Hope, Author at Single Parent Wealth

Organization Tips for Single Parents

05/07/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

Let’s face it, life is BUSY! And you’re a single parent so life is BUSIER! Carving out some leisure/free/fun time for you and your kids takes some planning and organizational skills, but it’s worth it.

Who doesn’t want more free, fun time with their kids! Let’s see how we can make more of that happen.

Daily Routines are Your Friends

Establish daily routines for your family so that everyone knows what’s expected of them. Routines won’t solve all of your battles, but there’ll be fewer surprises. Bedtime routines as well as morning routines really help your single parent household run more efficiently. Don’t forget homework, chores, and meal time routines. Get yourself a dry erase board and have your routines in a place where everyone sees them often. Routines definitely save you time.

A Family Calendar is a Must

Along with your routines board, you need a family calendar where everyone can see it. Keep track of your special events, special school activities, and appointments, etc. This cuts down on conflicts and lets you, and the kids keep track of the logistics of who needs to be where at what time. An up to date family calendar will save you even more time.

Motivate your Kids to do their Chores

You’re a single parent. You need to get household chores done on a daily basis but there’s no way you can do it alone. You may disagree, but the fastest way to get the chores done (and with no whining) is to offer an incentive. It could be money but it doesn’t have to be. You can make the incentive internet access when their chores are done. Whatever motivates your child. Chores are more likely to get done quickly and properly if there is an incentive attached.

Plan Your Meals

Obviously you’re going to take your kids’ preferences into consideration, but it is a huge time and money saver when you plan your meals out weekly. Planning your weekly meals out saves on trips to the grocery store – you only need to go once. If you can pre-make meals for the week and freeze them, you save even more time. An added bonus is family fun time together in the kitchen if your kids like to cook with you.

If you follow these tips you will be able to regain some precious time that you and your kids can use for more enjoyable things, like spending some fun leisure time together.

Single Parent Dating Advice – Before You Date

05/05/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

If you’re a newly single parent, the thought of jumping back into dating can seem terrifying. But as you settle into your new role, dating again may start to be something that you want to do. When that time comes it’s common to have lots of questions and worry about things like: How will my kids react to me dating? When is a good time to start dating as a single parent? Is single parent dating even worth it?

If you have questions about dating as a single parent below is some advice that will help you on your new journey into the world of dating with kids.

Wait a Year Before You Start Dating

It may seem hard for many but waiting a year is ideal (six months at the very least). The reason that a year is ideal is that you’ll have gone through all of the holidays and birthdays at least once on your own. Getting through those major events on your own at least once will give you so much strength and confidence in any future relationship. It also saves you from potentially turning a good partner away by subjecting him to unresolved issues that he has nothing to do with.

Of course situations vary, but if you’re a single parent because of the death or divorce of a long term partner you need time to heal. Truly the best scenario for you and your kids is to go to some type of counselling to process the grief and/or hurt feelings that you now face because of your new single parent situation. Getting involved in your own interests is also a very healthy thing to do before you start dating again. You may rediscover things that once brought you joy before you were in your last relationship. The key here is that you want to become a whole person in your own right before you start dating again.

As you heal and are doing things that bring you joy, you just might meet someone who shares your interests and is a good fit with you.

Make sure that your children are also taking the time to heal from the break up of the family unit. You can’t ignore their needs even if you’re drowning in your own shock and grief. And it’s also difficult to move forward if you’re ready but the kids are not.

Confront Unhealthy Issues in Your Previous Relationship

Now is the time to reflect and work on any unhealthy issues that troubled your last relationship. It’s really important to honestly look at the previous relationship dynamic and see what role you played in that. Close friends may be able to help you with talking this through. I personally sought out a good counselor and it was worth every penny. If money is tight look into local churches. Some churches provide divorce care classes. And you don’t need to be a member of the church to take advantage of them. Talking your issues out with another person is helpful because sometimes you’re blind to how you may have contributed to a bad relationship.

If you’re coming out of a bad relationship you’ll be glad you did the work. You don’t want to make the same relationship mistakes when you’re starting your new single parent dating journey. It will only lead you down similar unhealthy paths.

Make Sure You’re Really Ready to Start Dating Again

Once you feel that you’re ready to start dating again ask yourself this question: Am I ready to deal with the downside of dating with kids? Because dating isn’t all sunshine and roses. Especially with online dating, there’s a lot of bad behavior going on. You also have to be ready for people who are catfishing. This is why healing yourself before you start dating is so important.

Make sure you’re ready to go into dating with eyes wide open. Don’t take the ghosting and bad behavior personally. And don’t get discouraged. There are good people out there. Maybe you will find someone online, or maybe you’ll find someone while waiting in line at the DMV. You just never know.

Know What You Want

Before you start dating know what you’re looking for. It’s generally a bad idea to jump into dating with the, ‘I’ll know it when I see it’ kind of attitude. Many bad relationships and broken hearts started this way. Why? Because it’s an indication that you may not have clear, strong boundaries just yet. And if you’re starting to date as a single parent, you may be an easier target to someone who does not have good or honest intensions. So if you’re not sure exactly where your boundaries are, hold off on dating until you know.

A simple way to understand what you want, and define some boundaries is to make two lists. Make a list of the things you’re looking for in your future relationship. Make another list of traits or behaviors that are absolute NOs for you. This way you can save yourself from getting too far into a dating relationship that won’t work for you in the long run. These are your dating boundaries. Stick to these boundaries and be strong enough to not be ruled by your emotions alone. You may start dating someone who is charming and attractive, and is sweeping you off your feet. But if he has no patience, and doesn’t particularly like kids you’d be smart to end the relationship before you got in too deep.

Reinvent Yourself

No, I don’t mean completely changing everything about yourself. What I mean is, you’re now in a new role. You’re now in the role of single parent, which you probably have never been in before. Perhaps when you were in your long-term relationship you became too comfortable; too relaxed when it came to putting effort into your looks. But now you’re thinking about dating again. You want to put your best you forward.

Now is the perfect time to get yourself an updated hair style. Go out and buy some new ‘date’ clothes. Head over to the makeup counter at your favorite department store and learn some new makeup techniques. Updating your look will give you a confidence boost, and will surely get you some extra attention.

Be a Confident Single Parent

Being nervous about jumping into dating as a single parent is normal. It tends to be more nerve-racking the longer you’ve been away from dating. But don’t let your nerves scare you away from dating altogether. Doing any new thing is always going to make you nervous. You’re stepping out of your comfort zone. Have confidence in yourself. As long as you approach a new date as an opportunity to meet someone new and enjoy yourself, you’ll do fine. Relax, be confident and have fun. It’s just a date.

Don’t Compare Your Dates to Your Previous Partner

If you had a long-term relationship with your child’s other parent and they broke your trust in some way, it can hard not to compare a new date with them, but try your best not to do it. It’s common to have trust issues if you’ve come out of a relationship where you were deceived. This is why working through your baggage before you date, is so important. Of course don’t be naïve. If a date is throwing up red flags then question his motives. But don’t assume that all new dates are trying to deceive you in some way because your ex was like that. When you start dating, take your date at face value and enjoy their company without projecting your past relationship onto them.

Conversely, if nothing can live up to a past relationship in your mind then you’ll also have difficulty dating as a newly single parent. You might still need more time or counselling before you begin dating. Every relationship that you ever had, and will ever have will be different. You have to be open to new possibilities. As an example, look at Gwen Stefani and Blake Shelton. A most unlikely pairing, but because of open mindedness and a willingness to try new things they are happily in love.

Take Good Care of Yourself and Your Kids Above All Else

At the end of the day, the best thing that you can do for your family’s happy future is to take things slow. Be the kind of person that you would want to date. Be the person who is confident in who they are as a single parent. And be open to all possibilities. You’ll be glad you did.

Advantages to Being a Single Parent

04/21/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

We often hear about the struggles and disadvantages of being a single parent. I’m here to tell you that as a single parent there can be many advantages as well. Let me know if you agree.

You Make all the Parenting Rules
No More Petty Arguments
More Time with Your Kids
You Make All of the Financial Decisions
Your Kids Learn More Independence and being a Team Player
You Don’t Have to Split Your Attention

Single Parents Get to Make all the Parenting Rules

For many single parents this can be a big advantage. In many two parent households the parents disagree on rules for their kids. If that’s the case, you’ll probably find that as a single parent there’s much less stress regarding parenting styles. Setting rules for your child in your home becomes much easier.

If the other parent is still in the picture and has every other weekend and mid-week time with your child, you still may be discussing rules, etc. But at least in your home, you decide what’s best.

Single Parents Enjoy Having an Argument Free Home

If you find yourself as a single parent because of divorce, there was probably arguing, bickering, and negativity in your household before you and your partner split. Maybe the negativity was there for a long time and you just worked around it. If that was your situation you will definitely feel the difference when all of that conflict is no longer in your house.

Of course kids tend to argue with their parents from time to time, but it’s not the same. Anyone who has lived with a partner who was constantly arguing with you about something knows how soul crushing it can be. It can completely suck the life out of you. When your kids argue with you, for the most part it’s a teaching moment. And since you made the house rules you can enforce them.

Single Parents Get to Spend More Time with Their Kids

On the one hand it seems exhausting to be a single parent and have to be the one getting the kids up and ready for school; helping with homework; shuttling to afterschool activities; etc. But think of all of the extra time you have because you now don’t have a partner who is also requiring your time.

I can’t tell you how many times I spent watching a movie or Amazon Prime series that I had NO INTEREST in just to appease my partner. And in their mind that was ‘doing something together’. I also can’t tell you how much of my time was spent having ‘debates’ with my partner that would go on forever if I didn’t just agree.

Until I became a single parent I didn’t fully understand how much time and energy was going to my partner and not to my child.

Single Parents Get More Sleep

Being in a two parent household is great if you are both fundamentally on the same page; and you both put the others’ needs before your own. Sadly this isn’t the case most of the time (based on divorce statistics). But until you become a single parent you don’t realize how having a partner who is not in sync with you messes up your sleep patterns as well.

You may be someone who craves the contact that a partner provides, especially when you sleep. Trust me, finding the right dog to add to your family will do wonders for you. You will sleep better at night; and your new canine family member will give you the unconditional love you need until you are truly ready to find another partner.

Single Parents Manage the Finances Without Interference

There are generally three different money management styles when it comes to family finances.

First, all income is put into a joint account; bills are paid, and personal expenditures are negotiated. For example, if one partner really wants a special set of golf clubs, or an expensive new handbag it’s discussed and agreed upon. This style seems to be the least popular in our current generation. This style can work if both partners are involved in the household finances. But this style is a potential disaster if only one partner oversees all the financial matters.

Second, all income stays separate and partners decide which bills will be paid by each partner. They may split bills down the middle like electric, or WIFI. Then the remainder of ‘their’ money is ‘theirs’ to do whatever they want. This style seems to be most popular in our current generation, but it’s also the style that doesn’t support a lifelong partnership.

Third, this is more of a partnership way of handling finances. Most of a partners income goes into a joint account and a portion of income is kept in a personal account for any personal things they may wish to purchase. This way the bulk of the income can be jointly managed and allotted to expenses, investments, vacations, etc. This is generally the healthiest way to jointly manage household finances.

We’ve come a long way, but still in general men out-earn women. And in general men tend to oversee the family finances. If you have been in an unbalanced financial situation with your partner; becoming a single parent and having sole control of the household finances will be a huge advantage for you.

Money may be tight for you as a single parent, but knowing exactly what’s coming in and where exactly it’s going out is a very satisfying thing if you were kept in the dark previously.

Your Child Will Be a More Independent Team Player

As a single parent it’s necessary to teach your child how to be more independent. Even though you may still want to do everything for your child you don’t have that luxury at crucial times during the day. You may be able to spend more time with your child in the evening but when you both have to be ready to go in the morning, teaching your child to get ready by themselves is crucial. They become more confident in their independence.

You child will also feel more like a team player when you give them opportunities to help around the house or help with the prep work of making dinner.

Single Parents don’t Have to Split Their Attention

In a two parent household there is often a battle as to who will get your attention. Typically it used to be the couple of hours in the evening when everyone was getting home from jobs, school, after school activities. In the last year this battle may go on all day if both partners are working at home and the kids are doing school from home.

Feeling like you’re being pulled in more than one direction can be very draining. But as a single parent half of that guilt goes away. Sure, you may not feel like you’re doing enough for your child. But you’re doing twice as much as you would when your home had a partner who was demanding more of your time than they were pouring back into you.

I know that being a single parent can be difficult, but just remember that there are also advantages to being a single parent. And if you focus on the positives, things will go much smoother for you and your child.

Happy Single Parents Day!

03/21/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

Unlike Mother’s Day or Father’s Day, it is time set aside to honor those parents who individually strive to create a supportive, loving and secure environment for their children.

On March 21st, National Single Parents Day honors the mothers and fathers holding down the fort with all the hard work, devotion, and sacrifices involved in single parenting. Raising children can be challenging. Doing it without a partner doubles the burden. Whether by choice or circumstance, single parents carry a heavy load. Between work, school, daycare, doctor visits, and the list goes on, one person can only do so much.

What can we Learn from the Meghan Markle Oprah Interview?

03/08/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

There are 4 key things that anyone, including single parents, can learn from the Oprah interview with Meghan Markle.

We will go to the ends of the earth to protect those we love.
No family is perfect. Some less perfect than others. Many families struggle with the same issues.
If you have challenging family members sometimes it’s best to limit exposure to them to stay sane.
When it comes to family: airing grievances to anyone who will listen, and asking people to choose sides is never a good idea long term. The people it hurts most are the children.

How can I Protect My Child from Negative Situations/Family Members?

Is your child in real or perceived danger? Let’s be honest. Almost all of us can recall a time when we ‘thought’ someone was being toxic, only to reconsider once our own egos have calmed down and got out of the way. If you’re certain that your ego is not clouding your judgement; and there is obvious toxic behavior going on, then you need to start reinforcing your own (and your child’s) boundaries.

First, withdraw support for the family member. Family should support one another but if a toxic person’s behavior will jeopardize your child’s self-esteem, confidence or self-concept then limiting your child’s exposure to toxic family is appropriate. Note: withdrawing support is different than going to battle.

It is a fact, you can’t change anyone else’s behavior. You can only change your own behavior. If someone is violating your boundaries, take a step back and clearly state your boundaries. If that doesn’t work, continue to remove yourself (and your child), a step at a time until your boundaries are secure. Hopefully you won’t have to go completely no contact to achieve this, but you can’t control how far the other person may go to trample your boundaries.

You can’t control someone else, but you can control how far you distance yourself to protect you and your child’s boundaries.

How do I Get Along with Challenging Family Members?

Keep calm and carry on. Many of us have challenging family members. If you are secure within yourself, you don’t need another person’s approval. You also don’t need to prove how ‘right’ you are. If a family member is saying things you disapprove of, it’s not your job to ‘correct’ them. You can say, ‘that’s an interesting point of view’ and move on to another family member who is less challenging.

If you accept the difficult family member for who they are, then you never expect them to act any differently. Once you do that you can truly have compassion for them; and wish for them hope and joy in the future (for everyone’s sake). Sometimes accepting a family member for who they are ‘right now’ – lumps, bumps, negative attitudes and all; is the very thing that lifts them out of their negative attitude and challenging behavior.

Is it Ever OK to go ‘No Contact’ with a Toxic Family Member?

If a family member is truly toxic, you will definitely not change them. On the contrary, they will love for you to try to change them. Your interest in trying to change a toxic person is their cue that you are now caught up in their web of toxicity. Challenging people are just difficult, but toxic people thrive off of sucking the life out of people. Avoid toxic people and do not let them get under your skin or in your head. They find joy in tearing other people down.

The only way of dealing with a truly toxic family member is having no contact with them. But as a compassionate human being you can still wish them healing from afar.

Is it OK to use Social Media to Vent about Challenging Family Members?

This will be a quick paragraph. The answer is NO.

Whatever you put on the internet is there forever (whether you delete it or not). People change, situations change, and thoughts change. At some point in your life you will likely regret venting about family members (or anyone for that matter) online. If you must get it out, start hand writing in a diary or journal.

In conclusion: No matter which side of the Meghan Markle vs. The Queen saga you are on we can all learn from it. Challenging, unhealthy people will come and go throughout the healthiest of lives. And they are looking for a kind, generous person to latch onto. It’s up to you to have strong, healthy boundaries. And it’s up to you to defend those boundaries should someone try to walk all over them.

4 Challenges of Dating as a Single Parent

03/04/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

I’m not going to lie, there are challenges when it comes to dating as a single parent. Being a single parent can cramp your style when it comes to dating if you let it. But don’t let it. Here are 4 challenges that single parents face when dating, along with some advice on how to overcome them. Because you owe it to yourself to have a life; and possibly a new relationship. So follow this advice and you just might find yourself enjoying a few nights out on the town with an attractive companion. And maybe more…

1. Time

One of the biggest obstacles to single parent dating is time. Without a partner to help you transport, feed and nurture your children, you may find yourself in a non-stop hamster’s wheel of activities, responsibilities and obligations. And if you have small children, childcare may be an issue. They may already spend large amounts of time in daycare.

Giving yourself permission to get out and enjoy yourself is the first step toward having a regular dating life. Enlist the help of friends, relatives an older child. Trade evening babysitting with another single mother so your youngsters can be around people they are comfortable with.

2. Money

Simply put, dating can be expensive.

There are many activities that can be enjoyed without spending large sums of money. A simple picnic, an early movie, skating, hiking, a drive in the country, dinner at home, or a BBQ in the back yard are all activities that can be arranged very inexpensively. And you’ll probably have a more enjoyable time.

3. Empathy

Not all dates are going to be thrilled with a date who needs to check on her offspring often or who receives multiple phone calls from demanding children or babysitters. The restrictions on how long you can stay out and how far away you can travel may put a damper on an evening with someone who does not have children of their own.

Instead of leaving this to chance, join organizations such as Parents Without Partners. This can be an excellent way of engaging in family activities and meeting other people, especially those of the opposite sex, who are in your situation. There are also many online dating sites available which are designed specifically for the single parent.

4. Lack of Self-Confidence

Many single parents put all of their energy into taking care of their children and households. By the time they are ready to jump back into the dating arena, they may be out of touch with trends and popular hot spots. They may not have a wardrobe conducive to dating. Their conversation skills may be limited to entertaining a three-year old during snack time. All of this can add up to a general lack of confidence when it comes to re-entering the dating and relationship scene.

It may not sound like a good solution but practice makes perfect. Sure, making mistakes doesn’t sound like fun, but if you keep trying and keep a positive mindset you will regain your confidence and dating will get easier. Be patient with yourself. The worst thing that you could do is to rush into dating anyway.

Be kind to yourself. Give the dating process plenty of time. And enjoy the journey.