Donna, Author at Single Parent Wealth

The Single Parents Guide to Planning a Trip with Kids

06/04/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Are you looking forward to getting away with your kids this summer? Many of us single parents can’t wait to take a much needed break and move about the country (or beyond). To make your vacation as great as possible you’ll want to plan your trip ahead of time.

Not only is planning your trip necessary, it’s actually a fun part of your vacation experience as a whole. The fun sense of anticipation and eager expectation is really where your vacation starts.

So let’s get started planning our single parent vacation with our kids!

Include Your Kids in the Vacation Planning Process

Give your kids a voice in the vacation planning. From deciding where to go and what to do, involve your children in the choosing. Planning your vacation can be a great educational endeavor for your kids as they research the geography, culture, and more about potential destinations. Involving your kids in the planning process will get them even more excited about the vacation than if you just did all the planning yourself.

Plan for Downtime on Your Vacation

Many parents, not just single parents, make the mistake of filling every waking hour with planned things to do on vacation. The reality is that kids can’t be ON all the time. Over filling your days can have negative consequences in the form of melt-downs and unplanned sickness. So plan something big one day, then hang out by the hotel pool the next. Or go on an excursion in the morning and then chill in the evening. Planning your vacation in this way makes it less of a marathon, and more of a vacation.

Plan for the Travel Portion of Your Trip

Bring plenty of distractions for the travel portion of your vacation.

Pretty much everyone has their very own electronic device these days, so distractions seem like they’re covered. But you want to think beyond the electronic device. Make sure you have extra power in case you’re no where near a charging station or outlet. Have non-electronic standbys such as note pad and colored pencils. A book of puzzles. And don’t forget the snacks.

Travelling by car, plane or train can have its own built in distractions to keep your child entertained. But those long haul trips just to get to your destination can get really boring really fast as well. Be prepared.

Add Some Culture to Your Vacation

Even if you’re just going to visit with relatives out of state, plan to take in some of the local culture of your destination. Visit a local museum. Tour a historic part of the city. Be sure to sample the most popular local cuisine! Planning these things into your vacation will definitely add to the overall joy of your vacation. And your kids will get to experience new cultural experiences.

Plan to Travel as Lightly as Possible

Learn how to pack efficiently, and teach your kids how to do the same. I’ve heard it said that travel should be about the destination, not how much of your own stuff you can bring with you.

When you’re a single parent and you find yourself at a busy airport terminal, and you’re trying to wrangle all your luggage while wrangling your kids as well, you’ll realize the genius of travelling light as a single parent.

And that brings us to a very important part of planning when traveling with a children…

Gather Necessary Documents in Advance

When you’re travelling as a single parent you need to make sure that you have a notarized letter of consent from the non-travelling parent. It is essential if you’re crossing boarders. But even if you’re just going out of state you should carry that document with you.

Also be sure that your children have necessary information on them at all times. The younger your children are, the more important this is. Think back to your days at summer camp when everything had to have your name on it so that it could go back to the rightful owner should it get lost.

Your older kids may be able to store vital information in their phones, but if your young child gets separated from you how will they be able to get reunited with you? Make sure that your child has your name and phone number on them at all times when you’re travelling, even if you have to write it on the inside of their clothes with a sharpie.

Chances are you will never get separated from your child while travelling, but if you do you’ll be glad you took this step.

Keep it Fun

So there you have it! Follow these tips and your next vacation with your kids will be much less stressful. But even if your best plans get tossed out due to unforeseen circumstances, just roll with it and have fun anyway.

Happy travels!

The Divorce is Over – Now What? New Single Parent Reality

04/27/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

For some, going through a divorce can feel like all your hopes and dreams were just crushed under a huge pile of bricks; while for others it can feel like a pile of bricks was lifted from your back. Either way, moving on as a single parent is a new and sometimes challenging experience. Let’s look at some of the things that might crop up as you start your single parent life.

Feeling Lonely

One of the more challenging aspects of being a single parent is the feeling of being alone. Sometimes being alone can be a positive thing but if you are missing that special connection with another adult then you are not alone. Rather than putting yourself out there in the “market” right away take some time for you. Companionship can be found in many healthy activities such as craft groups, support groups, a bowling team, or anywhere you can make new friends and not feel so alone.

Healing Time

Give yourself some time to heal before dating again. For some, healing can involve learning to love yourselves again, and for others it could be learning to be on your own as a single parent. As much as you may feel like you can never do this alone don’t jump into another relationship until you have proven to yourself that you can. For some this can prove to be a struggle but it is possible. The only true way to have a healthy relationship with anyone is to be a whole (healed) person before you begin a relationship.

Find Support

Build a support group of friends and family. Choose only those who help you to feel good about yourself. Disconnect from those who put you down or doubt your abilities. You don’t need those people. And yes, you can tell them. Simply say that if they don’t have something positive to contribute then you can’t be around them right now. They will either change their ways or move on. If you find yourself without positive support or just would like more then you can always turn to local church groups in your community. Many larger churches have single parent support groups.

Children Need Healing and Support as Well

Your children need time to adjust to their new normal. Healing and support is crucial for them as well. No matter how adjusted you thing you are, think about where your kids are in their adjustment journey before you think about starting a new relationship. And when they are ready, and you’re thinking about dating, ask yourself: Will this person be a good influence? How soon should I introduce a new person into my child’s life? How will my child react? These are all valid questions and there is no one correct answer. The best thing to do is to consider these questions and more before you even consider dating.

You Will Adapt and Thrive as a Single Parent if you Allow Yourself

Adjusting to being a single parent is sometimes quite hard. Don’t give up on yourself though. You will adjust, heal, and become a better person/parent for your children.

5 Common Questions Single Parents Ask

04/26/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

1. How Do I Adjust to Being a Single Parent?

Being a single parent isn’t easy, especially in the beginning. But instead of giving in and feeling sorry for yourself, take steps to start the adjustment process right away. Get involved in a single parent support group. There you can find support and fun. Reach out to other single parents in your community. Invite them and their kids over for a play date or a picnic in the park. Be kind and take care of yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the better you’ll feel as a single parent.

2. Will I Ever Heal? How Can I Start the Healing Process?

Whether your spouse died or you’ve just gone through a divorce, you will need to go through the grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance are all a part of that process. For some the process is quicker than others. To help yourself through the grieving process, get involved in a support group. Let yourself cry when you feel like crying. Exercise; pursue a hobby; get yourself around other adults, and accept help from others. Help others. This actually has an amazing healing affect. Finally, seek out the help of a professional counselor/therapist if after 6 months you’re still not moving through the grieving process.

3. How am I Going to Live on My New Budget?

Newly single parents usually have to adjust to a new, smaller budget. This is something that you need to pay attention to right away. You cannot live the way you did when there were two incomes. Create a brutally honest budget for your single parent family and stick to it. Maxing out your credit cards and possibly ruining your credit will only make matters WAY worse for a long time. Look for ways to increase your income. Try to eliminate or restructure any debt that you currently have. Live within your means by cutting out all but necessary expenses. As you adjust to single parent living you can then start adding additional expenses to your budget as your income allows.

Where Can I Find a Single Parent Support Group?

You should be able to find more than on single parent support group in your community. You may even be able to find single parent support groups that cater to specific sub-groups such as single moms, single dads, etc. Many religious organizations off single parent support groups, so look there. Ask for referral from doctors, or other single parents in the community. Google single parent support groups in your area.

5. How do I Start Dating Again?

Whether you want to date just for the adult companionship or you’re looking for something more serious, here are a few ideas on how to meet new potential dates. For sure there are many dating apps out there. If you decide to use a dating app, use caution. People can be very deceptive on dating apps. Instead, join a gym or take a night class at your local community college. You can spend time at bookstores, museums, or any other place where single frequent. A great place to meet new people (potential dates included) is your local church. Offer to volunteer which gives you a built in excuse to talk to everyone.

Dating can boost your ego as a newly single parent but be very cautious. Take it slow, and don’t put yourself out there until you’ve had time to heal from your previous relationship.

Single Parents and Healthy Boundaries

04/24/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

As kids, we learn that boundaries are the lines on the playing field that separate where the players play from where the viewers watch. But as adults, the boundary lines in our own personal lives aren’t as clear. In fact, setting healthy boundaries can be particularly difficult for single parents, because you often have to rely on others to help you – from your ex, to your kids, to your parents. In order to protect your privacy and maintain a positive sense of self, you’ll need to cultivate boundaries in the the following areas:

Boundaries With Your Ex

All of our relationships need healthy boundaries, and your relationship with your ex is no different. Whether you were married for 25 years or just dating for a few months, you need to establish a new way of relating where each of you understands the rules and can learn to get along for your kids’ sake.

Boundaries With Your Kids

From enforcing a set of basic house rules to teaching your kids that they can count on you to be consistent, maintaining clear boundaries with your kids is vital to your survival as a single parent.

Boundaries With Your Family

Another area where we all need boundaries is with our own parents and extended family members. Especially if you count on your family to help you raise your kids, it can be difficult to set and maintain boundary lines. In reality, though, creating healthy boundaries in these relationships is the key to making them work for all of you for the long haul.

Boundaries in Dating

When you begin dating, it’s important to set boundary lines with your partner and with your kids. In order to do this, though, you’re going to have to talk openly about your relationship and what you each expect.

Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries in all four of these areas will help you parent well, learn to collaborate with your ex, and maintain your integrity at the same time.

Be the Best Single Parent You Can Be

04/19/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Learn to Manage Your Money Effectively

Single parents often have added financial stress, so you will need some pretty good money management skills.

If you need some help learning better money management, search Google or YouTube for money management and budgeting sites. Some popular sites are Mint , Dave Ramsey , The Penny Hoarder .

Before you can manage your money effectively, you need to know where you stand regarding debt. Many people avoid this because they’re afraid to know the truth. But you need to face how much debt you may have, and come up with a plan to pay down your debt.

Stop paying for things that you don’t use or need. No one needs expensive cable bills. If you’re not using it you don’t need that gym membership. You can workout at home or at the park. Call your utility companies and see if you can negotiate lower rates.

Put your family on a budget. Yes, involve your kids. Teach them good money management habits now and they will thank you for years to come.

Don’t Speak Badly About the Other Parent

Regardless of how badly your relationship may have ended, it is never wise to bad-mouth your ex in front of your child. The best thing that you can do for your child is to let them love both of their parents without guilt.

If you have children who are a little older, be careful to not get caught up in little manipulations from your very own darlings kids. It is very common for children to pit one parent against the other if it serves their purposes. If you find your child trying to manipulate you in this way, stay very neutral regarding the other parent. Then communicate with the other parent.

Your child’s other parent may have lied to you, cheated on you, etc. You definitely need to heal from that. Deal with your emotions by confiding in a friend and/or seeing a therapist. But do not discuss any of your problems with your child. Things are never black and white. You aren’t all good and the other parent all evil. It is not good for your child’s mental health.

If you speak badly about your child’s other parent you may lose custody of your child. Parental Alienation is a real thing, and it is very damaging to a child. If a judge determines that you’re speaking negatively to the point where you’re harming your child’s relationship with the other parent, the judge has the authority to take your custodial rights away from you. It’s that serious.

Ask for Help

There is no shame in asking for help; it doesn’t denote failure or that you aren’t worthy as a parent. In fact, asking for assistance whether it’s as simple as fetching your child from school or if it’s a bit trickier, like dealing with puberty, makes you a better parent.

If you have an amicable relationship with your child’s other parent you should start there. If you can negotiate, and help each other out this is the best solution for your child.

If you can’t get help from the other parent your next place to look for help is family and friends. If you don’t take advantage, and are able to reciprocate on occasion, must family and friends would be willing to help out when possible.

If you don’t have friends or family for support you need to reach out to local churches and charities. Many local churches have single parent ministries and can assist in a variety of ways. Charities, such as food banks can help out when finances are low.

Reach out to your government. There is assistance out there for single parents in need. There are programs like WIC (Women, Infants, Children) that can help. Search online for other programs in your state.

The bottom line is, you can’t wait for assistance to offer itself to you. You need to seek out assistance, because it’s out there. And there is no shame in asking for help when you really need it.

Communicate and Let your Child Communicate

Be mindful of the fact that you aren’t the only one going through loss in this situation, be it divorce or death. Your child is also going through a period of loss and you need to instigate and encourage communication about the situation.

Remember to reassure them that it’s all right to feel angry, scared or sad. If you need extra help, it’s perfectly acceptable to take your child to a child psychologist who can help them ease into the process of learning how to deal with emotions effectively.

Show them how much you love them, even when they are not acting perfectly. Let them know they are loved no matter what.

Single Parents: Do You Have the Life Insurance You Need?

03/21/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

The Importance of Planning Ahead

As a single parent, you’re probably used to getting things done by yourself and provide for your family as best as you can. But what if something were to happen to you? Who will provide for your kids? In addition to having a Will, you should really have life insurance to be sure that your children will be financially provided for in your absence.

Life insurance is especially important for single parents, particularly if there is no back-up breadwinner for your children to rely on. The good news is you can usually get affordable life insurance through your employer if you have a full-time job. If you don’t have that option you will need to do some research and find an insurance provider that works for you. Take the time to scout out life insurance quotes on term life insurance, whole life insurance or a mix of both, if you haven’t already.

How Much Life Insurance should a Single Parent Have?

The amount of insurance you should buy is generally equal six to eight times your annual salary. There are a few factors that would determine how much you would have to pay for life insurance. Some factors are your age, and whether you have any pre-existing conditions. You also want to decide whether you want term life insurance or whole life insurance. And you definitely want to shop around for the best prices. Find a policy that works within your budget. You should be able to find a policy whose monthly payments are manageable.

Are there Other Sources of Income I Could Pass to my Children?

As you consider purchasing single parent single parent life insurance to protect your children’s future, look into other potential sources of income that can be passed on to your children. This could include retirement plans, other savings and Social Security. Doing these things could provide you with peace of mind should something unfortunate happen.

If you pass away before your kids are 19, they may be eligible to receive your Social Security benefit. Disabled children and elderly parents who depend on you for at least half their income may also receive “survivor benefits.” Questions on how much you can expect to receive on your Social Security benefit can be answered by visiting the Social Security Administration’s website.

Make a Plan for Your Children’s Future

Financial planning can be a difficult exercise for most people to wrap their minds around, but for the single parent it’s important to consider. It might be a good idea to visit with a financial planner if you aren’t confident about what type of savings plan you should have in place for your children. But as you have been able to provide for your children on your own in the past, protecting their future is just one more thing you can do as a strong single parent.