parent Wealth

How to Cope With Single Parent Stress

05/04/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Don’t let single-parent stress keep you from meeting challenges head-on. Learn how to take care of yourself and your children when doing it alone.

Whether you’ve been a single parent for several weeks or several years, you are not alone. Roughly 17 million children in the U.S. live in single-parent homes, and research suggests that it can take up to three years for a family to adjust to this new lifestyle.

Raising children on your own is challenging, and at times the stress can seem overwhelming. Here is information you can use to help take care of both your children and yourself.

The challenges

It’s hard enough to cope with the emotions a single parent and the children have about a divorce or the death of a partner. But that’s only one of the issues you face when you suddenly find yourself raising kids alone. Other challenges you’re likely to face include:

Getting back into the work force after being a stay-at-home parent
Being unable to make ends meet, even with child support and a steady income
Having no one to share housework and errands
Not having enough time to spend with your children
Finding adequate day care or babysitting
Not having time to socialize, pursue a new relationship, or just relax

Dealing with finances

An alarming number of single-parent households in the U.S. – one in every three headed by a woman and one in every six headed by a man – live below the poverty level. But you don’t need to be living in poverty to be stressed over money.
For instance, your children may have to give up team sports or other activities because the fees are no longer in the budget. Some parents can’t afford health insurance or medication, so children may not have doctor visits. If individual or family counseling is needed, single parents often lack the money to pay for it. And for some parents, just putting food on the table and clothes on their kids’ backs is hard to do.
If you’re having financial problems, these suggestions may help:

Try putting yourself on a budget.
If you’re struggling to make ends meet from one month to the next, consider working with a credit counselor. To find one near you, you can contact the National Foundation for Credit Counseling at 800-388-2227.
Look for ways to cut back. For instance, ask yourself if you really need all those premium cable TV channels. Look at how you and your kids use cell phones. Can you get a cheaper plan that will still meet your needs?
If you can’t make your house payment or rent, think about moving in with a family member until you can get your finances straightened out.

You may also qualify for state or federal assistance for food, health care, day care, counseling, job training, and housing. And there are Federal grants available that help single parents continue their education. Contact your state’s social services department to get information on public assistance in your area.

Child care worries

Finding child care can be a major headache for a single parent. Start by asking friends for references for babysitters. Also, visit day care centers before you make any decisions. Make sure the day care center has an open-door policy that allows parents to visit at any time. And find out what other parents think of the facility.
If your child wakes up with a sore throat or if weather conditions shut down school without warning, will you have a backup plan? Talk to friends and family members to see if anyone you know can help out in a pinch. Also, many corporations, childcare centers, and hospitals offer emergency day care services for children who are mildly sick or whose regular arrangements have fallen through.

Sharing the responsibilities

If you come home from a hard day’s work to find dirty dishes piled in the sink, the garbage can overflowing, and muddy paw prints all over your kitchen floor, you won’t be in the best frame of mind to spend quality time with your kids. Get everyone to help. Assign each child chores and work together for 15 or 30 minutes to get things in order. Then you’ll have time to relax together without clutter and confusion getting in the way.

Keep an eye on your health

Don’t let your other obligations make you neglect your health. Make sure to eat right, get enough rest, and engage in at least 30 minutes of physical activity each day.
Also remember your emotional health. Try to ease the stress in your life by remembering to:

Find time for yourself. Even if just for a short time, relax with a good book, work on a hobby, or unwind by listening to your favorite music.
Get support. Reach out to family members and friends who can take the kids off your hands for a while, drop off a meal, or do a load of laundry for you.
Reach out to other single parents. Find a support group so you can share ideas and thoughts with other parents who have similar problems.
Socialize. Whether your children spend alternating weekends with your ex or you need to recruit your mother to babysit, find a way to get yourself out of the house and into the presence of grownups when you can.

How to Raise a Teenage Boy as a Single Parent

05/04/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

It is very hard being a single parent to a teenage boy. Not only do you have to be kind, caring and nurturing, but also tough, hard and be able to stay in control.

Instructions

First and foremost, the most important thing that you can do as your little boy grows up, is to grow with him. Flexibility is the key tool! As your cute little angel turns into a testosterone filled adolescent – you too, will have a great deal of changing to do.
In the early days, you are the boss; however, little by little, you need to give more and more responsibility. Your ultimate goal here is to become his friend; his confidante.
Boundaries are a big issue. All teenage boys will push these to the very limit. However, many young men that I have spoken to, have all agreed, that when looking back on their teenage years, boundaries set by their parent/s indicated that they were loved and cared for.
Always be attentive and sensitive to your son’s feelings. Boys find opening up extremely difficult. You will probably have to find new ways of talking to your son now. Be patient and do not nag. In addition, always tell your son that you are proud of him and that you love him, no matter how old. Furthermore, support your son in his choices and praise him when he begins to make these; remember, this is a big step in growing up.
As a single parent, it is very important to encourage your teenage son to have good relationships with other people. A grandparent, Uncle, Aunt or a neighbour. This gives your son somebody else to talk to and also provides other role models.
So often we feel that we have actually no impact whatsoever on our teen. However, we must remember that all the good values and morals that you have shown as he has been growing up, will not have gone to waste. Many parents find that some, if not all of these attitudes are emulated by their sons. There is no greater satisfaction than this.
Never allow things to get so far as a shouting match, or worse, violence. Remember, he will be probably taller and much bigger than you. If he strikes out too in a temper, he will regret this for years to come. if you feel the situation getting out of hand…..walk away! Explain that you will discuss the matter at another time, when you are both much calmer. I found that when I tried to talk to my son, I would end up sitting him down, turning the TV off and looking him in the eyes. Every time I did this, no matter what the subject, he would blow up like a fuse and an argument would commence. Since, I have found that he found this tactic too confrontational. Therefore, when I need to discuss matters with him now, I usually begin the conversation when we are in the car or washing up, etc. I seem to receive a better outcome.
It is paramount that you do not talk to your teen. However, it is important that you share conversations and actually listen to what he is telling you. Moreover, understanding that your son does have his own viewpoint and learning to accept and respect this, will add mutual respect to your relationship. Managing a teenage boy is “mission impossible”, although, living with one can be fun!
Finally, as previously stated, but I cannot reiterate this enough – set firm and clear boundaries…..yes teenage boys do need structure.

If a strategy does not work – change it!

Lighten up – take time out together. Ensure that you do something together, either every week or every month, such as going to the cinema, eating out, bowling or even a walk together. I find all sorts out from my son on these occasions. When I have asked, “why did you not tell me that before”, he would retort, “I dunno”.

Remember, life can be hard, what with work and commitments, we sometimes forget what it is like to have fun. So go ahead, grab your son and go have some fun!

Single Parents Dating more than Singles without Children?

05/04/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

According to dating site Match.com, “21% of single parents are currently dating someone versus 16% of singles without kids; 35% of single parents have been on a first date in the past year versus 27% of singles without kids.” Now, these statistics could have been manipulated in a million ways (what does “single” mean exactly, how precisely do you define “dating,” etc.), but the good news is, this means that single parents aren’t moping around sad, lonely and bored. We’re getting out, and as Jezebel’s Anna North put it, “getting it on.”

As a single mother myself, I can attest to the getting it on part. Since I’ve spent the better part of the last two years since my divorce following doing all of the things Match recommends the newly single parent do: compiling a killer wardrobe, maintaining a great hairstyle (one Eat Pray Love author Elizabeth Gilbert described as an “eff you cut“), I seem to have no problem snagging a squire for an evening of romance. What I can’t get is a date.

Let me rephrase that: it’s not that I think I am unable to get a date or that I think I’m not girlfriend material. It’s that I haven’t had a man ask to buy me dinner. That being said, I won’t deny that one of the first thoughts that exploded into my brain and out of my mouth when I knew I was leaving my husband was, “I gave you my 20?s! I had a kid. No one is going to want me now.” It took about a year, but as I devoted more time to To read the entrie article clickmy emotional recovery, health and well-being, I realized I wasn’t “damaged goods,” despite the fact that I felt it and meant it the day that I posted that as my Gchat status circa summer 2009.

To read the entire article click here.

Me-Time and Social Networking for Single Parents

05/02/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Single parenting can be very lonely. It seems that you are in a unique situation – all of your friends are either married or single without children. This puts a barrier between you and them. This is why many single parents are turning to online social networking. Networking sites are a place where you can meet others who are like you; who share your one-of-a-kind joys and sorrows. At these sites, you can read the latest news for single parents, take personality questionnaires, and get involved in a wide variety of interactive activities.

One popular site is I Heart Single Parents. This site can make you feel better as a single parent in many ways. For example, it is here that we learn Michael Jackson’s older brother is currently stuck in Africa and can’t go back to the U.S. as he has missed $90,000 in child support payments. He is thus prohibited from leaving the continent until he pays up. If you are having trouble collecting payments as a single mother, you will probably feel better knowing that if celebrities can be brought to justice, then so can your ex. You can also share your money issues and asset splitting troubles (now that he is comfortably living in Canada, enjoying a couple of Canadian credit cards while you are stuck repaying your joint debt burden in the USA).

To Read the entire article click here.

Are you a Single Parent Swimming Against the Current?

05/02/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

When dealing with your child’s ‘other’ parent, threre is more than one single parent scenario. Some single parents have no contact with the ‘other’ parent and wonder why they don’t want to be a part of their child’s life. While other single parents have disruptive, controlling, abusive ‘other’ parents that they are trying to protect their child from. And all the scenarios in between.

But there is one group of single parents who make life harder than it has to be for everyone involved; especially their children. If your child’s other parent is involved in your child’s life and you two are still bickering, maybe the following article will help you gain some perspective on how little you’re gaining, and how much you are losing, by not putting your past behind you and co-parenting your child.

Parent With The Current

The phrase “single parent” is new for the twenty-first century. Men and women are designed to repopulate and raise their children together, not single-handed. More than offering our X and Y-chromosomes, men and women both bring valuable substance to the table of parenting. Both have their strengths and weaknesses that help develop a child to their full potential. To offer this to our children is priceless.

While this still exists in the twenty-first century, some of us aren’t that lucky. We are called “single parents”. Though unless our husband has died or has totally abandoned the children, we aren’t parenting alone. We just are no longer a two parent, one house family; we are a two-parent two-house family. Most of the arguments in the house are built around “Mom says I can do this” and “Dad says I can do that.” Life is hard for you and confusing to your children. When parenting “single,” we are not alone, but it does seem that we are most of the time because parenting this way is like swimming against a current. It takes all your strength and you can’t do it for long without consequences to both parents and children.

The “current” is the relationship you now have with your ex-spouse. That reflects on your parenting and your relationship with your children, which in turn affects their relationships with others.

We know one house two parents parenting has the best out come for children. We know single parenting does not. A new parenting phrase and way of life has to be created to combine the two.

-One house two parents’ -Two parents working together in the same house to raise children. The two parents stand united.
-Single parenting – Two parents not working together in two houses. Taking every opportunity to negate each other. Two sets of rules for the children because the parents are not united in child rearing.

There is another option.

Single Parents Struggling with Finances – There is Help

05/02/2011 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Help for Single Parents Struggling to Make Ends Meet

There is help for single parents struggling to make ends meet.

There was an old woman

who lived in a shoe,

She had so many children

she didn’t know what to do;

She gave them some broth

without any bread;

She whipped them all soundly

and put them to bed.

Not exactly sound parenting. But who could blame her? All those kids running around – and she obviously had little money. This had to be why they got broth without bread. Sounds like they were all a little on the bratty side, since she felt the need to just give up and put them to bed. And there’s no mention of a father, so apparently, the poor woman had all these kids to raise on her own.

How does a single parent make ends meet? With all the stress that is sure to come when raising kids on your own, the added stress of a mismanaged budget isn’t exactly welcome. Creating a budget is the first step to successful money management, even with a gaggle of kiddos.

To read the entire article click here.