Support Archives - Single Parent Wealth

Organization Tips for Single Parents

05/07/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

Let’s face it, life is BUSY! And you’re a single parent so life is BUSIER! Carving out some leisure/free/fun time for you and your kids takes some planning and organizational skills, but it’s worth it.

Who doesn’t want more free, fun time with their kids! Let’s see how we can make more of that happen.

Daily Routines are Your Friends

Establish daily routines for your family so that everyone knows what’s expected of them. Routines won’t solve all of your battles, but there’ll be fewer surprises. Bedtime routines as well as morning routines really help your single parent household run more efficiently. Don’t forget homework, chores, and meal time routines. Get yourself a dry erase board and have your routines in a place where everyone sees them often. Routines definitely save you time.

A Family Calendar is a Must

Along with your routines board, you need a family calendar where everyone can see it. Keep track of your special events, special school activities, and appointments, etc. This cuts down on conflicts and lets you, and the kids keep track of the logistics of who needs to be where at what time. An up to date family calendar will save you even more time.

Motivate your Kids to do their Chores

You’re a single parent. You need to get household chores done on a daily basis but there’s no way you can do it alone. You may disagree, but the fastest way to get the chores done (and with no whining) is to offer an incentive. It could be money but it doesn’t have to be. You can make the incentive internet access when their chores are done. Whatever motivates your child. Chores are more likely to get done quickly and properly if there is an incentive attached.

Plan Your Meals

Obviously you’re going to take your kids’ preferences into consideration, but it is a huge time and money saver when you plan your meals out weekly. Planning your weekly meals out saves on trips to the grocery store – you only need to go once. If you can pre-make meals for the week and freeze them, you save even more time. An added bonus is family fun time together in the kitchen if your kids like to cook with you.

If you follow these tips you will be able to regain some precious time that you and your kids can use for more enjoyable things, like spending some fun leisure time together.

The Divorce is Over – Now What? New Single Parent Reality

04/27/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

For some, going through a divorce can feel like all your hopes and dreams were just crushed under a huge pile of bricks; while for others it can feel like a pile of bricks was lifted from your back. Either way, moving on as a single parent is a new and sometimes challenging experience. Let’s look at some of the things that might crop up as you start your single parent life.

Feeling Lonely

One of the more challenging aspects of being a single parent is the feeling of being alone. Sometimes being alone can be a positive thing but if you are missing that special connection with another adult then you are not alone. Rather than putting yourself out there in the “market” right away take some time for you. Companionship can be found in many healthy activities such as craft groups, support groups, a bowling team, or anywhere you can make new friends and not feel so alone.

Healing Time

Give yourself some time to heal before dating again. For some, healing can involve learning to love yourselves again, and for others it could be learning to be on your own as a single parent. As much as you may feel like you can never do this alone don’t jump into another relationship until you have proven to yourself that you can. For some this can prove to be a struggle but it is possible. The only true way to have a healthy relationship with anyone is to be a whole (healed) person before you begin a relationship.

Find Support

Build a support group of friends and family. Choose only those who help you to feel good about yourself. Disconnect from those who put you down or doubt your abilities. You don’t need those people. And yes, you can tell them. Simply say that if they don’t have something positive to contribute then you can’t be around them right now. They will either change their ways or move on. If you find yourself without positive support or just would like more then you can always turn to local church groups in your community. Many larger churches have single parent support groups.

Children Need Healing and Support as Well

Your children need time to adjust to their new normal. Healing and support is crucial for them as well. No matter how adjusted you thing you are, think about where your kids are in their adjustment journey before you think about starting a new relationship. And when they are ready, and you’re thinking about dating, ask yourself: Will this person be a good influence? How soon should I introduce a new person into my child’s life? How will my child react? These are all valid questions and there is no one correct answer. The best thing to do is to consider these questions and more before you even consider dating.

You Will Adapt and Thrive as a Single Parent if you Allow Yourself

Adjusting to being a single parent is sometimes quite hard. Don’t give up on yourself though. You will adjust, heal, and become a better person/parent for your children.

5 Common Questions Single Parents Ask

04/26/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

1. How Do I Adjust to Being a Single Parent?

Being a single parent isn’t easy, especially in the beginning. But instead of giving in and feeling sorry for yourself, take steps to start the adjustment process right away. Get involved in a single parent support group. There you can find support and fun. Reach out to other single parents in your community. Invite them and their kids over for a play date or a picnic in the park. Be kind and take care of yourself. The better you feel about yourself, the better you’ll feel as a single parent.

2. Will I Ever Heal? How Can I Start the Healing Process?

Whether your spouse died or you’ve just gone through a divorce, you will need to go through the grieving process. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance are all a part of that process. For some the process is quicker than others. To help yourself through the grieving process, get involved in a support group. Let yourself cry when you feel like crying. Exercise; pursue a hobby; get yourself around other adults, and accept help from others. Help others. This actually has an amazing healing affect. Finally, seek out the help of a professional counselor/therapist if after 6 months you’re still not moving through the grieving process.

3. How am I Going to Live on My New Budget?

Newly single parents usually have to adjust to a new, smaller budget. This is something that you need to pay attention to right away. You cannot live the way you did when there were two incomes. Create a brutally honest budget for your single parent family and stick to it. Maxing out your credit cards and possibly ruining your credit will only make matters WAY worse for a long time. Look for ways to increase your income. Try to eliminate or restructure any debt that you currently have. Live within your means by cutting out all but necessary expenses. As you adjust to single parent living you can then start adding additional expenses to your budget as your income allows.

Where Can I Find a Single Parent Support Group?

You should be able to find more than on single parent support group in your community. You may even be able to find single parent support groups that cater to specific sub-groups such as single moms, single dads, etc. Many religious organizations off single parent support groups, so look there. Ask for referral from doctors, or other single parents in the community. Google single parent support groups in your area.

5. How do I Start Dating Again?

Whether you want to date just for the adult companionship or you’re looking for something more serious, here are a few ideas on how to meet new potential dates. For sure there are many dating apps out there. If you decide to use a dating app, use caution. People can be very deceptive on dating apps. Instead, join a gym or take a night class at your local community college. You can spend time at bookstores, museums, or any other place where single frequent. A great place to meet new people (potential dates included) is your local church. Offer to volunteer which gives you a built in excuse to talk to everyone.

Dating can boost your ego as a newly single parent but be very cautious. Take it slow, and don’t put yourself out there until you’ve had time to heal from your previous relationship.

Single Parents and Healthy Boundaries

04/24/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

As kids, we learn that boundaries are the lines on the playing field that separate where the players play from where the viewers watch. But as adults, the boundary lines in our own personal lives aren’t as clear. In fact, setting healthy boundaries can be particularly difficult for single parents, because you often have to rely on others to help you – from your ex, to your kids, to your parents. In order to protect your privacy and maintain a positive sense of self, you’ll need to cultivate boundaries in the the following areas:

Boundaries With Your Ex

All of our relationships need healthy boundaries, and your relationship with your ex is no different. Whether you were married for 25 years or just dating for a few months, you need to establish a new way of relating where each of you understands the rules and can learn to get along for your kids’ sake.

Boundaries With Your Kids

From enforcing a set of basic house rules to teaching your kids that they can count on you to be consistent, maintaining clear boundaries with your kids is vital to your survival as a single parent.

Boundaries With Your Family

Another area where we all need boundaries is with our own parents and extended family members. Especially if you count on your family to help you raise your kids, it can be difficult to set and maintain boundary lines. In reality, though, creating healthy boundaries in these relationships is the key to making them work for all of you for the long haul.

Boundaries in Dating

When you begin dating, it’s important to set boundary lines with your partner and with your kids. In order to do this, though, you’re going to have to talk openly about your relationship and what you each expect.

Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries in all four of these areas will help you parent well, learn to collaborate with your ex, and maintain your integrity at the same time.

Advantages to Being a Single Parent

04/21/2021 Hope Comments 0 Comment

We often hear about the struggles and disadvantages of being a single parent. I’m here to tell you that as a single parent there can be many advantages as well. Let me know if you agree.

You Make all the Parenting Rules
No More Petty Arguments
More Time with Your Kids
You Make All of the Financial Decisions
Your Kids Learn More Independence and being a Team Player
You Don’t Have to Split Your Attention

Single Parents Get to Make all the Parenting Rules

For many single parents this can be a big advantage. In many two parent households the parents disagree on rules for their kids. If that’s the case, you’ll probably find that as a single parent there’s much less stress regarding parenting styles. Setting rules for your child in your home becomes much easier.

If the other parent is still in the picture and has every other weekend and mid-week time with your child, you still may be discussing rules, etc. But at least in your home, you decide what’s best.

Single Parents Enjoy Having an Argument Free Home

If you find yourself as a single parent because of divorce, there was probably arguing, bickering, and negativity in your household before you and your partner split. Maybe the negativity was there for a long time and you just worked around it. If that was your situation you will definitely feel the difference when all of that conflict is no longer in your house.

Of course kids tend to argue with their parents from time to time, but it’s not the same. Anyone who has lived with a partner who was constantly arguing with you about something knows how soul crushing it can be. It can completely suck the life out of you. When your kids argue with you, for the most part it’s a teaching moment. And since you made the house rules you can enforce them.

Single Parents Get to Spend More Time with Their Kids

On the one hand it seems exhausting to be a single parent and have to be the one getting the kids up and ready for school; helping with homework; shuttling to afterschool activities; etc. But think of all of the extra time you have because you now don’t have a partner who is also requiring your time.

I can’t tell you how many times I spent watching a movie or Amazon Prime series that I had NO INTEREST in just to appease my partner. And in their mind that was ‘doing something together’. I also can’t tell you how much of my time was spent having ‘debates’ with my partner that would go on forever if I didn’t just agree.

Until I became a single parent I didn’t fully understand how much time and energy was going to my partner and not to my child.

Single Parents Get More Sleep

Being in a two parent household is great if you are both fundamentally on the same page; and you both put the others’ needs before your own. Sadly this isn’t the case most of the time (based on divorce statistics). But until you become a single parent you don’t realize how having a partner who is not in sync with you messes up your sleep patterns as well.

You may be someone who craves the contact that a partner provides, especially when you sleep. Trust me, finding the right dog to add to your family will do wonders for you. You will sleep better at night; and your new canine family member will give you the unconditional love you need until you are truly ready to find another partner.

Single Parents Manage the Finances Without Interference

There are generally three different money management styles when it comes to family finances.

First, all income is put into a joint account; bills are paid, and personal expenditures are negotiated. For example, if one partner really wants a special set of golf clubs, or an expensive new handbag it’s discussed and agreed upon. This style seems to be the least popular in our current generation. This style can work if both partners are involved in the household finances. But this style is a potential disaster if only one partner oversees all the financial matters.

Second, all income stays separate and partners decide which bills will be paid by each partner. They may split bills down the middle like electric, or WIFI. Then the remainder of ‘their’ money is ‘theirs’ to do whatever they want. This style seems to be most popular in our current generation, but it’s also the style that doesn’t support a lifelong partnership.

Third, this is more of a partnership way of handling finances. Most of a partners income goes into a joint account and a portion of income is kept in a personal account for any personal things they may wish to purchase. This way the bulk of the income can be jointly managed and allotted to expenses, investments, vacations, etc. This is generally the healthiest way to jointly manage household finances.

We’ve come a long way, but still in general men out-earn women. And in general men tend to oversee the family finances. If you have been in an unbalanced financial situation with your partner; becoming a single parent and having sole control of the household finances will be a huge advantage for you.

Money may be tight for you as a single parent, but knowing exactly what’s coming in and where exactly it’s going out is a very satisfying thing if you were kept in the dark previously.

Your Child Will Be a More Independent Team Player

As a single parent it’s necessary to teach your child how to be more independent. Even though you may still want to do everything for your child you don’t have that luxury at crucial times during the day. You may be able to spend more time with your child in the evening but when you both have to be ready to go in the morning, teaching your child to get ready by themselves is crucial. They become more confident in their independence.

You child will also feel more like a team player when you give them opportunities to help around the house or help with the prep work of making dinner.

Single Parents don’t Have to Split Their Attention

In a two parent household there is often a battle as to who will get your attention. Typically it used to be the couple of hours in the evening when everyone was getting home from jobs, school, after school activities. In the last year this battle may go on all day if both partners are working at home and the kids are doing school from home.

Feeling like you’re being pulled in more than one direction can be very draining. But as a single parent half of that guilt goes away. Sure, you may not feel like you’re doing enough for your child. But you’re doing twice as much as you would when your home had a partner who was demanding more of your time than they were pouring back into you.

I know that being a single parent can be difficult, but just remember that there are also advantages to being a single parent. And if you focus on the positives, things will go much smoother for you and your child.

Be the Best Single Parent You Can Be

04/19/2021 Donna Comments 0 Comment

Learn to Manage Your Money Effectively

Single parents often have added financial stress, so you will need some pretty good money management skills.

If you need some help learning better money management, search Google or YouTube for money management and budgeting sites. Some popular sites are Mint , Dave Ramsey , The Penny Hoarder .

Before you can manage your money effectively, you need to know where you stand regarding debt. Many people avoid this because they’re afraid to know the truth. But you need to face how much debt you may have, and come up with a plan to pay down your debt.

Stop paying for things that you don’t use or need. No one needs expensive cable bills. If you’re not using it you don’t need that gym membership. You can workout at home or at the park. Call your utility companies and see if you can negotiate lower rates.

Put your family on a budget. Yes, involve your kids. Teach them good money management habits now and they will thank you for years to come.

Don’t Speak Badly About the Other Parent

Regardless of how badly your relationship may have ended, it is never wise to bad-mouth your ex in front of your child. The best thing that you can do for your child is to let them love both of their parents without guilt.

If you have children who are a little older, be careful to not get caught up in little manipulations from your very own darlings kids. It is very common for children to pit one parent against the other if it serves their purposes. If you find your child trying to manipulate you in this way, stay very neutral regarding the other parent. Then communicate with the other parent.

Your child’s other parent may have lied to you, cheated on you, etc. You definitely need to heal from that. Deal with your emotions by confiding in a friend and/or seeing a therapist. But do not discuss any of your problems with your child. Things are never black and white. You aren’t all good and the other parent all evil. It is not good for your child’s mental health.

If you speak badly about your child’s other parent you may lose custody of your child. Parental Alienation is a real thing, and it is very damaging to a child. If a judge determines that you’re speaking negatively to the point where you’re harming your child’s relationship with the other parent, the judge has the authority to take your custodial rights away from you. It’s that serious.

Ask for Help

There is no shame in asking for help; it doesn’t denote failure or that you aren’t worthy as a parent. In fact, asking for assistance whether it’s as simple as fetching your child from school or if it’s a bit trickier, like dealing with puberty, makes you a better parent.

If you have an amicable relationship with your child’s other parent you should start there. If you can negotiate, and help each other out this is the best solution for your child.

If you can’t get help from the other parent your next place to look for help is family and friends. If you don’t take advantage, and are able to reciprocate on occasion, must family and friends would be willing to help out when possible.

If you don’t have friends or family for support you need to reach out to local churches and charities. Many local churches have single parent ministries and can assist in a variety of ways. Charities, such as food banks can help out when finances are low.

Reach out to your government. There is assistance out there for single parents in need. There are programs like WIC (Women, Infants, Children) that can help. Search online for other programs in your state.

The bottom line is, you can’t wait for assistance to offer itself to you. You need to seek out assistance, because it’s out there. And there is no shame in asking for help when you really need it.

Communicate and Let your Child Communicate

Be mindful of the fact that you aren’t the only one going through loss in this situation, be it divorce or death. Your child is also going through a period of loss and you need to instigate and encourage communication about the situation.

Remember to reassure them that it’s all right to feel angry, scared or sad. If you need extra help, it’s perfectly acceptable to take your child to a child psychologist who can help them ease into the process of learning how to deal with emotions effectively.

Show them how much you love them, even when they are not acting perfectly. Let them know they are loved no matter what.