Dating Archives - Single Parent Wealth

Single Parent Dating Advice – Before You Date

05/05/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

If you’re a newly single parent, the thought of jumping back into dating can seem terrifying. But as you settle into your new role, dating again may start to be something that you want to do. When that time comes it’s common to have lots of questions and worry about things like: How will my kids react to me dating? When is a good time to start dating as a single parent? Is single parent dating even worth it?

If you have questions about dating as a single parent below is some advice that will help you on your new journey into the world of dating with kids.

Wait a Year Before You Start Dating

It may seem hard for many but waiting a year is ideal (six months at the very least). The reason that a year is ideal is that you’ll have gone through all of the holidays and birthdays at least once on your own. Getting through those major events on your own at least once will give you so much strength and confidence in any future relationship. It also saves you from potentially turning a good partner away by subjecting him to unresolved issues that he has nothing to do with.

Of course situations vary, but if you’re a single parent because of the death or divorce of a long term partner you need time to heal. Truly the best scenario for you and your kids is to go to some type of counselling to process the grief and/or hurt feelings that you now face because of your new single parent situation. Getting involved in your own interests is also a very healthy thing to do before you start dating again. You may rediscover things that once brought you joy before you were in your last relationship. The key here is that you want to become a whole person in your own right before you start dating again.

As you heal and are doing things that bring you joy, you just might meet someone who shares your interests and is a good fit with you.

Make sure that your children are also taking the time to heal from the break up of the family unit. You can’t ignore their needs even if you’re drowning in your own shock and grief. And it’s also difficult to move forward if you’re ready but the kids are not.

Confront Unhealthy Issues in Your Previous Relationship

Now is the time to reflect and work on any unhealthy issues that troubled your last relationship. It’s really important to honestly look at the previous relationship dynamic and see what role you played in that. Close friends may be able to help you with talking this through. I personally sought out a good counselor and it was worth every penny. If money is tight look into local churches. Some churches provide divorce care classes. And you don’t need to be a member of the church to take advantage of them. Talking your issues out with another person is helpful because sometimes you’re blind to how you may have contributed to a bad relationship.

If you’re coming out of a bad relationship you’ll be glad you did the work. You don’t want to make the same relationship mistakes when you’re starting your new single parent dating journey. It will only lead you down similar unhealthy paths.

Make Sure You’re Really Ready to Start Dating Again

Once you feel that you’re ready to start dating again ask yourself this question: Am I ready to deal with the downside of dating with kids? Because dating isn’t all sunshine and roses. Especially with online dating, there’s a lot of bad behavior going on. You also have to be ready for people who are catfishing. This is why healing yourself before you start dating is so important.

Make sure you’re ready to go into dating with eyes wide open. Don’t take the ghosting and bad behavior personally. And don’t get discouraged. There are good people out there. Maybe you will find someone online, or maybe you’ll find someone while waiting in line at the DMV. You just never know.

Know What You Want

Before you start dating know what you’re looking for. It’s generally a bad idea to jump into dating with the, ‘I’ll know it when I see it’ kind of attitude. Many bad relationships and broken hearts started this way. Why? Because it’s an indication that you may not have clear, strong boundaries just yet. And if you’re starting to date as a single parent, you may be an easier target to someone who does not have good or honest intensions. So if you’re not sure exactly where your boundaries are, hold off on dating until you know.

A simple way to understand what you want, and define some boundaries is to make two lists. Make a list of the things you’re looking for in your future relationship. Make another list of traits or behaviors that are absolute NOs for you. This way you can save yourself from getting too far into a dating relationship that won’t work for you in the long run. These are your dating boundaries. Stick to these boundaries and be strong enough to not be ruled by your emotions alone. You may start dating someone who is charming and attractive, and is sweeping you off your feet. But if he has no patience, and doesn’t particularly like kids you’d be smart to end the relationship before you got in too deep.

Reinvent Yourself

No, I don’t mean completely changing everything about yourself. What I mean is, you’re now in a new role. You’re now in the role of single parent, which you probably have never been in before. Perhaps when you were in your long-term relationship you became too comfortable; too relaxed when it came to putting effort into your looks. But now you’re thinking about dating again. You want to put your best you forward.

Now is the perfect time to get yourself an updated hair style. Go out and buy some new ‘date’ clothes. Head over to the makeup counter at your favorite department store and learn some new makeup techniques. Updating your look will give you a confidence boost, and will surely get you some extra attention.

Be a Confident Single Parent

Being nervous about jumping into dating as a single parent is normal. It tends to be more nerve-racking the longer you’ve been away from dating. But don’t let your nerves scare you away from dating altogether. Doing any new thing is always going to make you nervous. You’re stepping out of your comfort zone. Have confidence in yourself. As long as you approach a new date as an opportunity to meet someone new and enjoy yourself, you’ll do fine. Relax, be confident and have fun. It’s just a date.

Don’t Compare Your Dates to Your Previous Partner

If you had a long-term relationship with your child’s other parent and they broke your trust in some way, it can hard not to compare a new date with them, but try your best not to do it. It’s common to have trust issues if you’ve come out of a relationship where you were deceived. This is why working through your baggage before you date, is so important. Of course don’t be naïve. If a date is throwing up red flags then question his motives. But don’t assume that all new dates are trying to deceive you in some way because your ex was like that. When you start dating, take your date at face value and enjoy their company without projecting your past relationship onto them.

Conversely, if nothing can live up to a past relationship in your mind then you’ll also have difficulty dating as a newly single parent. You might still need more time or counselling before you begin dating. Every relationship that you ever had, and will ever have will be different. You have to be open to new possibilities. As an example, look at Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. A most unlikely pairing, but because of open mindedness and a willingness to try new things they are happily in love.

Take Good Care of Yourself and Your Kids Above All Else

At the end of the day, the best thing that you can do for your family’s happy future is to take things slow. Be the kind of person that you would want to date. Be the person who is confident in who they are as a single parent. And be open to all possibilities. You’ll be glad you did.

Single Parent Dating Advice

03/18/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

How Hard Can it Be?

Is it hard dating as a single parent?

Although dating at any age can be a challenge, often times it is more challenging for a single parent to get out there and meet new people. But dating as a single parent doesn’t have to be as difficult as it sounds. There are many small things that can be done to help you, as a single parent meet singles and maybe begin a relationship.

Don’t Become a Hermit

How do single moms get time to date?

Dating can be difficult for both the single parent and the child, but there are a few things to keep in mind when beginning dating. First and foremost, make time to take care of yourself. Make taking care of yourself a top priority. People who take the time to properly care for themselves show that they also have the ability to take care of another person in a relationship. It is always easier to take care of someone else, after you have taken care of yourself.

Another thing to keep in mind is to make an attempt to get out of the house regularly and create a wider circle of friends. Get some exercise by walking around your neighborhood daily. You will start seeing the same people, and can develop new friends who are also your neighbors. And maybe you will also meet other single parents that you can potentially swap babysitting duties with. Also, by allowing the kids some time with friends or family, moms can free up an evening (or late afternoon) for a date. Getting out of the house increases your chances of meeting new people who could potentially be a great person to go on a date with. By getting out of the house you will also train your children to be fine with you not being the only person who can care for them. Many single parents want to get out more but feel guilty about leaving their children with someone else. Don’t fall into that trap. It can be as unhealthy for the children as it is for you.

Try an Online Dating Site

What is the best dating site for single parents?

While some people have an aversion to online dating apps (and prefer church/neighborhood groups or friend referrals to find potential dates), many more people turn to online dating to meet people.

For single parents online dating apps can make it easier to find people who share similar interests. By meeting people at an online dating site, it allows you to narrow down the qualities that you find attractive in people from the comfort of your home. The most important thing to keep in mind is to be honest with your online dating profile. Your qualities will bring enough people to your profile; there isn’t a need to exaggerate them. Being yourself is always the best approach. Another thing to keep in mind when creating your profile is the profile picture. Always make sure to include two or three photos to prove that you are who you say that you are. It is also important to make sure that it is a clear high quality photo as many people may skip over blurry photos.

So what is the best dating site for single parents? Well, the best site all depends on what you’re looking for. If you want to get back into a serious relationship you might want to stick to the older/established sites like eharmony or match.com. If you’re looking for something else; maybe just flirtatious chit chat after the little ones go to bed, you might want to try other sites. It really depends on what you’re looking for and how much you want to spend if you decide on a paid dating site.

A word of caution. When dating online be very careful about giving out any private information; or any information about your children. While there are up front people (just like yourself) online; there are also those that are not what they seem. At the very least do an online search on a potential date before you agree to meet up.

Take it Slow

Taking dating slow is the way to go. If someone you just met (online or otherwise) seems too good to be true; or is rushing things in the relationship slow things down because this is a potential red flag. As a single mom recognize that you might be vulnerable and an easier target for someone to take advantage of you. If you start dating someone who you think is so perfect for you, then they will understand that the healthy thing to do is to take the relationship slow. Letting new relationships progress at a slower pace will also help your children get used to this new person in your life before they have to accept him in their lives.

Don’t Get Discouraged

In this day and age it seems it’s getting harder and harder to meet quality people to date. And there are added health issues with meeting up with new people. Don’t be discouraged though. Take time to work on yourself and the relationships that you do have. And lean into your faith. The more content you are with yourself, the more attractive you will be to others.

Single Parent Dating Sites – Are You Being Safe?

03/10/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

How Popular are Single Parent Dating Sites?

Dating and the single parent. Online dating remains one of the most frequently used services on the internet. While online dating is nothing new, the increase in divorce rates has made single parent dating sites pop up like mushrooms. And for good reason. The appeal of using a single parent dating site rather than a more general site like Match.com or e harmony are numerous. One major reason is that the first level weeding process has already been taken care of and you will already have something in common with the other single parents on the site; kids. This makes single parent dating sites very popular with single moms and dads.

Why are Single Parents Flocking to Online Dating Sites?

Being a single parent is harder than most people think. Most newly divorced parents quickly become overwhelmed by the time and energy it takes to raise children as a single parent. Not to mention the cost. Hiring a sitter is a luxury that is just not in most single parents’ budgets.

Why don’t single parents date on the weekends that their ex has the kids and they don’t have to worry about a sitter? The answer is that many single parents are subjected to a cruel joke. Percentage-wise most single dads are the non-custodial parent and most single moms are the custodial parent. So this means that when single mom has the weekend off, all the single dads are home taking care of their kids. And when single dad has his free weekends, all the single moms are home with the kids.

A single mom once joked that she was going to take a second job delivering pizza on the weekends when she didn’t have her kids. Judging from all the pizza nights her kids had at their dad’s house, she figured delivering pizzas was a sure fire way to meet the single dads in her area!

Are There Dangers with Dating Online as a Single Parent?

Single parents can quickly find themselves isolated and lonely; not a good place to be. Staying connected to your old friends who are married becomes harder and harder because they just don’t understand what you’re going through. Connecting with someone who can relate sounds more and more enticing. Joining a single parent online dating site becomes the solution that more and more single parents choose. But be aware, being an isolated, lonely single parent has its blind spots and hazards.

Realize that your guard may be down when you interact on single parent dating sites and be careful not to accidentally give away too much information early on which could be dangerous to you and/or your children.

Naturally single parents will want to talk a lot about their kids so it’s extra important to safeguard them from anyone who would do them harm. And just like on the singles dating sites, some people are not who they present themselves to be.

Being a lonely single parent puts you at a greater risk of being deceived into a close connection and giving up personal details before you know who you’re really dealing with. In the wrong hands your personal information can put you and your children in harm’s way.

This all may sound discouraging, but before you completely give up trying to connect with other single parents online, there are some things you can do to make it a safer experience.

Single Parent Online Dating Safety Tips

Tip 1 – Don’t create bad karma. When creating an online profile be honest. Don’t do things like use your best photo from years gone by that doesn’t even resemble you today. If you’re 30 pounds heavier, or balding, your ‘white lies’ will come back to haunt you if you connect with someone online worth meeting. And worse, karma has a way of returning to you what you send out into the universe. If you don’t want to be deceived online don’t deceive others online.

Tip 2 – As a single parent you need to be sure to maintain the privacy of your kids. It’s very easy as a single parent to get comfortable and start talking about your children using their real names. You might later mention their school, and maybe you later talk about your work hours. The sad fact is that predators are out there online. Take steps to be sure you don’t put your children in any potential danger by identifying them by name or mentioning the schools they attend.

Tip 3 – Understand that if you spend much of your time online talking about your ex-spouse and what he/she did to you; you’re not over that relationship. This means you are a high risk candidate for having an unhealthy rebound relationship. This also means that if you’ve healed and are ready to move forward, you don’t want to get involved with someone who hasn’t let go of their ex-spouse yet. By avoiding those types you’ll save yourself and your kids a world of pain.

The bottom line is single parent dating sites aren’t the perfect solution but they can be a real benefit for single parents. Single parent dating sites are about the only viable way a single parent can connect with other single parents after the kids are off to bed without hiring a sitter and cruising the bar scene (which is probably even more dangerous!) If you understand your vulnerabilities and take precautions, you can feel safe connecting with other single parents online after the children are tucked in bed for the night. And who knows, you just might find someone special.

Are You Ready to Date Again?

03/06/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Getting back on the dating scene can be daunting. Working up the courage to start dating is tough for many people but can be especially difficult when raising a child alone. To help you get back in the game, here are some top dating tips from an expert for single parents.

Are You Sure You’re Ready?

Dating is going to be a big step for you and could have an impact on your children, particularly depending on their age. If you’re not 100% ready, then this will be obvious to any potential suitors so be confident in your decision and never feel guilty about allowing yourself the opportunity to find love.

What Kind of Relationship are You Looking For?

Keep in mind that now you have children, relationships may be slightly more complicated than when you were originally single. That’s not to say that you can’t meet somebody amazing – think about what kind of person you are looking for and how they will fit into your lifestyle as it is now

Manage Your Expectations

Don’t expect your perfect partner to fall into your lap after five minutes. Like anything in life, you will need to invest time and effort in order to find somebody you are truly compatible with.

How do Your Children Feel About You Dating?

You don’t want your children directing the process but if they are old enough to understand they can be surprisingly insightful. When you are putting together your profile, they can help with things like choosing photographs or identifying individual qualities or stories about yourself that you may not necessarily be aware of or remember.

How does a Potential Date Feel About Children?

If you meet someone and they are clear, or you have the sense, that they don’t particularly like children then walk away. Your children are wonderfully special and it’s unfair to introduce somebody into their life that doesn’t feel the same way.

Does this Potential Date Have Children of Their Own?

Though it’s by no means vital, having children of their own means that they will usually understand the complications of childcare, scheduling, last minute cancellations and all the other joyous aspects that now accompany your dating life. That said if they don’t have children, then just look for that sense of understanding, and compatibility where raising children is concerned.

Should You Say that You Have Children in Your Profile?

Yes absolutely. Honesty is always the best policy and they are a big part of your life, but keep it simple at this stage. ‘I have two children, a boy and a girl, Adam and Anna, 7 and 9′ is sufïcient.

How Much Should You Involve Your Children in Your Profile?

You are the one looking to find love – not your little one – so make sure your profile picture is of you and you alone. That said, an image of you and your children later on will provide nice insight into your exiting family dynamic.

How Much Should You Mention Your Children on a Date?

This is especially difficult, as parents we are hardwired to talk about our children and how great they are! Before a date, take the time to remember the things that really make you tick and make an effort to let your date get to know every aspect of your personality. Of course, if the topic of your children naturally comes up, don’t stress out about avoiding it, go with what feels natural and comfortable to you.

How Long Should You Wait Before Introducing a New Partner to Your Children?

There is no set answer here, rather a case-by-case decision on what makes you and your children comfortable. Wherever possible, you should communicate with your children about your current relationship and introduce the idea of a new partner long before the partner themselves. Also, don’t put too much pressure on a first meet. Do something fun and relaxed and let them get to know each other in a natural way.

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4 Challenges of Dating as a Single Parent

03/04/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

I’m not going to lie, there are challenges when it comes to dating as a single parent. Being a single parent can cramp your style when it comes to dating if you let it. But don’t let it. Here are 4 challenges that single parents face when dating, along with some advice on how to overcome them. Because you owe it to yourself to have a life; and possibly a new relationship. So follow this advice and you just might find yourself enjoying a few nights out on the town with an attractive companion. And maybe more…

1. Time

One of the biggest obstacles to single parent dating is time. Without a partner to help you transport, feed and nurture your children, you may find yourself in a non-stop hamster’s wheel of activities, responsibilities and obligations. And if you have small children, childcare may be an issue. They may already spend large amounts of time in daycare.

Giving yourself permission to get out and enjoy yourself is the first step toward having a regular dating life. Enlist the help of friends, relatives an older child. Trade evening babysitting with another single mother so your youngsters can be around people they are comfortable with.

2. Money

Simply put, dating can be expensive.

There are many activities that can be enjoyed without spending large sums of money. A simple picnic, an early movie, skating, hiking, a drive in the country, dinner at home, or a BBQ in the back yard are all activities that can be arranged very inexpensively. And you’ll probably have a more enjoyable time.

3. Empathy

Not all dates are going to be thrilled with a date who needs to check on her offspring often or who receives multiple phone calls from demanding children or babysitters. The restrictions on how long you can stay out and how far away you can travel may put a damper on an evening with someone who does not have children of their own.

Instead of leaving this to chance, join organizations such as Parents Without Partners. This can be an excellent way of engaging in family activities and meeting other people, especially those of the opposite sex, who are in your situation. There are also many online dating sites available which are designed specifically for the single parent.

4. Lack of Self-Confidence

Many single parents put all of their energy into taking care of their children and households. By the time they are ready to jump back into the dating arena, they may be out of touch with trends and popular hot spots. They may not have a wardrobe conducive to dating. Their conversation skills may be limited to entertaining a three-year old during snack time. All of this can add up to a general lack of confidence when it comes to re-entering the dating and relationship scene.

It may not sound like a good solution but practice makes perfect. Sure, making mistakes doesn’t sound like fun, but if you keep trying and keep a positive mindset you will regain your confidence and dating will get easier. Be patient with yourself. The worst thing that you could do is to rush into dating anyway.

Be kind to yourself. Give the dating process plenty of time. And enjoy the journey.

Ready to Start Dating Again?

06/25/2012 Donna Comments 0 Comment

As a single parent, you probably have very little free time, so dating must seem like an impossible task. Yet, single parents are dating in unprecedented numbers. So, if you are looking for adult companionship, you are very likely to find it. But just like everything in life; rules can protect us from potential harm.

Smart Single Parent Dating Rules

As a responsible parent, you will want to be very cautious about whom you date, and eventually bring home, for the safety and well-being of your children. You may feel guilty or unsure about whether dating is okay. But, of course it is .. as long as you do it responsibly, and your children are not disrupted by your dating life.

Single parent dating involves finding a quality person you like, who likes you and who is comfortable with your children. These extra dynamics can be frustrating, but should not be ignored or overlooked. Pressuring your children to like your date, and going too fast for them to get comfortable with the situation, will create unnecessary trouble.

Because today’s society is very mobile, it is easy for people who are not savory to hide their backgrounds. Getting to know people as friends before dating increases the safety of dating and meeting new people. To maximize safety, choose group activities, daytime activities with the children, and stay in public places until you establish your date’s character.

Meeting other single parents at a PTA meeting, church, school or sporting events are all great ways to begin. The public setting provides safety, a chance to get to know the other person and a chance to find out what others think of your date.

- - Meeting his or her children, or other family members, will quickly reveal their values and attitudes. When your children meet another parent, an adult friend, or a church or temple member rather than a date, it is much less threatening to them.
- - Children are not the only ones who need rules to follow. If the adults involved do the right thing automatically, they are following their own internal rules. But, if their behavior is not suitable for you and your children, then you need to inform them of your rules.

Setting and keeping rules may sound like a drag, but sensible and reasonable guidelines are helpful. When everyone knows what is expected of them, they will feel respected and secure.