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Here you will find single parent support articles, and advice on how to find support as a single parent.

Happy Single Parents Day!

Happy Single Parents Day!

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mother daughter huggingUnlike Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, it is time set aside to honor those parents who individually strive to create a supportive, loving and secure environment for their children.

On March 21st, National Single Parents Day honors the mothers and fathers holding down the fort with all the hard work, devotion, and sacrifices involved in single parenting. Raising children can be challenging. Doing it without a partner doubles the burden. Whether by choice or circumstance, single parents carry a heavy load. Between work, school, daycare, doctor visits, and the list goes on, one person can only do so much.

Have a Good Single Parent Plan

Have a Good Single Parent Plan

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Becoming a Single Mom or Dad

You may not have started with the plan of being a single mom, but the statistics don’t lie. Becoming a single parent is inevitable for many parents.

Ideally, raising a child involves a full time mother and father, since each bring different strengths and therefore a broader way of attending to the different needs of the child. But when it is no longer possible to keep the nuclear family intact, then it’s better to become a single parent than to sacrifice your emotional and/or physical health; and that of your child’s as well.

If you’re thinking about separating from your child’s other parent, now is the time to start planning for life as a single parent. Making such monumental decisions without a plan can be a disaster. Planning for your future as a single parent helps to ensure that your child will grow up to be an independent and responsible human being despite having only one full time parent.

Where to start

Make a commitment to be an effective single parent. Realize up front that there will be pressures with work and financial responsibilities that will seem overwhelming at the time. However, outside pressure is not an excuse to water down your commitment to raising your child in the healthiest, most loving way possible.

Make your Emotional Needs a High Priority

Experts agree, the best single parents are the ones who make their own emotional needs a high priority. This means maintaining a life that doesn’t completely revolve around your child and being a single mom or dad. Children thrive in an environment where they feel safe, loved, and cared for. If you haven’t taken responsibility and dealt with your own issues, you’ll be stuck in victim mode. To develop a healthy way of relating to the world, your Children need the strength and guidance that only a healthy parent can give them. Since there is a need for you to be strong and healthy for your child, dealing with your own issues first is a must. You don’t necessarily need to go to counseling, but it could definitely help.  Be sure that you have a group of friends or family to provide emotional support so that you don’t lean on your child for support.  Also know that many parents have been right where you are, and they’ve adjusted to their new life just fine.  And in time you will too.

Find your Inner Motivation

It is a must for single parents to find a way to motivate themselves to keep moving forward.  Some days will be tougher than others.  Finding your reason for getting up when you don’t want to; or plowing through a difficult situation will make all the difference.  Many adults become responsible single parents because they have motivated themselves to look for positive things that the situations brought them. Successful, effective single parenting typically follows once the single mom or dad is able to find his or her source of motivation in achieving goals that they’ve set not only for themselves but for the children as well.

Assess your Strengths and Weaknesses

For you to become an effective single parent, you really want to undergo lots of reflection and self-assessment to know what are your strengths and your weaknesses. If you know your strengths as a parent, your child will see that in you and they will believe that you can take care of them even if you are the only parent. It’s also important to address your weaknesses so you know areas in parenting that you should improve on. By know your own weaknesses as a parent, you can turn these into opportunities that will make single parenting more successful for you and for your child.

Choose to be a Single Parent Success

You may not have chosen this journey for yourself and your child, but here you are.  And you can choose to be a great success at being a single parent.  Just set your mind to it and let nothing stop you from being the best single mom or dad. Many single parents have gone down this path before you and succeeded in raising wonderfully adjusted kids.  Set you mind in the right place and let nothing stop you, and you too will be a very successful single parent.

Housing for Single Mothers

Housing for Single Mothers

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Are You a Single Parent Struggling to Find Affordable Housing?

Single parents may struggle to secure adequate housing for various reasons, such as limited income or bad credit. But no matter what the reason, single parents still need safe, affordable housing for their families. How do single mom’s afford housing?  Finding affordable housing as a single parent is not easy; but it’s not impossible. Whether you’re a homeowner in financial crisis, or a single parent looking for low income rental housing, there are programs out there that may be able to help you. So let’s take a look at some of the programs that are available to help secure housing for single mothers and single fathers out there.

Your Affordable Housing Search should Start Here

A good place to start your housing search is your local Housing and Urban Development office. You can find out about HUD programs for financially disadvantaged families, and single moms like yourself. While it can take a while to secure safe, affordable housing through these programs, you still want to get on the list even as you’re looking at other options.

Here is a link to HUD listings by state.



Other Programs

Below are some other programs that HUD offers. These programs may be able to help single moms and dads with their housing problems.

  1. Housing Choice Voucher Program

    This program assists very low-income families, such as single parent families so they can afford safe and adequate housing in the private market. Since housing assistance is provided on behalf of the family, single parents are free to find their own housing, including single-family homes, townhouses and apartments so long that they meet the programs requirements. The Program determines an amount and pays the Landlord directly, and the family pays the difference.

    The Housing Choice Voucher Program is run through local Public Housing Agencies(PHAs). The PHAs receive funds from HUD and the PHA’s administer the voucher program.

    Find Your Local Public Housing Agency.

  2. The Home Program

    Can a single mom with low income buy a house?  The Home Program is designed to create affordable housing for single mothers, single fathers, and low-income households in general. Each year it allocates about 2 billion dollars among the States and local agencies. The program was designed to help those in need through things like loan guarantees, direct loans, grants, rental assistance, security deposit assistance, and credit enhancement. Eligibility for the Home Program varies depending on the type of assistance you need. To find out if you are eligible, you need to contact a participating agency in your area.

Don’t Give up Looking for Safe Affordable Housing

It can be very discouraging, at times, trying to secure affordable housing for your family as a single parent. But remember, there are many different programs out there with many different types of eligibility requirements. If you stay positive and continue searching for assistance, your chances of finding safe affordable housing for your family are greatly increased.

Single Parent Tips for a Smooth Running House

Single Parent Tips for a Smooth Running House

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As a single parent, it’s often difficult keeping everything in your household running smoothly. Taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, while trying to have a tiny bit of a life of your own can be hard. And it’s not easy finding help as a single parent without spending large amounts of money.  One of the greatest challenges of being a single parent is: how do you fit it all in?  For the single parent time management is an essential tool.  It takes planning, dedication and commitment to take control of your time and resources so that you can get everything done when it has to be done. If takes some effort but it is well worth it, and it teaches your kids important life skills.

Being a single parent doesn’t mean you are at a disadvantage.  It’s only a disadvantage if you think of it as one.  In fact, some single parent households are more effective at child rearing and running a smooth house than some two-parent households.  Think of how many families you know where the mom and dad cancel each other out because of their opposite parenting styles. Their kids end up running the show, and running amok.  However, when it comes to things such as running errands, transporting the kids and such you need to understand your time constraints and make adjustments.  Now that you’re a single parent you’re the one responsible for all of it; but you can do it!

Here are some tips for making your single parent household run smoother:

Discipline

Teach your children boundaries and discipline from the time they are old enough to understand. This does not mean being overly strict; it means a lovingly structured environment. Teaching your children rules, responsibility and respect when they are young will make a big difference the older they get.  Many newly single parents become very lax about rules, responsibility and respect because they feel overwhelmed. Or they don’t want to be ‘the bad guy’.  Being a single parent is no excuse for failing to instill discipline in your children.  Children thrive in a structured environment and discipline will help them become well adjusted, productive adults.

Communicate

Talk to your children about rules and boundaries, and why they are important.  Let your kids know that you love them and that you discipline out of love for them.  Be positive.  Communicating a feeling of being overwhelmed or fearful of the future is damaging to children.  Use an adult friend to unload your concerns; and remember to keep communication with your children on age appropriate levels.  Keep the lines of communication open with your children.  This can be hard as your kids become teens, but keep letting them know that you’re there for them.  And keep giving them opportunities to talk and confide in you.

Be Diligent

Once you develop your ‘smooth running house’ plan, stick with it.  If the children are responsible for chores, or checking in with you when they get home from school make sure they are given a consequence if they break a rule.  If you are diligent about maintaining the rules and boundaries of the house, the children will soon master the skill of discipline and you will be on your way to a smooth running single parent household.  The REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT is that you will have well adjusted children who grow into adults that have some great life skills; that you instilled in them.

There are many successful single parent families out there; and your family can be one of them.

What can we Learn from the Meghan Markle Oprah Interview?

What can we Learn from the Meghan Markle Oprah Interview?

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There are 4 key things that anyone, including single parents, can learn from the Oprah interview with Meghan Markle.

  1. We will go to the ends of the earth to protect those we love.
  2. No family is perfect.  Some less perfect than others.  Many families struggle with the same issues.
  3. If you have challenging family members sometimes it’s best to limit exposure to them to stay sane.
  4. When it comes to family: airing grievances to anyone who will listen, and asking people to choose sides is never a good idea long term.  The people it hurts most are the children.

How can I Protect My Child from Negative Situations/Family Members?

Is your child in real or perceived danger? Let’s be honest. Almost all of us can recall a time when we ‘thought’ someone was being toxic, only to reconsider once our own egos have calmed down and got out of the way. If you’re certain that your ego is not clouding your judgement; and there is obvious toxic behavior going on, then you need to start reinforcing your own (and your child’s) boundaries.

First, withdraw support for the family member. Family should support one another but if a toxic person’s behavior will jeopardize your child’s self-esteem, confidence or self-concept then limiting your child’s exposure to toxic family is appropriate. Note: withdrawing support is different than going to battle.

It is a fact, you can’t change anyone else’s behavior. You can only change your own behavior. If someone is violating your boundaries, take a step back and clearly state your boundaries. If that doesn’t work, continue to remove yourself (and your child), a step at a time until your boundaries are secure. Hopefully you won’t have to go completely no contact to achieve this, but you can’t control how far the other person may go to trample your boundaries.

You can’t control someone else, but you can control how far you distance yourself to protect you and your child’s boundaries.

How do I Get Along with Challenging Family Members?

Keep calm and carry on. Many of us have challenging family members. If you are secure within yourself, you don’t need another person’s approval. You also don’t need to prove how ‘right’ you are. If a family member is saying things you disapprove of, it’s not your job to ‘correct’ them. You can say, ‘that’s an interesting point of view’ and move on to another family member who is less challenging.

If you accept the difficult family member for who they are, then you never expect them to act any differently. Once you do that you can truly have compassion for them; and wish for them hope and joy in the future (for everyone’s sake). Sometimes accepting a family member for who they are ‘right now’ – lumps, bumps, negative attitudes and all; is the very thing that lifts them out of their negative attitude and challenging behavior.

Is it Ever OK to go ‘No Contact’ with a Toxic Family Member?

If a family member is truly toxic, you will definitely not change them. On the contrary, they will love for you to try to change them. Your interest in trying to change a toxic person is their cue that you are now caught up in their web of toxicity. Challenging people are just difficult, but toxic people thrive off of sucking the life out of people. Avoid toxic people and do not let them get under your skin or in your head. They find joy in tearing other people down.

The only way of dealing with a truly toxic family member is having no contact with them. But as a compassionate human being you can still wish them healing from afar.

Is it OK to use Social Media to Vent about Challenging Family Members?

This will be a quick paragraph. The answer is NO.

Whatever you put on the internet is there forever (whether you delete it or not). People change, situations change, and thoughts change. At some point in your life you will likely regret venting about family members (or anyone for that matter) online. If you must get it out, start hand writing in a diary or journal.

In conclusion: No matter which side of the Meghan Markle vs. The Queen saga you are on we can all learn from it. Challenging, unhealthy people will come and go throughout the healthiest of lives. And they are looking for a kind, generous person to latch onto. It’s up to you to have strong, healthy boundaries. And it’s up to you to defend those boundaries should someone try to walk all over them.

10 Single Parent Quotes

10 Single Parent Quotes

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Here are 10 anonymous quotes about being a single parent.  I hope they encourage you.

1. I didn’t set out to be a single parent.  I set out to be the best parent that I can be … and that hasn’t changed.

2. Being a single parent is twice the work, twice the stress, and twice the tears; but it’s also twice the love, twice the hugs and twice the pride.

3. There is nobody stronger than a single parent.

4. As a single parent, some days you have no idea how you’re going to do it.  But every single day it still gets done.

5. Being a single parent is hard.  But it’s better to be a parent by yourself than to do it with someone who doesn’t want to be a parent at all.



6. When the wrong people leave your life, the right things start to happen.

7. Anyone can have a child and call themselves a parent.  But a real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish wants and needs.

8. I’m a single parent.  What’s your Super Power?

9. I pretend that being a single parent isn’t as hard as people say; but it’s the hardest loneliest struggle I’ve every been through.

10. Being a single parent made me stronger than ever before.