Newly Single. What Now?
Dealing with Divorce or Death
So here you are, newly single with children. When you got married you never imagined you’d be in this place at this time in your life. But like so many, here you are wondering ‘what now’?
It doesn’t matter whether you became newly single in the blink of an eye and you didn’t want this; or whether you made the decision to become newly single after a long and painful attempt to keep it from happening. The fact is, a very intimate relationship has died. And before you can move forward in a healthy manner you must deal with the death of a very intimate relationship.
When the intimate relationship dies because of divorce or death, there are losses. For you to move forward with your life in a healthy manner, you must grieve the losses that you’ve incurred.
Newly Single. What Did You Lose?
Everyone’s list of losses will be different, but some of the more common ones are:
- The loss of your companion, spouse, significant other.
You lose marital status. which can make you feel like you have less value.
The hopes and dreams that you once shared with your spouse are gone.
You may lose children that were not biologically yours.
Financial the losses can be overwhelming.
If you truly want to move forward in a healthy fashion, you really need to process all that you are going through as a newly single person. Then let the grieving process do what it needs to do in your life.
These are what psychologists say are the five stages of grief:
Generally, everyone goes through all five, but everyone is different when it comes to how long they stay in each stage of grief. And some people move back and forth through the stages of grief.
Time Heals
Give yourself all the time you need to grieve your losses. You will be so glad that you let yourself heal because you will make much better choices for yourself and your children.
Just remember that you don’t get over pain; you get through it. Almost all growth involves pain. And if you let it, the pain from this divorce or death can bring about the birth of a brand new life for you. But only if you will allow yourself to grow from this pain.
