Single Parent Traditions
Happy Thanksgiving or Columbus Day
For those of you who celebrate Thanksgiving today, Happy Thanksgiving. I currently live in the United States so I got an extra day with my child thanks to the Columbus Day holiday. But in my teens and twenties I lived in Canada, and in Canada Thanksgiving always came before Halloween. Even after I moved back to the US along with most of my siblings, Canadian Thanksgiving was a prominent holiday in our family. It was pretty much the last holiday to visit our parents before the snow started to fly; and even that wasn’t a guarantee. But the thought of having a home cooked meal prepared by my dad, a real link to the positive aspects of my growing up years, was a pretty big draw. My dad’s gone now, and my mom is a mediocre cook so that tradition is lost for me. But all of the fond emotions of that tradition flood back to me whenever I think about it.
Creating Anchors for Our Children
As a single parent it may not seem like the highest priority but creating traditions with our children is very important in the long run. They provide a sense of consistency, belonging, comfort and love that extends beyond the actual event. Traditions can become emotional anchors whereby just the thought of the tradition can bring about all of those good feelings. Now I am talking about the happy traditions, not the stress filled, alcohol fueled, argument-fests that some family traditions devolve into. If your family has a lot of junk that seems to come out during holiday get togethers, etc., then it’s probably best to start your own traditions with your children.
NLP at its Best
If any of you have read any Anthony Robbins book then you are familiar with the term NLP. For those unfamiliar, NLP is the acronym for neuro linguistic programming. As it pertains to this post NLP is a technique used to train the brain to feel certain positive feelings through the use of anchors. Those anchors would be the positive, consistent traditions that you provide for your child. They are not tied to punishments or rewards, just happy family tradition (whatever that means to you).
Why You Would Want to Install Anchors in Your Child
The reason that you would want to establish some really positive family traditions is that your children will remember those consitant things the most. Holidays are memorable anyway, so why not anchor some really positive feelings to those. You and your ex’s families might get along okay most of the year, but if both camps consistently argue during holidays, guess what emotions you’re anchoring in your child? You may be accidentally setting them up for a lifetime of dreading the holidays, and they don’t even really know why. Or they could be so excited, even as adults because just the thought of the holidays brings a flood of happy thoughts and emotions.
Be Original, Be Positive
If you are a single parent you may have a hard time passing your happy traditions down to your children. Don’t feel bad about this, your kids don’t remember what it was like when you were young. You have to live in the now; be creative and positive. Start your own traditions. They could be the wackiest, most unconventional traditions known to man, but if they install that positive anchor, that’s all that matters. So don’t get hung up on ‘family tradition’ especially if it isn’t generating positive feelings. If you can’t pass down a positive anchor to your child, it’s much better to create a brand new tradition that will be like a big hug and gentle kiss every time they think of it for a long time to come.
