• Creating a Budget
• Getting Child Support
• Finding Additional Help
• Setting up an Emergency Fund
• Life Insurance
• Education Funding

While the article doesn’t go into a great amount of detail, if you are just starting to think about financial planning it’s a good place to start.  Many single parents don’t even think about financial planning until they are hit with a crisis; and that’s the worst time to start.

You can read the entire article by clicking on Finances for a Single Parent

Single parent struggles…how is that defined exactly? Is the problem worse in San Diego than other cities? The San Diego Union Tribune recently ran a story with Nathan Fletcher who is running for San Diego Mayor. He touched a little bit on kids in San Diego, “…There’s no guarantee that you get an equally easy path. So if both of your parents went to college, it’s easier for you than a kid that has a single mom who struggles financially, who’s in a poor community.” Mr. Fletcher went on to talk about everyone having access to the “American Dream” but do children of single parents truly have that access and what kinds of struggles do single parents have?

You can read the entire article here

As I come across questions that single parents are asking, I will post them in a new category called Single Parent Questions.  My hope is that you will be able to find answers to some of your single parent questions.  If not, leave a question in the comments and we’ll try to find some answers for you.

Just as a Note:  The answers to many of the questions do not necessarily reflect my own oppinion on the suject matter.

Q. I am 26 and a single parent to a 3-year-old girl. I love my daughter more than anything. However, in the past few months, she has become a brat, doing everything she can to test me.

Due to recent financial problems, we had to move in with my mother until I can finish my degree and get a job. No matter what discipline I use, nothing works because my mother undermines me. There is no consistency in what is right or wrong. My mother always gives in to her every request.

Once in a while, I will spank my daughter. My mother, however, cornered me and gave me a lecture on how awful I am for spanking my child. Yet I can clearly recall being spanked by my mother when I was little.

Mom questions my parenting in front of my daughter. I am grateful that she opened her home to us, but I can’t be an effective parent when she constantly undercuts my authority. How can I get her to keep her child-rearing opinions to herself?

TEXAS

A. While we agree with your mother that discipline does not require spanking, we also understand how difficult it is to raise a child when an indulgent grandparent rules the roost. First, have a sit-down discussion with Mom when your daughter is asleep. Get her to acknowledge that a lack of discipline is not healthy for her grandchild. Compromise by agreeing to use different forms of discipline other than spanking. Create rules you can both abide by. If that doesn’t work, bring Mom to your next pediatrician appointment, and ask the doctor to speak to her. And find other living arrangements as soon as possible.

We hear a lot about single parent households in the news, and how challenging a single parent home can be for children growing up.  As much as single parents don’t want to hear that (especially those who didn’t choose to be a single parent), the challenges should not be ignored.  However, there is research that shows that children of single parents can avoid many challenges, and thrive when they’re provided consistent love and support.

If you search online you can find many resources and organizations, both nationally and locally, that exist to help single parents succeed in raising healthy, well adjusted kids.  And that’s very important, but the critical daily needs of a child, and the managing of daily responsibilities must be shouldered by the single parent.  As we all know, that can be overwhelming at times.

So how do single parents succeed?

Love

Tell your children that you love them.  You’d be surprised how many parents forget to tell their kids that they love them.  Show your kids that you love them.  Show the kids that you love them enough to be a responsible parent.  They will thank you later.

Consistency

Children do best when they have consistent routines and guidelines; and your house runs smoother.  Make sure your child has a consistent schedule and bedtime.  Establish rules and boundaries that are consistently enforced with appropriate consequences for violations.  Don’t forget to praise good behavior.

Communication

Have family meetings once a week to share the up-coming schedule and get feedback from your kids.  You may not think that you need a weekly meeting because you and your child always talk; or your child’s too young, but think again.  As your kids get older, family meeting time may be the only time they can re-connect with the rest of the family.  The longer you wait to start this ritual, the harder it is to maintain in a single parent household.

Attention

Listen to what your kids are saying; especially when they’re not talking.  Know who their friends are; and their friend’s parents.  Know what they’re watching, listening to, and where they’re going online.  Know where your children are at all times.  Again, the older your kids get, the more important this becomes.

We all know that it’s not easy being a single parent, but we can make it easier on our kids and on ourselves if we follow some important rules.

I’ve found some inspiring articles about dads.  I hope you enjoy them.  And enjoy your special day!

Single dads find support among their peers

Just because Sheldon Kitzul is a social worker and life coach doesn’t mean he  has all the answers to the challenges of fatherhood, including single parenting.  So, recently, he dropped into 1UP, the Victoria Single Parent Resource Centre to  see what they offered and opted to join its Dads With Dads Support Group.

Read more:  http://www.vancouverson.com

A special tribute on Father’s Day to single dads

Until recently, many occupations were “gendered,” in that people thought of them as being necessarily male or female. A doctor, for example, was always assumed to be male, while a nurse was inevitably seen as female.

This meant that female doctors and male nurses were all but invisible. But no longer: The fall of gender barriers in recent decades has provided new visibility to those who previously lived in the shadows.

Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com

Fathers get a bad rap in the media and the courts

Arnold Schwarzenegger. John Edwards. Eliot Spitzer. John Ensign. Mark Sanford. To hear the media tell it, we live in the era of the bad dad.

Stories about famous, successful men who submit to temptation and harm their family lives in the process certainly make great headlines and Internet fodder, as do the divorces that often follow.

Lost in the obsession over this handful of episodes is the fact that research shows that most fathers are heavily invested in their kids’ lives and that their presence is vital.

Read more:  http://www.star-telegram.com

Fathers Day: Dads are very important, and every child should have one in their lives

This is the day for fathers and their children to celebrate that they have each other.

There is much to celebrate. Dads are enormously important. They understand boys as only a former boy can, and can offer guidance and examples that only a male can provide. They teach daughters things a man understands better than a woman, and help them get ready to have healthy relationships with males.

Read more: http://www.dailypress.com

On Father’s Day, honoring the single dads who step up

Most days, it sure doesn’t feel to Mark Hertle like he’s part of one of society’s hottest trends. Take what is supposed to be a routine part of parenting: the PTA meeting.

“I go in to those meetings, and I’m still viewed with some suspicion,” Hertle says. “It’s like: Why am I there? Am I cruising for a date or something? It’s just a little bit of a sense you get, that you’re an outlier.” Yet in that often thankless duty of child-rearing, they say nobody is stepping up these days more than dads like Hertle. By which I mean: single dads.

Read more:  http://seattletimes.nwsource.com

During a news conference at Spaulding University, Lopa Mehrota, interim director of the nonprofit organization, Women4Women stated that economic data they compiled showed that most new jobs fall far short of delivering the kind of wages that Kentucky single parents to survive.

“We have a long way to go in making sure Kentucky families can support themselves,” she said at the news conference.

The average Louisville single parent with two children needs to earn $23.60 per hour, or $49,836 annually, to make ends meet and still save up to $200 per month toward retirement, college education and home ownership. Those figures are from the “Basic Economic Security Tables,” compiled on a county-by-county basis throughout Kentucky.

Meanwhile, Louisville female heads of household with two children earn a median wage of around $25,000 annually, according to data from the U.S. Census.

Kentucky was one of five state analyzed in depth alongside a national set of income tables produced by Wider Opportunities for Women, a national nonprofit, in partnership with Women4Women.

The goal of making the report available to the public and policy makers is to highlight the difference between economic security and living just above the poverty level. For example, the federal poverty level for a family of three, in Kentucky is $18,130.

The poverty level guidelines describe what it takes to “barely survive on the desperate margins of society,” Mehrotra said at the press conference. As a policy tool, she added, “they do not capture what it costs to live.”

“The American dream of working hard to support your family is being rewritten by the growth of low-paying industries and rising expenses,” Joan Kuriansky, WOW’s executive director, said in a news release.

A Federal Reserve Bank official welcomed the study, calling the new income estimates “a wake-up call.”

“Job growth is not the total answer here,” Maria Hampton, vice president at the Louisville branch of the Federal Reserve Bank of St. Louis, said at the press conference. “This is the type of information that people need to make decisions about what they need to earn to cover basic expenses…. for a sound future.”

Source

Let’s face it, being a single parent is not the easiest job in the world; and for some it’s overwhelming.  What makes matters worse is that single parents are portrayed in the media as being uneducated, lazy and neglectful.  Some studies even suggest that single parents are raising the next crop of prison inmates.  Because of the negative public image that single parents and their children must overcome, it is frustrating when some single parents do things that make us all look bad.  If you’re reading Single Parent advice websites like this one, you’re probably not ‘one of those’ single parents.  If you know ‘one of those’ single parents, maybe you can tactfully send them this list.

1.  You Send your Kids to School Dirty

Ask any teacher what their pet peeves are when it comes to parents, and right at the top is children who show up to school in dirty clothes and/or in need of a bath.  I know that it isn’t just single parents that are guilty of this, but no matter how stretched you are as a single parent, make sure your children go to school clean.  It helps your child get viewed in a positive way.  It helps your child’s self-esteem.  And it reflects well on you, as a single parent which, in turn helps all single parents.

2.  You Haven’t Given Your Children Structure

If this doesn’t happen early, good luck trying to reign in your middle or high-schooler.  Children thrive on structure.  You don’t have to be a drill sergeant but if you have to be the mom and the dad, you’re going to have to face the fact that you need to be loving but firm.  Let your children know who the parent is; what the rules are, and why they are important.  And let them know what the consequences are if those rules are broken. If you’re consistent, you’ll be surprised how quickly your children willingly stay within the boundaries you’ve set.  And by the time your children reach middle school, they will already have these good habits instilled in them.

3.  You Turn your Child Against the Other Parent

I can hear some single parents saying, ‘I didn’t turn my child against their other parent; the other parent did it by________________’ (fill in the blank).  Whether your child’s other parent is involved and paying child support, or not involved at all; your child is still genetically half of that person.  No matter how horrible the other parent is to you, or even your child, you can still refrain from speaking badly.  You can teach your child that it’s okay to love the other parent but hate their behavior.  Why would you want to do this?  Because your child’s emotional health and self esteem depend on it.  Growing up knowing that you come from two ‘good’ parents; even if one of those parents is making really bad choices right now, helps kids emotionally.  A child who is brought up thinking that one half of the gene pool that created him/her is ‘bad’, can’t help but be convinced that part of that ‘bad’ is inside of them.  And that causes problems later on.

4.  You Burden Your Child with Your Problems

One of the best things that you can do for your child is to let them know that they don’t have to worry.  Sure there will be problems.  Maybe the car breaks down and you don’t know how you’re going to manage.  Or maybe you don’t know how you’re going to come up with the rent money this month. Instead of burdening your child by telling them you don’t have a clue what you’ll do, they need to hear that, no matter what, you are the parent and you will take care of them.  Children need a sense that someone is steering the boat and is taking responsibility.  Children are children, and burdening them with adult issues forces them to worry about things that they’re not mature enough to handle.  If you love your children, you’ll unload on an adult friend; that’s what they’re for.

5.  Your Issues have you Dragging your Children through Multiple Bad Relationships

If you’ve had a messed up childhood and never got counseling for it, chances are you’re still messed up and you’re passing this ‘messed-upness’ onto your children.  You love your kids.  You don’t want to set them up for a lifetime of low self-esteem and broken relationships with all the wrong people.  So before you begin that next screwed-up relationship, go get help.  If not for you; for your kids.

There’s a lot of bad press out there about single parents and the effects of single parenting on children.  And while many of us didn’t choose single parenting, it was thrust upon us, we can still be smart single parents and prove the ‘experts’ wrong.

On Mother’s Day I thought it would be nice to highlight an exception single mother. I found this article, written by Gregory Phillips in the Fayetteville, NC Observer and was inspired by it. I hope you enjoy it.

Ruby Womack is the calm in the eye of the storm.

A calm she manages to keep while being a single parent to a son, grandson and two foster children.

While working long shifts at an urgent-care center.

While losing her home to last month’s tornado.

The willowy, soft-spoken 59-year-old bears it all with poise and quiet dignity.

“I think I can fix the world, I guess,” she said. “If I stopped, I wouldn’t know what to do.”

Mother’s Day sees the most phone calls of any day of the year, according to a recent study. Womack will be getting at least one of them, from a former foster daughter who lived with her until leaving for college.

“She always calls on Mother’s Day,” Womack said, pride distinct in her voice.

Womack has fostered about 20 children since returning to her hometown 20 years ago after a spell in New York. A friend was fostering two children. Moved by her story, Womack signed up, despite having four children of her own.

Womack is divorced these days, and three of her four children have long flown the nest. She remains a single parent to her quiet, 24-year-old son, Reggie, who suffers bouts of confusion; her grandson Weldon, 13; and two boisterous foster children, brothers ages 6 and 9.

“Kids,” she said. “It’s what I do.”

You can read the entire article here.

Here’s the basics of what you need to do to start receiving Child Support in Georgia:

• Open a Child Support Case
  Call the Georgia Child Support Agency (1-877-423-4746) and make an appointment to open a case. You will also need to fill out at application. You can do that online, or request an application be mailed to you when you call for your appointment.  They do charge you a small fee for applying to open a case. *If you are on some types of government assistance, you may not need to fill out an application to open a case. Ask about this when you make your appointment.
• Locate the Non-Custodial Parent
  If you know where the non-custodial parent lives and/or works this step is simple.  However, if you don’t know where the non-custodial parent is; or if he lives in a different state, it could be difficult to locate them.  Information such as date of birth, social security number will make it easier to locate a non-custodial parent.  Unfortunately there are no guarantees, and you can’t collect child support from an ‘un-findable’ parent.
• Establish Paternity
  If you and the non-custodial parent were not married when you had your child, you will need to establish that he is the legal father of the child.  If the non-custodial parent is uncooperative, you can petition the court to have his DNA tested to determine paternity.
• File a Support Order
  In Georgia the child support guidelines take into consideration the income of both parents and the number of children.  They also take into consideration which parent provides health insurance for the child.  The court sometimes orders the non-custodial parent to pay for health insurance for the child if they can get it at a reasonable cost.
• Set up Payment
  Once the child support order is in place, the amount will be deducted from the non-custodial parent’s paycheck.  This is the easiest way for the non-custodial parent to pay child support.  It’s automatic and there is a record of the payments.  It is almost always a bad idea to make (or receive) child support payments directly between the parents.

What can I do if the non-custodial parent stops paying support or providing health insurance for our child?

If you have an Oder in place and the non-custodial parent does not obey the Order, Georgia Child Support Enforcement can assist you in getting your support through the courts. There are things that the court can do to get the non-custodial parent into compliance including fines and/or jail time for non-compliance.  The Judge can enforce the order through a number of ways.  To find out what other steps the courts can take visit Georgia’s Child Support agency directly.

Once the Child Support Order is in place, can it be changed?

After a Child Support Order has been set up, either parent can ask the Georgia Child Support Agency to review the Order every three years.  You can ask them to review it sooner if there have been major changes in income or family situation.

Links Regarding Georgia Child Support

• Georgia Child Support Calculator – This site has worksheets and a calculator to help you figure out GA Child Support.
• A Simplified Georgia Child Support Calculator can be found at this site.
• Georgia Child Support Portal – has links and information regarding GA Child Support
• Child Support Office Location finder to Find the GA Child Support office near you.
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