Donna, Author at Single Parent Wealth

Have a Good Single Parent Plan

03/20/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Becoming a Single Mom or Dad

You may not have started with the plan of being a single mom, but the statistics don’t lie. Becoming a single parent is inevitable for many parents.

Ideally, raising a child involves a full time mother and father, since each bring different strengths and therefore a broader way of attending to the different needs of the child. But when it is no longer possible to keep the nuclear family intact, then it’s better to become a single parent than to sacrifice your emotional and/or physical health; and that of your child’s as well.

If you’re thinking about separating from your child’s other parent, now is the time to start planning for life as a single parent. Making such monumental decisions without a plan can be a disaster. Planning for your future as a single parent helps to ensure that your child will grow up to be an independent and responsible human being despite having only one full time parent.

Where to start

Make a commitment to be an effective single parent. Realize up front that there will be pressures with work and financial responsibilities that will seem overwhelming at the time. However, outside pressure is not an excuse to water down your commitment to raising your child in the healthiest, most loving way possible.

Make your Emotional Needs a High Priority

Experts agree, the best single parents are the ones who make their own emotional needs a high priority. This means maintaining a life that doesn’t completely revolve around your child and being a single mom or dad. Children thrive in an environment where they feel safe, loved, and cared for. If you haven’t taken responsibility and dealt with your own issues, you’ll be stuck in victim mode. To develop a healthy way of relating to the world, your Children need the strength and guidance that only a healthy parent can give them. Since there is a need for you to be strong and healthy for your child, dealing with your own issues first is a must. You don’t necessarily need to go to counseling, but it could definitely help. Be sure that you have a group of friends or family to provide emotional support so that you don’t lean on your child for support. Also know that many parents have been right where you are, and they’ve adjusted to their new life just fine. And in time you will too.

Find your Inner Motivation

It is a must for single parents to find a way to motivate themselves to keep moving forward. Some days will be tougher than others. Finding your reason for getting up when you don’t want to; or plowing through a difficult situation will make all the difference. Many adults become responsible single parents because they have motivated themselves to look for positive things that the situations brought them. Successful, effective single parenting typically follows once the single mom or dad is able to find his or her source of motivation in achieving goals that they’ve set not only for themselves but for the children as well.

Assess your Strengths and Weaknesses

For you to become an effective single parent, you really want to undergo lots of reflection and self-assessment to know what are your strengths and your weaknesses. If you know your strengths as a parent, your child will see that in you and they will believe that you can take care of them even if you are the only parent. It’s also important to address your weaknesses so you know areas in parenting that you should improve on. By know your own weaknesses as a parent, you can turn these into opportunities that will make single parenting more successful for you and for your child.

Choose to be a Single Parent Success

You may not have chosen this journey for yourself and your child, but here you are. And you can choose to be a great success at being a single parent. Just set your mind to it and let nothing stop you from being the best single mom or dad. Many single parents have gone down this path before you and succeeded in raising wonderfully adjusted kids. Set you mind in the right place and let nothing stop you, and you too will be a very successful single parent.

Single Parent Dating Advice

03/18/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

How Hard Can it Be?

Is it hard dating as a single parent?

Although dating at any age can be a challenge, often times it is more challenging for a single parent to get out there and meet new people. But dating as a single parent doesn’t have to be as difficult as it sounds. There are many small things that can be done to help you, as a single parent meet singles and maybe begin a relationship.

Don’t Become a Hermit

How do single moms get time to date?

Dating can be difficult for both the single parent and the child, but there are a few things to keep in mind when beginning dating. First and foremost, make time to take care of yourself. Make taking care of yourself a top priority. People who take the time to properly care for themselves show that they also have the ability to take care of another person in a relationship. It is always easier to take care of someone else, after you have taken care of yourself.

Another thing to keep in mind is to make an attempt to get out of the house regularly and create a wider circle of friends. Get some exercise by walking around your neighborhood daily. You will start seeing the same people, and can develop new friends who are also your neighbors. And maybe you will also meet other single parents that you can potentially swap babysitting duties with. Also, by allowing the kids some time with friends or family, moms can free up an evening (or late afternoon) for a date. Getting out of the house increases your chances of meeting new people who could potentially be a great person to go on a date with. By getting out of the house you will also train your children to be fine with you not being the only person who can care for them. Many single parents want to get out more but feel guilty about leaving their children with someone else. Don’t fall into that trap. It can be as unhealthy for the children as it is for you.

Try an Online Dating Site

What is the best dating site for single parents?

While some people have an aversion to online dating apps (and prefer church/neighborhood groups or friend referrals to find potential dates), many more people turn to online dating to meet people.

For single parents online dating apps can make it easier to find people who share similar interests. By meeting people at an online dating site, it allows you to narrow down the qualities that you find attractive in people from the comfort of your home. The most important thing to keep in mind is to be honest with your online dating profile. Your qualities will bring enough people to your profile; there isn’t a need to exaggerate them. Being yourself is always the best approach. Another thing to keep in mind when creating your profile is the profile picture. Always make sure to include two or three photos to prove that you are who you say that you are. It is also important to make sure that it is a clear high quality photo as many people may skip over blurry photos.

So what is the best dating site for single parents? Well, the best site all depends on what you’re looking for. If you want to get back into a serious relationship you might want to stick to the older/established sites like eharmony or match.com. If you’re looking for something else; maybe just flirtatious chit chat after the little ones go to bed, you might want to try other sites. It really depends on what you’re looking for and how much you want to spend if you decide on a paid dating site.

A word of caution. When dating online be very careful about giving out any private information; or any information about your children. While there are up front people (just like yourself) online; there are also those that are not what they seem. At the very least do an online search on a potential date before you agree to meet up.

Take it Slow

Taking dating slow is the way to go. If someone you just met (online or otherwise) seems too good to be true; or is rushing things in the relationship slow things down because this is a potential red flag. As a single mom recognize that you might be vulnerable and an easier target for someone to take advantage of you. If you start dating someone who you think is so perfect for you, then they will understand that the healthy thing to do is to take the relationship slow. Letting new relationships progress at a slower pace will also help your children get used to this new person in your life before they have to accept him in their lives.

Don’t Get Discouraged

In this day and age it seems it’s getting harder and harder to meet quality people to date. And there are added health issues with meeting up with new people. Don’t be discouraged though. Take time to work on yourself and the relationships that you do have. And lean into your faith. The more content you are with yourself, the more attractive you will be to others.

Housing for Single Mothers

03/18/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Are You a Single Parent Struggling to Find Affordable Housing?

Single parents may struggle to secure adequate housing for various reasons, such as limited income or bad credit. But no matter what the reason, single parents still need safe, affordable housing for their families. How do single mom’s afford housing? Finding affordable housing as a single parent is not easy; but it’s not impossible. Whether you’re a homeowner in financial crisis, or a single parent looking for low income rental housing, there are programs out there that may be able to help you. So let’s take a look at some of the programs that are available to help secure housing for single mothers and single fathers out there.

Your Affordable Housing Search should Start Here

A good place to start your housing search is your local Housing and Urban Development office. You can find out about HUD programs for financially disadvantaged families, and single moms like yourself. While it can take a while to secure safe, affordable housing through these programs, you still want to get on the list even as you’re looking at other options.

Here is a link to HUD listings by state.

Other Programs

Below are some other programs that HUD offers. These programs may be able to help single moms and dads with their housing problems.

Housing Choice Voucher Program

This program assists very low-income families, such as single parent families so they can afford safe and adequate housing in the private market. Since housing assistance is provided on behalf of the family, single parents are free to find their own housing, including single-family homes, townhouses and apartments so long that they meet the programs requirements. The Program determines an amount and pays the Landlord directly, and the family pays the difference.

The Housing Choice Voucher Program is run through local Public Housing Agencies(PHAs). The PHAs receive funds from HUD and the PHA’s administer the voucher program.

Find Your Local Public Housing Agency.
The Home Program

Can a single mom with low income buy a house? The Home Program is designed to create affordable housing for single mothers, single fathers, and low-income households in general. Each year it allocates about 2 billion dollars among the States and local agencies. The program was designed to help those in need through things like loan guarantees, direct loans, grants, rental assistance, security deposit assistance, and credit enhancement. Eligibility for the Home Program varies depending on the type of assistance you need. To find out if you are eligible, you need to contact a participating agency in your area.

Don’t Give up Looking for Safe Affordable Housing

It can be very discouraging, at times, trying to secure affordable housing for your family as a single parent. But remember, there are many different programs out there with many different types of eligibility requirements. If you stay positive and continue searching for assistance, your chances of finding safe affordable housing for your family are greatly increased.

Single Parent Tips for a Smooth Running House

03/14/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

As a single parent, it’s often difficult keeping everything in your household running smoothly. Taking care of the kids, the house, the bills, while trying to have a tiny bit of a life of your own can be hard. And it’s not easy finding help as a single parent without spending large amounts of money. One of the greatest challenges of being a single parent is: how do you fit it all in? For the single parent time management is an essential tool. It takes planning, dedication and commitment to take control of your time and resources so that you can get everything done when it has to be done. If takes some effort but it is well worth it, and it teaches your kids important life skills.

Being a single parent doesn’t mean you are at a disadvantage. It’s only a disadvantage if you think of it as one. In fact, some single parent households are more effective at child rearing and running a smooth house than some two-parent households. Think of how many families you know where the mom and dad cancel each other out because of their opposite parenting styles. Their kids end up running the show, and running amok. However, when it comes to things such as running errands, transporting the kids and such you need to understand your time constraints and make adjustments. Now that you’re a single parent you’re the one responsible for all of it; but you can do it!

Here are some tips for making your single parent household run smoother:

Discipline

Teach your children boundaries and discipline from the time they are old enough to understand. This does not mean being overly strict; it means a lovingly structured environment. Teaching your children rules, responsibility and respect when they are young will make a big difference the older they get. Many newly single parents become very lax about rules, responsibility and respect because they feel overwhelmed. Or they don’t want to be ‘the bad guy’. Being a single parent is no excuse for failing to instill discipline in your children. Children thrive in a structured environment and discipline will help them become well adjusted, productive adults.

Communicate

Talk to your children about rules and boundaries, and why they are important. Let your kids know that you love them and that you discipline out of love for them. Be positive. Communicating a feeling of being overwhelmed or fearful of the future is damaging to children. Use an adult friend to unload your concerns; and remember to keep communication with your children on age appropriate levels. Keep the lines of communication open with your children. This can be hard as your kids become teens, but keep letting them know that you’re there for them. And keep giving them opportunities to talk and confide in you.

Be Diligent

Once you develop your ‘smooth running house’ plan, stick with it. If the children are responsible for chores, or checking in with you when they get home from school make sure they are given a consequence if they break a rule. If you are diligent about maintaining the rules and boundaries of the house, the children will soon master the skill of discipline and you will be on your way to a smooth running single parent household. The REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT is that you will have well adjusted children who grow into adults that have some great life skills; that you instilled in them.

There are many successful single parent families out there; and your family can be one of them.

Single Parent Dating Sites – Are You Being Safe?

03/10/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

How Popular are Single Parent Dating Sites?

Dating and the single parent. Online dating remains one of the most frequently used services on the internet. While online dating is nothing new, the increase in divorce rates has made single parent dating sites pop up like mushrooms. And for good reason. The appeal of using a single parent dating site rather than a more general site like Match.com or e harmony are numerous. One major reason is that the first level weeding process has already been taken care of and you will already have something in common with the other single parents on the site; kids. This makes single parent dating sites very popular with single moms and dads.

Why are Single Parents Flocking to Online Dating Sites?

Being a single parent is harder than most people think. Most newly divorced parents quickly become overwhelmed by the time and energy it takes to raise children as a single parent. Not to mention the cost. Hiring a sitter is a luxury that is just not in most single parents’ budgets.

Why don’t single parents date on the weekends that their ex has the kids and they don’t have to worry about a sitter? The answer is that many single parents are subjected to a cruel joke. Percentage-wise most single dads are the non-custodial parent and most single moms are the custodial parent. So this means that when single mom has the weekend off, all the single dads are home taking care of their kids. And when single dad has his free weekends, all the single moms are home with the kids.

A single mom once joked that she was going to take a second job delivering pizza on the weekends when she didn’t have her kids. Judging from all the pizza nights her kids had at their dad’s house, she figured delivering pizzas was a sure fire way to meet the single dads in her area!

Are There Dangers with Dating Online as a Single Parent?

Single parents can quickly find themselves isolated and lonely; not a good place to be. Staying connected to your old friends who are married becomes harder and harder because they just don’t understand what you’re going through. Connecting with someone who can relate sounds more and more enticing. Joining a single parent online dating site becomes the solution that more and more single parents choose. But be aware, being an isolated, lonely single parent has its blind spots and hazards.

Realize that your guard may be down when you interact on single parent dating sites and be careful not to accidentally give away too much information early on which could be dangerous to you and/or your children.

Naturally single parents will want to talk a lot about their kids so it’s extra important to safeguard them from anyone who would do them harm. And just like on the singles dating sites, some people are not who they present themselves to be.

Being a lonely single parent puts you at a greater risk of being deceived into a close connection and giving up personal details before you know who you’re really dealing with. In the wrong hands your personal information can put you and your children in harm’s way.

This all may sound discouraging, but before you completely give up trying to connect with other single parents online, there are some things you can do to make it a safer experience.

Single Parent Online Dating Safety Tips

Tip 1 – Don’t create bad karma. When creating an online profile be honest. Don’t do things like use your best photo from years gone by that doesn’t even resemble you today. If you’re 30 pounds heavier, or balding, your ‘white lies’ will come back to haunt you if you connect with someone online worth meeting. And worse, karma has a way of returning to you what you send out into the universe. If you don’t want to be deceived online don’t deceive others online.

Tip 2 – As a single parent you need to be sure to maintain the privacy of your kids. It’s very easy as a single parent to get comfortable and start talking about your children using their real names. You might later mention their school, and maybe you later talk about your work hours. The sad fact is that predators are out there online. Take steps to be sure you don’t put your children in any potential danger by identifying them by name or mentioning the schools they attend.

Tip 3 – Understand that if you spend much of your time online talking about your ex-spouse and what he/she did to you; you’re not over that relationship. This means you are a high risk candidate for having an unhealthy rebound relationship. This also means that if you’ve healed and are ready to move forward, you don’t want to get involved with someone who hasn’t let go of their ex-spouse yet. By avoiding those types you’ll save yourself and your kids a world of pain.

The bottom line is single parent dating sites aren’t the perfect solution but they can be a real benefit for single parents. Single parent dating sites are about the only viable way a single parent can connect with other single parents after the kids are off to bed without hiring a sitter and cruising the bar scene (which is probably even more dangerous!) If you understand your vulnerabilities and take precautions, you can feel safe connecting with other single parents online after the children are tucked in bed for the night. And who knows, you just might find someone special.

Are You Ready to Date Again?

03/06/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Getting back on the dating scene can be daunting. Working up the courage to start dating is tough for many people but can be especially difficult when raising a child alone. To help you get back in the game, here are some top dating tips from an expert for single parents.

Are You Sure You’re Ready?

Dating is going to be a big step for you and could have an impact on your children, particularly depending on their age. If you’re not 100% ready, then this will be obvious to any potential suitors so be confident in your decision and never feel guilty about allowing yourself the opportunity to find love.

What Kind of Relationship are You Looking For?

Keep in mind that now you have children, relationships may be slightly more complicated than when you were originally single. That’s not to say that you can’t meet somebody amazing – think about what kind of person you are looking for and how they will fit into your lifestyle as it is now

Manage Your Expectations

Don’t expect your perfect partner to fall into your lap after five minutes. Like anything in life, you will need to invest time and effort in order to find somebody you are truly compatible with.

How do Your Children Feel About You Dating?

You don’t want your children directing the process but if they are old enough to understand they can be surprisingly insightful. When you are putting together your profile, they can help with things like choosing photographs or identifying individual qualities or stories about yourself that you may not necessarily be aware of or remember.

How does a Potential Date Feel About Children?

If you meet someone and they are clear, or you have the sense, that they don’t particularly like children then walk away. Your children are wonderfully special and it’s unfair to introduce somebody into their life that doesn’t feel the same way.

Does this Potential Date Have Children of Their Own?

Though it’s by no means vital, having children of their own means that they will usually understand the complications of childcare, scheduling, last minute cancellations and all the other joyous aspects that now accompany your dating life. That said if they don’t have children, then just look for that sense of understanding, and compatibility where raising children is concerned.

Should You Say that You Have Children in Your Profile?

Yes absolutely. Honesty is always the best policy and they are a big part of your life, but keep it simple at this stage. ‘I have two children, a boy and a girl, Adam and Anna, 7 and 9′ is sufïcient.

How Much Should You Involve Your Children in Your Profile?

You are the one looking to find love – not your little one – so make sure your profile picture is of you and you alone. That said, an image of you and your children later on will provide nice insight into your exiting family dynamic.

How Much Should You Mention Your Children on a Date?

This is especially difficult, as parents we are hardwired to talk about our children and how great they are! Before a date, take the time to remember the things that really make you tick and make an effort to let your date get to know every aspect of your personality. Of course, if the topic of your children naturally comes up, don’t stress out about avoiding it, go with what feels natural and comfortable to you.

How Long Should You Wait Before Introducing a New Partner to Your Children?

There is no set answer here, rather a case-by-case decision on what makes you and your children comfortable. Wherever possible, you should communicate with your children about your current relationship and introduce the idea of a new partner long before the partner themselves. Also, don’t put too much pressure on a first meet. Do something fun and relaxed and let them get to know each other in a natural way.

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