Don’t let single-parent stress keep you from meeting challenges head-on. Learn how to take care of yourself and your children when doing it alone.

Whether you’ve been a single parent for several weeks or several years, you are not alone. Roughly 17 million children in the U.S. live in single-parent homes, and research suggests that it can take up to three years for a family to adjust to this new lifestyle.

Raising children on your own is challenging, and at times the stress can seem overwhelming. Here is information you can use to help take care of both your children and yourself.

The challenges

It’s hard enough to cope with the emotions a single parent and the children have about a divorce or the death of a partner. But that’s only one of the issues you face when you suddenly find yourself raising kids alone. Other challenges you’re likely to face include:

• Getting back into the work force after being a stay-at-home parent
• Being unable to make ends meet, even with child support and a steady income
• Having no one to share housework and errands
• Not having enough time to spend with your children
• Finding adequate day care or babysitting
• Not having time to socialize, pursue a new relationship, or just relax

Dealing with finances

An alarming number of single-parent households in the U.S. – one in every three headed by a woman and one in every six headed by a man – live below the poverty level. But you don’t need to be living in poverty to be stressed over money.
For instance, your children may have to give up team sports or other activities because the fees are no longer in the budget. Some parents can’t afford health insurance or medication, so children may not have doctor visits. If individual or family counseling is needed, single parents often lack the money to pay for it. And for some parents, just putting food on the table and clothes on their kids’ backs is hard to do.
If you’re having financial problems, these suggestions may help:

• Try putting yourself on a budget.
• If you’re struggling to make ends meet from one month to the next, consider working with a credit counselor. To find one near you, you can contact the National Foundation for Credit Counseling at 800-388-2227.
• Look for ways to cut back. For instance, ask yourself if you really need all those premium cable TV channels. Look at how you and your kids use cell phones. Can you get a cheaper plan that will still meet your needs?
• If you can’t make your house payment or rent, think about moving in with a family member until you can get your finances straightened out.

You may also qualify for state or federal assistance for food, health care, day care, counseling, job training, and housing. And there are Federal grants available that help single parents continue their education. Contact your state’s social services department to get information on public assistance in your area.

Child care worries

Finding child care can be a major headache for a single parent. Start by asking friends for references for babysitters. Also, visit day care centers before you make any decisions. Make sure the day care center has an open-door policy that allows parents to visit at any time. And find out what other parents think of the facility.
If your child wakes up with a sore throat or if weather conditions shut down school without warning, will you have a backup plan? Talk to friends and family members to see if anyone you know can help out in a pinch. Also, many corporations, childcare centers, and hospitals offer emergency day care services for children who are mildly sick or whose regular arrangements have fallen through.

Sharing the responsibilities

If you come home from a hard day’s work to find dirty dishes piled in the sink, the garbage can overflowing, and muddy paw prints all over your kitchen floor, you won’t be in the best frame of mind to spend quality time with your kids. Get everyone to help. Assign each child chores and work together for 15 or 30 minutes to get things in order. Then you’ll have time to relax together without clutter and confusion getting in the way.

Keep an eye on your health

Don’t let your other obligations make you neglect your health. Make sure to eat right, get enough rest, and engage in at least 30 minutes of physical activity each day.
Also remember your emotional health. Try to ease the stress in your life by remembering to:

• Find time for yourself. Even if just for a short time, relax with a good book, work on a hobby, or unwind by listening to your favorite music.
• Get support. Reach out to family members and friends who can take the kids off your hands for a while, drop off a meal, or do a load of laundry for you.
• Reach out to other single parents. Find a support group so you can share ideas and thoughts with other parents who have similar problems.
• Socialize. Whether your children spend alternating weekends with your ex or you need to recruit your mother to babysit, find a way to get yourself out of the house and into the presence of grownups when you can.