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Month: May 2011

Single Parents Dating more than Singles without Children?

Single Parents Dating more than Singles without Children?

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According to dating site Match.com, “21% of single parents are currently dating someone versus 16% of singles without kids; 35% of single parents have been on a first date in the past year versus 27% of singles without kids.” Now, these statistics could have been manipulated in a million ways (what does “single” mean exactly, how precisely do you define “dating,” etc.), but the good news is, this means that single parents aren’t moping around sad, lonely and bored. We’re getting out, and as Jezebel’s Anna North put it, “getting it on.”

As a single mother myself, I can attest to the getting it on part.  Since I’ve spent the better part of the last two years since my divorce following doing all of the things Match recommends the newly single parent do: compiling a killer wardrobe, maintaining a great hairstyle (one Eat Pray Love author Elizabeth Gilbert described as an “eff you cut“), I seem to have no problem snagging a squire for an evening of romance.  What I can’t get is a date.

Let me rephrase that: it’s not that I think I am unable to get a date or that I think I’m not girlfriend material.  It’s that I haven’t had a man ask to buy me dinner.  That being said, I won’t deny that one of the first thoughts that exploded into my brain and out of my mouth when I knew I was leaving my husband was, “I gave you my 20?s!  I had a kid.  No one is going to want me now.”  It took about a year, but as I devoted more time to To read the entrie article clickmy emotional recovery, health and well-being, I realized I wasn’t “damaged goods,” despite the fact that I felt it and meant it the day that I posted that as my Gchat status circa summer 2009.

To read the entire article click here.

Me-Time and Social Networking for Single Parents

Me-Time and Social Networking for Single Parents

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Single parenting can be very lonely. It seems that you are in a unique situation – all of your friends are either married or single without children. This puts a barrier between you and them. This is why many single parents are turning to online social networking. Networking sites are a place where you can meet others who are like you; who share your one-of-a-kind joys and sorrows. At these sites, you can read the latest news for single parents, take personality questionnaires, and get involved in a wide variety of interactive activities.

One popular site is I Heart Single Parents. This site can make you feel better as a single parent in many ways. For example, it is here that we learn Michael Jackson’s older brother is currently stuck in Africa and can’t go back to the U.S. as he has missed $90,000 in child support payments. He is thus prohibited from leaving the continent until he pays up. If you are having trouble collecting payments as a single mother, you will probably feel better knowing that if celebrities can be brought to justice, then so can your ex. You can also share your money issues and asset splitting troubles (now that he is comfortably living in Canada, enjoying a couple of Canadian credit cards while you are stuck repaying your joint debt burden in the USA).

To Read the entire article click here.

Are you a Single Parent Swimming Against the Current?

Are you a Single Parent Swimming Against the Current?

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When dealing with your child’s ‘other’ parent, threre is more than one single parent scenario. Some single parents have no contact with the ‘other’ parent and wonder why they don’t want to be a part of their child’s life. While other single parents have disruptive, controlling, abusive ‘other’ parents that they are trying to protect their child from. And all the scenarios in between.

But there is one group of single parents who make life harder than it has to be for everyone involved; especially their children. If your child’s other parent is involved in your child’s life and you two are still bickering, maybe the following article will help you gain some perspective on how little you’re gaining, and how much you are losing, by not putting your past behind you and co-parenting your child.

Parent With The Current

The phrase “single parent” is new for the twenty-first century. Men and women are designed to repopulate and raise their children together, not single-handed. More than offering our X and Y-chromosomes, men and women both bring valuable substance to the table of parenting. Both have their strengths and weaknesses that help develop a child to their full potential. To offer this to our children is priceless.

While this still exists in the twenty-first century, some of us aren’t that lucky. We are called “single parents”. Though unless our husband has died or has totally abandoned the children, we aren’t parenting alone. We just are no longer a two parent, one house family; we are a two-parent two-house family. Most of the arguments in the house are built around “Mom says I can do this” and “Dad says I can do that.” Life is hard for you and confusing to your children. When parenting “single,” we are not alone, but it does seem that we are most of the time because parenting this way is like swimming against a current. It takes all your strength and you can’t do it for long without consequences to both parents and children.

The “current” is the relationship you now have with your ex-spouse. That reflects on your parenting and your relationship with your children, which in turn affects their relationships with others.

We know one house two parents parenting has the best out come for children. We know single parenting does not. A new parenting phrase and way of life has to be created to combine the two.

-One house two parents’ -Two parents working together in the same house to raise children. The two parents stand united.
-Single parenting – Two parents not working together in two houses. Taking every opportunity to negate each other. Two sets of rules for the children because the parents are not united in child rearing.

There is another option.

Single Parents Struggling with Finances – There is Help

Single Parents Struggling with Finances – There is Help

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Help for Single Parents Struggling to Make Ends Meet

There is help for single parents struggling to make ends meet.

There was an old woman

who lived in a shoe,

She had so many children

she didn’t know what to do;

She gave them some broth

without any bread;

She whipped them all soundly

and put them to bed.

Not exactly sound parenting. But who could blame her? All those kids running around – and she obviously had little money. This had to be why they got broth without bread. Sounds like they were all a little on the bratty side, since she felt the need to just give up and put them to bed. And there’s no mention of a father, so apparently, the poor woman had all these kids to raise on her own.

How does a single parent make ends meet? With all the stress that is sure to come when raising kids on your own, the added stress of a mismanaged budget isn’t exactly welcome. Creating a budget is the first step to successful money management, even with a gaggle of kiddos.

To read the entire article click here.

5 Tips for Single Parents with Teenagers

5 Tips for Single Parents with Teenagers

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Single parents and teenagers – these two words bring to mind the most challenging phases of life. I know because I was raised by a single parent, and not so long ago I was a teenager. I remember the life challenges my own mother encountered as a single parent. Here are 5 tips to help you navigate the ever changing challenges of being a single parent:

Remember you are still a family

Regardless of the circumstances your family is still a family – even if it does not have two parents. There are many single parent families that are emotionally healthy. It is a matter of choice, not luck. They choose to make their families emotionally healthy, fun and one that is filled with positive memories.

Parent Tip #1: Think about the ideals that you want your family to be known for, and write them down. Perhaps make a door hanger or craft that contains symbols of these ideals to remind you of them.

Talk with your teen about their feelings

As you may know, your teen may also be experiencing feelings of loss. Regardless of the age and circumstances, your child may have feelings of sadness or anger or just feeling different than their peers. Allow your son/daughter to talk to about how they are feeling. This will also help the relationship you have with them. If you are concerned about your teenager’s adjustment to the divorce, then I suggest you find a qualified professional counselor to help your teenager.

Parent Tip #2: Look for teachable moments. Those special times when you know your teen is really listening to you, and is engaged, and take advantage of it. Teachable moments are a rarity, so seize the moment. Fina a qualified professional counselor for your teenager to talk with to help adjust to the divorce.

Stay involved

As best you can, continue to be involved in their lives. Show them you are still committed to them despite your stresses. Consistency in your behavior will shout louder than your words.

Parent Tip #3: Attend school functions. Find those things you both have to do anyways throughout the week and do them together. Eat meals together. Go for a morning or evening walk together.

Teach responsibility

Teenagers are usually begging for parents to give them their independence. One of the best ways to teach responsibility is to give them chores to do around the home. Address chores not as something you are nagging them to do, but an opportunity for your teenager to show he/she is responsible to handle more independence.



Parent Tip #4: Start with small responsibilities and then work into more independence with greater responsibilities. For example, you may begin with teaching them to do their own laundry before letting them drive your vehicle.

Live within your means

Parents often incur a great deal of financial debt in order to “care” for their teenagers. They want them to have the right kind of clothes, have their own cars and other “necessities” the teenager says they “need.” This approach is lose-lose for everyone. Teenagers are not taught about proper spending, and the parents’ credit card bills stack up as does their financial stress.

Parent Tip #5: Educate your child on healthy spending habits. If they are of employment age, have them work to earn money to pay for their own “necessities.” Likewise, educate yourself on healthy spending habits.

Single parenting may not be the ideal parenting circumstances. However, it can be done right with children that are happy, confident, and achievers. Each parent can play an essential role in their children’s well being. How about you? Are you struggling being a single parent? Take the reigns of being a single parent to make a difference in the life of your teenager! Do it now before your teenager becomes a young adult.

Dating as a single parent

Dating as a single parent

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Dating is hard enough. When you throw kids into the mix, it gets even harder. When do you tell your date you have children? When do you introduce the kids and the date? When do you even find time to date? Well, here are a few suggestions from those in the know:

Revealing Your Parental Status

Whether or not you tell your date about your children and when you choose to tell them is a personal decision. Particularly if your children are small, this is something you should be upfront about. You wouldn’t want anyone you’re dating to think you were trying to hoodwink them or conceal something of vital importance in your life. A single person without children of may not be ready to get involved with a single parent, but a fellow single parent would likely be drawn to that person.

There are situations, however, when not being quite so upfront could prove to be of value. Not that you should ever lie or try to hide your parental situation, but if you can hold onto your cards for perhaps the first 2-3 dates, you may have a better chance with someone who may otherwise have made a decision not to date you based solely on the fact that you have children. If they have time to get to know you and recognize that they like you for you, they may end up feeling more willing to make a go of things once you do reveal your parental status. Tread very carefully in this situation, however. We should all be given ample opportunity to decide for ourselves what we want. If the person you’re dating gets the impression you lied to them, they may decide they don’t like you all that much after all.

Introducing Kids and Dates

As a general rule, the decision of when to introduce your kids to your date will probably depend more on your child’s age than anything else. A child of a reasonable age, say 16 and up is probably mature enough to handle meeting a parent’s date. Just be careful about how your conduct your dates. If you’re dating a different person every week, maybe it’s not such a good idea to constantly parade in a series of ever-changing faces in front of a child of any age. It can be over-whelming. Younger children are even more impressionable and should be shielded fairly heavily. When you do go out, just let your children know you’re going out with a friend. If you decide to commit to someone special and it’s been a few months of dating in a healthy stable relationship, that would be the time to start slowly bringing your date around your children.

Once you have introduced the kids and the date, proceed with caution. Don’t do too much too soon. Give your child time to get used to a new person in your life, and give your date time to get used to them. It’s not always a perfectly smooth transition and can lead to feelings of jealousy on either side. Just be patient and loving, and ensure either party – child or date – that you care about them and they are important regardless of how many special people you have in your life.